other:e

At night, when I can’t fall asleep i stare at the ceiling and gaze over my place even though I know I can’t even clearly see things because there was no light present and it’s too dark and I’m not in the mood to get up and switch on the lights just to observe on things that would not help me require to solve my own problems. I think of things that was too impossible to be done. I think of the things that were not really necessary. Like the concept of dying and being dead. Or the idea of leaving my own place in replace of those place I always see in my dreams. It was too surreal. Everything was. And while midnight came, I can see myself tear for some reason I can not merely explain. It’s an old habit you see, I feel a lot more sobber when the clock strikes to 12. I get to experience the feeling of being a lone and lonely at the same time. Even though my little brother is sleeping just right beside me. And that’s the point, people can be asleep and dead for a little time or for some time and they wouldn’t even know what may occur to people beside them or people from another room. Or even people from another side of the world. They may know nothing. They are clueless. When I am falling apart, the world seems to be alright with their normal routines going on. I guess I just need to face things alone because no one can fight for my whole sake without a second thinking except for me.
—  11:42 // (g.t)
I used to be the reason why you fall asleep past your bedtime, holding your phone at your right hand unconsciously smiling toward something that is not there. I used to be your pill where just by taking me it would mean so much to you, mainly because I help you forget your whole world which was a great thing because the world is cruel and I don’t want you to get scars of judgment and pain of insecurities. I used to help you see things clearly but not by the use of those nerd glasses or contact lenses, rather help you dig down deep when everything seems to be too shallow for you. I used to mean everything to you for I define every sadness and happiness you have felt. I gave you different colors and made you paint your own white canvas with emotions you have kept on your own for several nights of staying low and keeping your guard up the whole time. And by this I made you strong enough to handle things alone because you can and I surely know you can do things without any guidelines or directions from others so I’m setting my other half free to take care of himself and to discover new things as the sun goes by until the dawn. Regardless of me, regardless of my presence.
—  17:17 // (g.t)