Hi lovely, I understand that it must feel very bad, but that just goes to show that these people shouldn’t be involved in your life anymore! As painful as it can be, moving on is our best option in this situation. This however, is entirely your choice, and will come from your own doing- if there’s a chance that you could have a civil discussion with either one of them and patch things up (if that’s what you want), then by all means you may. But, I think it’d be best to move on, and that includes from your friend too.
In all honesty, your friend doesn’t seem so much like a best friend if she’s willing to defame you and turn others against you, especially if it’s out of cold blood. We have the option to try and talk things out with her, but this very well may escalate into something dramatic, which we don’t want. That being said I think withdrawing from your friend would actually help a lot of the issue. I’m not telling you to ignore her completely, but we can gradually cut down on how much time we spend around her, especially if this friendship is doing more harm than good. If you say she’s your best friend, you can explain to her that you feel very hurt because this boy doesn’t like you because of her, and it wasn’t a very nice thing to do. If things continue civilly, suggest a way the situation could be improved- that is, maybe it’d help if you all sat down and apologized and got to know each other from the start again. Moving on from your friend takes a similar method to that of moving on from the boy. It’s a very gradual process.
First of all, try to limit how much time you spend around either of them. Don’t deliberately ignore them, but slowly and very gradually cut down on how often you see them and message them. For example, you may talk to your friend every day of the week. Maybe begin talking for only five, or replying to a message later when you’re not busy, to see if she gets the idea. If she wants to meet up, you may go, but if you feel like you won’t enjoy it or if it’s harmful for you, you’re allowed to say that you’re busy. You’re allowed to go out and talk to them when they initiate conversation, but try not to dwell on anything. Sometimes the less you talk to someone, the more you lose a connection. If something ever happens between any of you or you just want to get things over and done with, a direct discussion is the best option- you’re allowed to tell them if you don’t want to be friends, but this can make things awkward. It could still be an option though.
Moving on from someone you like will hurt for a while darling, I’m not going to lie. I think the key to overcoming heartbreak is to be patient with yourself- as cliché as it sounds, give yourself time. Not only that, but don’t stress yourself out over it! Sometimes we elongate the recovery process because we stress out about whether or not we’re moving on fast enough- remember that it’s ok to take your time- there is no due date. Don’t rush things! Because either way, it will genuinely happen one day, and you’ll feel a lot better. I know because it happened to me!
But of course, it takes more than just waiting. In order for change to occur, we must first inflict it ourselves. After all, we can’t just wake up one day and expect to feel better! Fortunately, there are many ways we can catalyse the healing process. The first important thing to do is to learn to love yourself. Be nice to yourself. Look after yourself, so others can look after you. Take time out of your day each day for alone time. Let yourself relax and de-stress from the weight of everyday life each day. Engage in hobbies and discover new interests- this is a great way to build self esteem and lifts your mood! Find what you like, and acknowledge what you’re good at. Write lists, lots of lists- of things you like about yourself (regardless of how small- and yes, there are heaps of things to like! I’d already put your capacity for love on your list!), of your favourite things, of things that make you happy, of your wishes and dreams. Give yourself time each day to just be you and discover more about yourself. Teach yourself to let yourself come first. You are the person you should love first. Acknowledging your own worth mends the heartbreak. Eat well, and sleep well too- psychiatrists have identified that the foundations of optimal mental health lie in good sleep and diet- so look after yourself! Treat yourself, and reward yourself when you do something well- don’t be shy!
One of the most effective ways to move on from any type of person, is to introduce new people into your life. It may sound daunting, but it’s a lot easier when you actually do it! It’s a great confidence booster, and you get to make a lot of friends! Sometimes, you just have to bite the bullet and initiate a conversation with someone- they will almost always appreciate it! Get to know kids in your class, in your area, your neighbours, people online, wherever you can! Have a range of different people in your life- acquaintances, colleagues, friends; supportive friends, funny friends, intelligent friends, distractive friends, school friends, family friends, friends of friends. Just think to yourself, “what have I got to lose?” and show them the great person you are! And here’s something that always works for me- if you pretend something isn’t awkward, it never really is- you can automatically make people feel comfortable around you, and it’s a great feeling! And who knows, you may very well find someone you like even more than him! Not only is it important to meet new people, but it’s also fundamental to strengthen ties with the people who are already in your life. Decide who is worthwhile in your life, and strengthen your relationship with them- this is inclusive of both friends and family. Build a strong support network so you always have someone to turn to, especially if you’re feeling down. It’s great to have all sorts of people in your life- whether it’s those who can offer advice, those who can distract you from your negative thoughts, those with a wild imagination, those with humour, or those bound to you by blood!
Another effective way to move on from the past, is to create a new future for ourselves. This person is now in the past of your life; it’s happened, and you want to move on. So, are we going to let it stop us from living the life we want? No way! You still have the strength to achieve whatever it is you want! You see, when we like someone, we invest so must thought, energy, trust, and emotion to them- so, why not transfer that investment to ourselves, and see where the future takes us? This doesn’t have to stop at ourselves, but to our family, and our worthwhile friends too! So, wake up each day and set a goal to achieve by the end of the day, no matter how small. Have dreams and aspirations. Write them down. Collect pictures of places you want to go, things you want to do, what you want to achieve, and stick them up where you will always see them. Use them to motivate you. Come up with a plan. Start with small goals, and work into bigger ones. Break down an objective into baby steps- think- step by step, how will I achieve this? Learn about other people’s stories and use them to inspire your own. Reward yourself- you deserve it! And, if you don’t know what your dreams are, and you don’t know what you want in life, now is your time to find out! And to find out, let’s go back to the start, and learn more about yourself! Create a character profile and discover what you enjoy, what you’re good at, and what you want to try. Experiment. Learn. Ask others. Share ideas and create your own. Your future will be as exciting as you want it to be. Don’t hold back!
I’m sorry that things hurt now darling, but it really is temporary! There are things that we never thought we’d be able to survive, but we did, and this is one of those things! Of course, it all takes time, so please be nice to yourself, and patient with yourself. Give yourself space and the time to grow and learn on your own terms. Friends walk in and out of our lives, but that has no bearing whatsoever on how important we are! And if any type of relationship ever does anything toxic to you, it’s okay to let go of it, so don’t be afraid to. If you’re ever feeling hurt, please talk to someone about how you feel as well. Meet new people, strengthen your relationships with others, and discover more about your own identity. Learn to love yourself, and look after yourself. Set goals and have dreams and look forward to your future. Sometimes we have to go through things like this so that we don’t make the same mistake next time. I like to see every hardship as a chance to catalyse my own self-discovery, why not do the same? Somewhere along the line, on a completely unexpected day, you’re gonna wake up and you’re going to remember that boy and think to yourself, “wow. It took me some time but I am over it, and so much happier!” Look forward to that day, it’s gonna happen. Best wishes xx