I Hate You So Much, Marty
(from my continuing series “Players I Love To Hate and Hate To Love But Mostly Just Really Hate”)
The New Jersey Devils’ game plan is essentially just the personification of stubbornness. You wanna come this way? Nope. Think you got some open ice there? Of course you don’t. Shot blocking? They’re all about it. And you think you can stop them from scoring? You can for a while, but the infuriating jerks just keep at it. Bullying their way to the goal. God I hate it.
Do you know how much it hurts to even look at this as a Rangers fan?
And then there’s Marty. Sneering under his mask, standing in goal like a giant middle finger to anyone on the ice with a mind to shoot the puck. Think you can get one past him? NAH, dick.
He’s barely even working hard, he just thought this pose would look cool for the camera.
And as I’ve mentioned previously, he’s been doing this since the dawn of time. In the beginning, the earth was molten granite, fire, and raging fury. Out of the boiling abyss arose The One. Son of Hellfire. Fuckin’ Mar-TAN BRO-deur.
Look at this jerk.
He’s too goddamn good.
He can’t be stopped.
We’ve been trying for so, so very long.
One of these days, you’re going to retire. That’s our only comfort.
We loathe you, Marty. You straight up make our lives hell. But we tip our hats to you, sir. You are a worthy opponent. And somewhere down the road, after the glorious, blessed day when you finally do retire, we will really miss hating your guts.