Step by Step Guide to Jewelry Making

Hello, and welcome to our first scheduled book review.  This week we are looking at Step by Step Guide to Jewelry Making by Avril Rodway.

WARNING: this gets kind of gross—and I use the word “turd” more than once.

Of course, our first question should be, “How is this book from 1973 when it has Philomena Cunk on the cover?”

I’ve got to give this book credit, it helped me figure out the name of a jewelry component I need.  It also has some interesting stuff on gemstones.  However, the rest of it is so seventies you will shit.

Here we have jewelry adorned with—and a belt made with—orange peel.

"Out of eight people we asked to identify the material this finished jewelry was made from, not one guessed correctly!"

I was gonna make jewelry with orange peels, but apparently you need an “airing cupboard.”  And I don’t think a week in the cabinet above the stove really counts.

Okay, the sea-horse earrings are kinda icky—but we need to talk about that thing above them.

"Would you guess, if you hadn’t been told, that the expensive-looking chunk of ‘gold’ hanging on the pearl necklace started life as a vertebra in a lamb stew!"

Fucking disgusting!  Why does it have EYES.

Speaking of gross, I’m not going to get into the racial slur in the title of this chapter.  Instead, well just look at the color photo of the projects from said chapter:

The bone thing is even more horrifying in color.  And is that a spitwad on a cord?

Then there’s the REALLY ELABORATE big ugly necklace.  It’s made with acorns and beads and wire and a wooden bead you drill six extra holes in.

The section on beads is full of stuff like this.. elaborate turd key chain.

And then there is (because of course there is) the section on making jewelry with food.  I can’t do these because gluten-free pasta is so fucking expensive.

Who doesn’t want to hang this from their neck?  It’s either a super-fancy cocoon or another turd (with intact maggots), this time spray painted,.  But either way, definitely formal wear.

You’ll put an eye out!

This makes me kind of ill.

At least these look vaguely like sea creatures.

Teenagers will like this!  This one’s for Elvis.  Teenagers were very into Elvis, in 1973.

Here we have even more dead shit to adorn your body.

Yep, that’s a whole lot of corpses.  Corpses of the sea.

Plus those earrings look like dead bugs held together with fungus.

Good times.