passing

We hurry. We hurry all our life. We just run to catch that bus at 3:37pm, we hurry on social networks to see if we’ve missed something ”important”, we hurry to work,at school at that place, we hurry up, down, left and right. 
We should stop. We should learn to appreciate every moment of our life. Because at one point we”ll realize how old we are and how time has passed fast. We’ll have nothing but memories. 
- his-eyes-are-brighter-than-stars.tumblr.com

anonymous asked:

Hi! So I really want to bind, but seeing as I'm a 60G, I'm afraid I can't? Because I have massive breasts and am really skinny. Can you help? Like would it even work for me to bind?

The most important thing here is managing your expectations when it comes to binding. Everyone can benefit from this, as I think many people purchase a binder with the idea that it will make them completely flat and are then disappointed when it doesn’t. Binders work with the tissue that is there and they compress this tissue as much as possible, but ultimately it can’t make it disappear. Therefore it’s important to realize that binders are going to make your chest much more flat than it currently is but there will likely still be a bump on the chest where this tissue is.

However, it’s not a lost cause and there are ways to mask this bump. Effective binding is about having an effective binder in a proper size and using clothing to hide and direct attention away from what is left. This is where patterned shirts, plaid button-ups, and thick hoodies come into play. Vertical and diagonal lines are usually good, but avoid horizontal lines as these will end up ‘framing’ your chest. Dark colors can hide the shadow of your chest and are quite effective, particularly black clothing as well. Layering clothing, such as a jacket over a shirt, also does wonders. Experimenting with ways to position yourself within a binder will also help. Some people find they are the most flat when they put their chest “down and out”, others “up and out”, and for others they prefer different variations. It’s up to you to determine what is best for your particular body.

The bottom line here is that binding is going to be effective for everyone to an extent. Some people are fortunate enough to look entirely flat with just a binder, but most of us have to put in work after that to truly get to that point or to come closer to it. I’d recommend looking for binders that are known to be effective for particularly large chests, to work on centering your wardrobe around helping to hide your chest, but also managing your expectations and making sure they’re as realistic as possible. No matter what a binder will make you flatter than you were before, so it’s a step in the right direction even if it isn’t perfect.

I think one of the most terrifying experiences you can have as a closeted autistic person is to hear someone casually mention someone they know who’s on the spectrum.

Your heart immediately starts racing. You know the next few things out of their mouth are going to be how they feel about people like you, and that what they say might forever change your relationship with them, even if they’re unaware of it. Do they pity people like you? Is there going to be a Great But remark (he’s smart but autistic, pretty but autistic). Does this person even know they’re being outed? Are they considered problems by their friends and family, or loved and respected?

And then, bubbling under your tongue: what if I said I was like that? Especially in cases where the person’s been mocking the autistic person in question—how would it feel for them to know that you, someone they respect, is also like that? And you know you can’t, because coming out can have disastrous ramifications if treated lightly. Can they tell? Have they been able to tell all along? Make eye contact. Try to prevent your heart from hammering against your chest. God-damnit, stop fiddling with your sleeve! Do they know what a stim is? Can they tell you’re stimming? Do they notice? What would they think?

All this in thirty seconds, and then: nothing. The old routine of it. And this is every day, every month, every year for you, when the most valuable thing society ever taught you is how to not be what you are.

Hello all! While trying to pass myself, I have gathered many sources and I intend to share them. So, my love for masterposts has manifested into this! Everything is categorized by are of the body/topic, so let’s get started :)

Let’s start with the head!

  • A short haircut, but not too short. All over buzz doesn’t usually work due to shaping of the head and jawlines. 
  • Classic boy cuts can usually work, depending on how well the rest of you passes.
  • I’ve found that some bangs (even just to slick them back) helps with passing. 
  • If you have a very feminine face, use makeup to contour the face. Like in this diagram 
  • Lemon juice can reduce rosiness in the lips & cheeks, as cis men typically have less contrast in facial coloring. 
  • Use a brow pencil or something of the sorts to darken and add in eyebrows, as cis men’s eyebrows usually start lower and closer to the eyes.
  • Also about eyes, cis men usually don’t have the wide eyed look, try to keep squinting, you don’t want to look doe eyed.
  • and now, about voice. Man guys pass, until they open their mouth. 
  • To get into lower voice mode, stick your tongue out and talk. Yes, you sound ridiculous, but your voice lowers. Put your tongue in your mouth and try to keep going with that voice tone.
  • Raise your palette, which sounds weird but is kind of easy (especially if you have a history of singing.) it feels like lowering your tongue, even though it can push down into your mouth any further. 
  • Also, to get into low voice mode, hum in the deep bottom of your throat, and after awhile (weeks I mean, of doing this once or twice daily for 10 minutes.) your voice is now naturally lowered. 
  • Along with this humming say “bing-bong king-kong” in the same part of your throat, holding the “nnng”s
  • Lie flat on your back, knees bent, (like a curl up position) and move your neck into quadruple chin mode, then relax. Repeat for 20 minutes daily and your voice should naturally lower. 
  • This takes about 20 seconds and significantly deepens your voice for up to an hour 

So now we’re onto the torso!

  • To get broader shoulders, lift your shoulders up and down it builds up muscle in your next to shoulder area (according to football player in my Italian 1 class) 
  • If you’re super scrawny, lift! If you have a small body type make sure to not over-do it, nobody wants to be this guy
  • Of course, binding
  • I’m starting with safety, do not ever use ace bandage or tape to bind, no matter how “good” the result look. It’s not good. trust me.
  • If you can purchase a proper binder 
  • I use this one which is only $4.99 and accepts PayPal 
  • Another makeshift way to bind is this tutorial i’ve seen people use is this diy
  • How to bind properly (YouTube video)
  • And remember, if it hurts, stop. and also, never bind for more than 8 hours at a time, with some good rest time in between!
  • Okay but you know what else in on the torso? Your clothes.
  • Observe guys around you? What do they wear? Model after it, but also, stick to your own style.
  • Depending on how well your binding is, you might want to wear looser shirts. 
  • The looser shirts also eliminate curves 
  • But don’t get too baggy. You’ll just look foolish if you’re practically in that ghost costume from when you were younger trying to be charlie brown
  • Also, if you’re not super muscled/have good binding hoodies and jackets can cover these up.

Legs and the *whispers* nether regions

  • If wearing jeans, wear them loose and in a boy style. Fyi: Boy Jeans are comfortable as hell. Same goes for sweats. Waaay better than the ones sold to women.
  • If wearing skinny jeans, you need to pack, when cis guys wear skinny jeans you can see their, stuff
  • People may not be looking for a bulge but in skinny jeans they’ll notice. 
  • When wearing shorts, you might want a substantial amount of leg hair, unless you swim, then you kind of have an excuse. 
  • And keep them loose unless you plan on packing!
  • Okay but about packing, there are at home ways, and store bought ways, both pretty effective. 
  • Guide to a homemade packer: Gel in condom edition (YouTube Video)
  • Packer from a sock tutorial
  • Mr.Limpy products work well
  • But if you’re packing, you could consider using the men’s room. Only do this if you pass 100%, for safety reasons of course.
  • Guide to bathrooms (YouTube video)
  • But if you’re suing the men’s room, especially urinals, you need an STP
  • Make one using a packer & a harness
  • Make one using a medicine spoon or under $5 edition
  • For shoes, only wear what you like, you need to like what you’re wearing after all. Vans, Converse, Nike, and most sneakers will pass. 
  • If you have really tiny feet, maybe wear a size up, with like 2 pairs of socks to keep them on.
  • TOMS and other shoes like that may work if you a more stereotypically flamboyant gay guy. But if you like it, go for it. stereotyping sucks sorry for that. 

And then of course, what’s all this if you don’t act the part? Male mannerisms are weird, especially to those of us socialized as girls.

  •  the most important part, don’t swing your hips. Arm gestures are mostly unimportant, but if you want to work on that, just don’t sway them in a flamboyant fashion, and keep them in a consistent position and direction with the sides of your hands facing forward and you’ll be fine.
  • For walking as a guy, I have cis friends who taught me to walk, and they told me this: Shake out your arms, get them loose, thumbs in pockets. Shoulders up and back, but your entire posture should be slouched. When you walk, lead with your shoulders, it reduces hip movement. Oh, and keep your head up.
  • Confidence is key, remember you are a guy, so be a little cocky.
  • When sitting, take up space, legs spread, arms resting on things around you.  
  • When crossing legs, cross them at the ankles, or rest your ankle on your knee. Don’t cross them at the knee. 
  • Remember, girls move their hands more when they talk, unless you’re extremely Italian, then you might be able to get away with it.
  • For posture, I notice that guys either stand straight up and down, or their shoulders hunch over a little. Now girls seem to have a posture where their butt sticks out a little and their shoulders are pulled a little and their chest comes out and up. Like for girls, the small of their back is pulled in more, giving their spine a noticeable curve. Whereas on guys, it seems like their spine just goes straight up and down.
  • When walking, take long strides and clomp your feet a little. Never walk on your toes or the ball of your foot.
  • Skip stairs, take then 2 or 3 at a time.
  • Scratch your “package”
  • Don’t use “like” a lot when you talk either.
  • The head nod, you know, the little “sup” motion
  • Really, the main thing is looking male – once this happens, your behavior will be seen as “male behavior” because it is coming from someone who looks male. Even if it isn’t stereotypical. You could be the butchest woman alive, and people would still see it as “female behavior” to some degree. It’s just an unfortunate flaw in human thought.
  • Eat. Have you seen the football team at school eat? Yeah. Be that guy. 
  • 2 burgers and large fries for me please
  • Loose some table manners
  • But not all of them, be a decent human being

And that’s all I have. I don’t have advice on T or surgery, because this wasn’t a guide to your trans life. This is a guide on passing everyday. So good luck my fellow men! But always remember, be yourself, do’t try to fit the all american stereotype. Being yourself can lead to more confidence, so always keep a touch of you in what you wear and do. 

lemonrays asked:

This blog is fucking terrifying. Happy Halloween, I guess. Your standards for being qualified as a trans woman is absolutely absurd, alienating all those who cannot afford the thousands of dollars to transition 100%. Trans women aren't going to call themselves men until their transitioning process is 100% and they get a stamp of approval from society. That's not how it works.

Listen: life isn’t fair. That sucks, but it’s also reality. As an idealist, I’m heavily invested in trying to make life more fair. But the way to do that is to directly engage with reality, not just try to force everyone else in the world to buy into my particular fantasy.

In every society ever known to have existed, gender is attributed based on perceived sex. This also applies to societies with so-called third genders (hijra, two-spirit etc) - because have you ever heard of a female hijra? Of course not! To be a hijra, you have to be male! As in, born with a penis! As in, taller than a person born female, on average. As in, significantly narrower hips than a person born female. As in, lower pitched voice than a person born female. As in, longer bones and larger more muscle mass than a person born female. None of these things are “socially constructed” - they are biological facts! And every person ever born uses all of these facts every day to determine the sex of the people we interact with. Including you!

In cultures where people are frequently naked, sex is immediately obvious to everyone. In times/cultures when people have worn a lot of clothes (think US and Europe in the 1890’s) it was easier to disguise your sex. Why do you think so many women lived their lives as men in the late 19th/early 20th century? Because living as a woman meant a choice between poverty or being a man’s servant, and it was easy enough to disguise your sex through the clothing of the time that it was possible to cross-live! So lets be real: how many “passing women” have there been in Kenya, would you say?

This issue about the cost of transition has been a persistent complaint for a few decades now, but it really doesn’t make any sense. Very few males are able to consistently pass as female without hormonal and surgical intervention. And even with many thousands of dollars in hormonal and surgical interventions, many trans women will never consistently pass as female. This is just reality and every trans woman knows it. This is why coverage for “trans healthcare” isn’t actually a solution to many trans women’s problems: because even with these interventions, they are still going to stick out. Taking hormones and getting surgeries doesn’t make a trans woman either female or a woman. Nothing will ever make us female, and the only thing that can make us women is if we are perceived to be female. Hormones and surgery can help make this perception happen for some of us, but it doesn’t work for all of us, it may only work for a period of our lives, and no matter what there is no guarantee.

I am a trans woman, and I hate this because it feels so unfair! Believe me! But the fact that this feels unfair does not make males look like females. I mean, really? Talk about a non sequitur. Do these doorstops make your penis look like a vagina? Really??? It is an inescapable fact that nobody is going to mistake a male for a female unless that person ~wait for it~ looks female. So the whole trans project of trying to force other people to perceive things for what they are not is a delusional, childish farce. Like, exact enactment of “Emperor’s new clothes”. It is exactly the height of male foolishness and delusion!

In saying this, I’m not “throwing my trans sisters who can’t pass under the bus”, or any bullshit like that. They are male but they feel other than men; I am male and I feel other than a man. We have this very essential, deep thing in common! But this internal feeling we share doesn’t change the fact that some of my “sisters” look unambiguously male and always will. And even more importantly, it doesn’t change the fact that some of my “sisters” think, speak, and behave exactly like men. I have the right to acknowledge reality, and that trumps the narcissistic injury to their deluded self-perception. The way to heal from deluded self-perception is to learn to accept and embrace reality, not force others to cater to your crazy bullshit.

If “wishing something” made it true, the world would be a completely different place. Maybe better, maybe worse. But if you think we actually live in a world where wishing alone changes reality, you need to grow the fuck up. You seem like a decent person so I’m not saying this out of hate or anger, but out of genuine concern. The way forward for all trans women is to create cultural space which allows and celebrates gender non-conformity in males. The fact that some trans women pass as female is a side-effect of the gender straightjacket, and it is absurd that we can legislate people’s perception of sex. We need a program that works to liberate everyone from sex role stereotypes - which is not feminism, but is directly compatible with feminism. That’s the kind of “trans feminism” I can get behind - not this cotton ceiling, female penis bullshit.

Happy Halloween, and best wishes.

In this culture, gender attribution, like gender assignment, is phallocentric. That is, one is male until perceived otherwise. According to a study done by Kessler and McKenna, one can extrapolate that it would take the presence of roughly four female cues to outweigh the presence of one male cue: one is assumed male until proven otherwise. That’s one reason why many women today get “sirred” whereas very few men get called “ma’am.”
—  Kate Bornstein, Gender Outlaw

It’s ok to want to pass, it’s ok to worry about whether you look like a male or not, it’s ok to be hung up on this.

So sick of trans guys on facebook saying “it doesn’t matter if you pass, be you, do you, fuck everyone else”.  Like fuck off, some people care if they pass, some people worry about this, some people need it for safety or their own mental well-being.  

What’s most infuriating is that it’s almost always the guys who you can tell have been on T a pretty good while, and have no trouble passing.  So yeah, it’s easy to say that if you pass and aren’t mistaken for a woman all the time.  I don’t know why some post transition guys can’t remember back to what it was like before they could pass regularly.  That may have been a long time ago for me but I still remember all those instances of shitty times before I passed.  

Image via Historical Society of Cheshire County

Several years ago, Stanford historian Allyson Hobbs was talking with a favorite aunt, who was also the family storyteller. Hobbs learned that she had a distant cousin whom she’d never met nor heard of.

Which is exactly the way the cousin wanted it.

Hobbs’ cousin had been living as white, far away in California, since she’d graduated from high school. This was at the insistence of her mother.

Dr. Albert Johnston passed in order to practice medicine. After living as leading citizens in Keene, N.H., the Johnstons revealed their true racial identity, and became national news.

Writer Allyson Hobbs was haunted by the story, and constantly went back to it in her mind. It made her realize that all the tales she’d heard about passing over the years involved the gains that people expected for leaving their black identity behind. But through her research, she came to understand there was another, critical part of the experience:

"To write a history of passing is to write a history of loss."

Read the rest of Karen Grigsby Bates’ piece on Hobbs and the history of passing over at NPR’s Code Switch.