pantsfreesia

pantsfreesia asked:

Once upon a time I made a thing. It was a glorious thing, a quilted thing. All colorful and fancy. The best thing about my thing is that I can use it to dutch oven my 8 year old son when he won't stop with the armpit farts. The end.

BEST. STORY. EVER.

pantsfreesia asked:

Why does the internet hurt my feelings sometimes? Also, if there's a cure for not being able to stop watching that guy-kissing-his-cat gif, don't tell me. And also, why is PMS such an evil bitch?

I have the same problem when I’m feeling low. Everything I see just makes me feel sad, even things from my friends. That’s when I take a social media break. 

I would never try to stop you from watching that gif. 

Because its Mom didn’t hug it enough. 

pantsfreesia asked:

Christmas 2000! My husband & I had been married a year, and since his family is quite large, all the brothers/wives/grandkids over 18 draw names for gifts so we don't all go broke. That year, one of my BIL's had my name. When I opened the box, I saw he had very thoughtfully given me a black see-through nightie. Oy. And yet that wasn't the worst present that year. My MIL gave me a pair of ankle weights. On top of the ankle weights was a pair of socks that had been peed on by the dog. Then end.

UGH. Saddest. Christmas. EVER. 

Um. Is it okay that I’m imaging you rushing home and putting all three of them on at once and then twirling around like a ballerina?

pantsfreesia asked:

Related: If you were a Princess in Ooo, what is your Princess name? Since, you know, it appears there's an infinite number of princesses there.

Marshmallow Princess, because I am soft and sweet and pasty white and coated with corn starch. 

pantsfreesia asked:

I would like to share one of my favorite poems: Ooey gooey was a worm / A mighty worm was he / He sat upon the railroad track / The train he did not see / Ooey gooey. My question: do you have a favorite poem?

I love it. :) It made me think of the baby bumblebee song we used to sing in girl scouts!

My favorite poem has always been this one by Dickinson:

I’m nobody - who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us—don’t tell 
They’d banish us, you know

How dreary to be somebody
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog

pantsfreesia asked:

My cat Zapper snores. This is simultaneously adorable and disconcerting on conference calls when she is draped over me while I work.

Shampoo snores, too. It’s about the cutest thing that has ever happened, ever.

pantsfreesia asked:

Don't remember how I found out about sex other than a dirty joke about making sandwiches in bed and mayo running down a woman's leg. My mom gave me the pamphlet on periods but not the one about sex. I found my sister's copy of the sex pamphlet in high school, and held onto that nugget until my wedding day. When my mom asked if I had any questions about my wedding, I asked her why she never gave me the sex pamphlet. It was a magical day. :)

GAH,

I found out about my period the week before I got it. Worst. Week. EVER. 

pantsfreesia asked:

I am mailing you a package today! Huzzah! This is not a question, is it? Oh... wait. Dagnabbit.

You guys. 

Pam made me a robot quilt. 

IT. IS. AWESOME. 

Pam, do you have good photos of this? Because I want to share them with The People.