I’ve been thinking a whole lot..maybe a little bit too much. I try not to worry myself but my fleshly ways get to my head..I’m only human..
So, I look around at all of the ‘happy’ couples and I wonder, “Will I ever find it?” I know, I know..I don’t want to go on and on sounding like I have 'IGTDAS’ (I’m going to die alone syndrome), I just feel like it sometimes.. I know I must be patient, I need to wait for God’s timing to bring that wonderful young man along, but I guess I just get a little lonely sometimes.
I try not to be too picky with what I want in a man, but I know there has to be chemistry between us and musicality. I tend to attract the same type of guy, they don’t know what they want, who they are, they don’t care about getting an education or trying to make something of themselves at all, they are 'at church’ and they attend regularly but they are not 'in church’ per say, not living a Christ-like life, for some reason that’s the typical type of a boy I tend to attract and, quite frankly, that’s not attractive to me at all. I will admit in my younger years, the 'bad boy’ was attractive but I was a girl, a child, I was naive.
Now, honestly, I want someone I can 'click’ with, I’m looking for my soul mate, someone I can talk with about music, someone I can laugh with, but also someone I can get through things with, my 'better half’, someone I can have an intellectual conversation with.. I’m not 'ditsy’ like most of the girls my age but I’m not a know-it-all either. I know what I want though, I know I’m young (18) but I’ve put lots of thought into my future, my plans, my calling. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m better than the other girls I know or anything like that, I am NOT better by no means. I don’t fit in with them though, I’ve hung out and talked with other girls my age and they are so immature, they don’t know what to do with themselves, they don’t have any plans or goals.
I feel like I’m all alone..am I the only one who’s planned ahead?? Planned on my career when I was 14, the college I wanted to attend…planned on what kind of man I wanted to marry since I was 12, planned on how many children I want to have (if the Lord permits in all of these things of course, His timing and His will).. I feel so alone, like I’m the only girl around here that thinks like this, or even thinks at all.
I know, I’m just rambling on and on..but I wonder ya know? I don’t want to marry for money/security. I want to be in love, I want to fall in love with someone, build a strong relationship, get married and start a family. I’m not interested in dating or 'trying out’ everyone I know. I just want to meet 'The One’ and BAM! I pray about this all the time, God knows my heart and He knows exactly what I want, and although I do pray for all of these things, I want HIS will in my life, not my will. He knows what’s best for me and I trust Him 100%.
I know you’re out there somewhere, My Love, and when the Lord allows, I will finally meet you face-to-face..
Until then, be safe, and I’m praying for you, My Darling..