peacelovekennia

I normally never post my BTR VIP experiences simply because I don’t think it matters what my personal experience was, only if you yourself have fun.

That being said, the summer break tour, though lacking in the normal BTR experience in reference to a live band and extreme production was definitely my favorite of all three tours i’ve been to M&G/soundcheck wise. That may have had something to do with it being something sort of like a medium sized show and a small set of VIP’s in relation to it.

Both other M&G’s i’ve been to have been really hit or miss. I remember Kailey and I crying because of how badly our first ones went at the Better With U tour, and then screaming and dancing down the sidewalks of the now Sleep Train Ampitheatre after how amazingly the Big Time Summer Tour went.

I don’t think I was nervous, more anxious. Anxious over meeting them again, anxious over how I looked – being a young woman sucks in this day and age, and knowing there will be hundreds of other people sifting through photos and potentially finding one of you doesn’t exactly skyrocket your self confidence. I remember being so on edge during the soundcheck that I hardly even looked up at the guys, and when I did I’d see Carlos curiously looking at me and making me even more uneasy. 

So I talk a lot when I’m feeling like this. I try to make conversation with as many people around me as I can, and thankfully made a few friends while in line for the photos. I’ve never really been a loud person in the BTR fandom, but I can say that they have done a great deal for me. A couple years ago, I was 60+ lbs heavier, horribly depressed, anxious, self-loathing and never even bothered sparing myself a thought that I mattered to anyone. And then when I went to the better with u tour and met Kailey and Kennia, and got to know them and became good friends with them (some of my best, I may say.) I think it triggered something in me. Along with the guys and the music, the friends I’ve made through this band, the smiles and laughter, the silly remarks I read from all of YOU on tumblr while you’re liveblogging the show – that’s what motivated me to better myself and be more of a positive person. I owe this band a lot, silly as it may seem, and I was really, really nervous for this because of the changes to their crew recently.

 If anyone cares, my meet and greet went like this:

To distract myself from being the next person in line, I made conversation with the security guard standing in front of me. He was really kind, a really cool collection of tattoos. That settled me a bit. And then I heard the other one say “Alright, this one’s all you." 

And so, I took a deep breath, and walked up. I shouldn’t play favorites. It’s wrong and unfair, but truth is, I do anyways. And so when I realized the first one I was going to hug was James, yeah, the anxiety kind of rocketed a bit. He grinned as I walked up and flashed one of his insanely brilliant smiles and said, "Hey Beautiful! How are you?” and I think that’s when I made the decision to not care that night. I had texted Nicole the night before telling her I felt fat, gross, and completely disgusting. And then I had this guy that meant the world to me just casually call me beautiful. So I grinned, and replied with “Fine, how about you?” and he politely said he was doing great just as well.

While this exchange was happening, Logan had taken it upon himself to observe my outfit. As I turned to him, he smiled at me and said “I’m loving this. Your hair, that top, the skirt and just everything. You look amazing.” and dear god, if that doesn’t make a girl weak in the knees I don’t know what would. As we hugged he chuckled and jokingly said, “Guys, even her hair smells good!" 

Next up was Kendall, and if you know me, you know I have this horrible love/hate relationship with him that’s completely unjustified and in all honestly I really do like him. I just hate how I always got teased about him. We hugged and he told me he loved my head chain and that I looked like "A little traveling gypsy” and that was that. I was about to hug Carlos – I got a handshake in – when Dustin tapped my shoulder. He told me to turn around for the photo and I remember looking up at Kendall with the biggest deer in the headlights expression, two seconds of panic rushing through me before pouting and blurting out “But I–I want to-Can I stand with James?"  and I looked at Dustin and he nodded knowingly, and then I turned my head to find James standing with his arms wide open, grin widespread on his face. "Come here, then! I’m waiting!” he said as he jokingly tapped his foot. 

Needless to say, I flew towards him. He pulled me into another hug and I remembered promising a girl in line that if she was going to ask Kendall something, I’d ask James to do some ridiculous pose. So i placed my hand on his chest and said “Um, can we do a face smash? Like you do on the show?” and he answered “Face smash? Of course we can." 

Click.

Logan chuckled behind me and to Kendall (I assume) said "Oh, she likes THAT one.” and I rolled my eyes and thanked James, and then more to myself than anyone (I thought I said it in my head) said “Don’t fuck it up.” Because Kailey and I have this thing where we don’t say anything went well until the end of the show. And as freaked out as I was to have realized I said it out loud, the boys snickered as I bounced off and I heard a faint call of “Have a great time at the show tonight, Darlin’!” from James as I collected my things.

And my God, I really did. 

So that’s my SUMMER BREAK TOUR experience. I hope it didn’t bore you, and if it did I’m truly sorry. But thank you for reading. I want to end this by saying to all of you that rusher or not, you’re beautiful and you matter.

xoxox

HOME!! had such a fun time, and if you want to know message me because i really don’t want to make a massive post.

long story short: not a kendall girl still (but damn that bitch tried hard.), carlos is actually sexy to me, papa pena is fucking adorable, and i spent basically the entire night with kailey and kennia. fabulousssss.