• Pastor:and so, we commemorate Rachel's body into the ground. but first, we will play one of her favorite songs, as stipulated in her will.
  • Pastor:[presses play]
  • Me:[punches through coffin] alL YOU SINNERS STAND UP SING HALLELUJAH

When the fuck did knobs go out of style when it comes to ovens? I’m at my brothers house and the oven uses some kind of fucking touch screen button shit and I burnt my pizza and I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO TUNR IT OFFFFF WHAT THE FUUUCKKKKK

Signs at  a Funeral

Aries- “Do they serve cake here?”

Taurus- “Guys, why is the dead guy yellow?

Gemini- Singing “This is Gospel”

Cancer- The dead one

Leo- Crying with Virgo

Virgo- Crying on the outside, laughing on the inside

Libra- “Hey? How did this person even die?”

Scorpio- “I think he was murdered, or maybe he had cancer…”

Sagittarius- *Stands up* “We all gather here today to celebrate Cancer’s death.”

Capricorn- *whispers* “Do you think he meant to say celebrate?”

Aquarius- “Uhm duh…”

Pieces- *shows up after the funeral ends*