No Will and No More Madness

Orange and I were discussing Uriel’s and Hester’s death scenes in “On the Head of a Pin” and “Reading is Fundamental,” respectively. What got us were how similar they were, mirroring each other so well that it had to be intentional. We kicked around a little discussion on it, and she thought it’d be a cool idea for me to post it, so here it is!

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You may discard this as you see fit, but I submit for your consideration:

Dean and Cas bringing baby Hael home from the hospital.  She’s still tiny and wrinkly, kinda squashed and pink.  She’s already got Cas’ squinty face down to an art and she’s not even a week old.  Dean personally thinks that’s impressive.

Emma got to meet her baby sister for the first time just yesterday.  She’s been so excited (no sign of that sibling rivalry bullshit, not yet, anyway), just bright, vibrating excitement.  Cas held both of his daughters while Dean stood beside him, a hand on Cas’ shoulder, another on Emma’s hair, smiling down at the new baby, with something in his eye. 

Emma is jumping at the door, bouncing on the balls of her feet, eager to help, wanting to be an awesome big sister.  As fare as Dean is concerned, she’s already at least halfway there just by opening that big old heart of hers.

Sam and Sarah coo over the new baby.  They stay and take pictures and congratulate everyone and take their turn holding her. 

Emma gets tired of the grown up formalities and bullshit. She wants to play with Hael, and when Sarah and Sam leave, hugging everyone with extra kisses for Emma, she says as much, straightforward and determined, with Cas’ firm tone and Dean’s stubborn chin.  She’s a force to be reckoned with, their kid, and Dean tries to hide a smile.  Cas responds first,  he opens his arms for her to climb up onto his lap, cuddling her close to his chest.  He reminds her gently that Hael is still too small to play knights or dress up, she needs to get bigger before she can color or climb trees.  Emma looks so damn sad, disappointed, put out.  Dean immediately moves to comfort her, but Cas catches his eyes, and nods in the direction of the bassinet before Dean can intervene.  He knows (without knowing exactly how he knows) what Cas is up to.

Dean gently scoops the baby up into his arms.  She’s so tiny, this new daughter, her head barely fills his palm.  Her tiny mouth works and five of her little fingers curl instinctively around one of his. It’s amazing to think that this tiny person, this little life, has been entrusted to him, to care for and love and protect.  He barely knows this new girl, but, if the lump in his throat and the warmth in his heart is anything to go by, he loves her already.  He smiles down at her in his arms, and then walks over to where Cas and Emma are sitting together on the couch.  It wasn’t so long ago, he thinks, that Emma was this little…

Cas smiles at Dean, soft, and strong, and Dean is floored, yet again, by how much you can love someone.  Dean sits right up next to him, so that Emma is sandwiched between them.  It’s not uncommon to make an Emma sandwich, Dean and Cas, hugging her from either side amongst bright peals of laughter, what’s different now is that they’re adding a new element to that. 

Cas gently runs a hand against’ Emma’s hair, presses his forehead gently against her’s.  It is important, he explains, for sisters to get to know one another despite age discrepancies (yes, Cas, talks like that to their five year old).

Cas presses a kiss to Emma’s forehead, and Dean helps Emma get situated between them before he gently places Hael in her arms.  He helps to steer her posture, adjusts the positions of her hands.  Emma’s eyes are round as saucers, her mouth parted in surprise, before she bites her lip as if she realizes that this is a Big Deal, Dean and Cas share a grin over her head.  Hael, to her credit, doesn’t fuss at the transfer, she just blinks up her big sister, with a tiny scrunched up face.

“Hello, Hael,” Emma says, because there are somethings that she’s picked up from Dean, but the idea that introductions are very important is something that she imbibed from Cas.  Dean finds this incredibly ironic and teases Cas about it (out of Emma’s hearing of course).

She doesn’t look up at either of her parents for guidance, but continues, voice hushed, because she learned from her teacher that you have to be careful not to be too loud around babies because you don’t want to hurt their ears and had spent three months lecturing Dean about his music volume, much to Cas’ amusement, “I’m your big sister,” she says it like it’s an title, like she should have a diploma and some business cards to that effect, proudly proclaiming her as Emma Grace Winchester, Official Big Sister.  It’s maybe the cutest fucking thing Dean has ever seen, and Emma has been his kid for going on six years now, he’s seen some cute fucking shit.

“I’m going to take very good care of you,” she promises and then presses a very firm, very official kiss on her forehead. 

Dean bites his own lip against that sudden burning in his eyes, and he feels Cas’ warm fingers against his cheek, meets Cas’ moist eyes over their daughters’ heads.  He feels complete.

oranges8hands replied to your post: I need a pick-me-up…..anybody got any …

Sam knows how to swim, it’s a requirement for pararescue, but he has bad memories of water. cue Riley helping him get through them….I didn’t really mean Riley giving Sam handjobs in the water but I have no problem if that’s where you take it :)

Three times Sam had timed himself that day and he could not for the life of him get his time under ten minutes. He knew that under 10:07 was all he needed, but dammit he wanted to hit the real mark, the one that made him a shoe-in for the PJs.

He reached out of the pool and set the timer going again. He would get it this time, he would. Sam Wilson never failed anything that was right that he put his mind to. He would make it this time.

At the end of the ten laps, he reached over the lip of the pool still gasping to check his time.

“10:03,” said a voice from above him. “Decent enough.”

Sam wiped the water out of his eyes and looked up. The guy–he’d seen him around, of course, because they were all trying to place in the same program and they’d been doing their tests in the same places. He’d waited in a hallway with this guy two days before and they hadn’t said a word. The guy had nodded before going in, just a quick almost-smile in Sam’s direction.

“I’m gonna do better,” said Sam. He was only sort of talking to the guy.

“Seems to me you need to relax,” said the guy and Sam realized he had the smooth Southern drawl Sam always associated with his aunt’s home in Georgia. Out of this guy’s mouth, it didn’t sound safe and warm like home. It sounded warm, though, just….a different kind.

“Yeah?” asked Sam, challenging.

“You’re over-thinking it,” the guy said and carefully placed the timer back on the edge of the concrete. Then he shucked off his shirt and stripped off his white-boy cargo pants. Sam raised an eye as, yep, there went the tighty-whities too.

“I’m not sure you’re thinking at all,” he started to say but was cut off mid-sentence when the guy dropped into the water beside him with a small splash.

“Sam, right?” the guy asked, ignoring Sam’s almost-sass.

“Yeah,” Sam agreed because everything else was confusing. The guy moved closer and everything was silent in the pool except for their mouths moving the water, their hands slipping in and out of the surface of the pool.

“’M Riley,” the guy–Riley–said. “I’ve seen you around.” As if that was the explanation that was clearly necessary.

“Sure,” said Sam, still unsure of where this was going.

“I’m gonna try something, OK?” Riley said, moving even closer. “Give a holler if–well, if anything comes up that needs hollering about.”

His grin was so completely smug that Sam almost wanted to lean back just to fuck with him, but there was also a blush across apples of his cheeks and he was so damned pretty too.

Sam leaned the wrong way, towards Riley, and their lips met briefly. Just a quick kiss and Riley would have kept it closed and weirdly chaste–considering he was buckass naked in the pool with a guy he’d only just exchanged introductions with–but Sam licked at the seam of his mouth. Riley’s hands slid up and down Sam’s waist and torso under the water.

Then Riley pulled back.

“OK,” he said, definitely smirking now. “Try it now.”

Sam blinked and tried to remember what he was supposed to try before his head cleared. Right.

Riley reached up and grabbed the timer from the edge of the pool and raised his eyebrows at Sam as if to say Well, what are you waiting for?

Sam rolled his eyes but he did kick off and, yes, this time he finished in 9:45.

So I was just informed that tonight’s episode is being brought to us by the most egregious writers on staff, which means that Cas may actually be asking Dean to torture on his behalf, which means that my hopes that this is some kind of Cas (and maybe Sam) orchestrated how-far-gone-is-Dean-via-mark-of-cain litmus test have about .5% chance of being accurate, which means that every cannonical instance in which Cas has tried to protect Dean from his darker hellfire spawned instincts are about to be undercut by Season 9 and fucking “I would give anything not to have you do this” and “Our fearless leader is all too well versed in the art of getting information” and “I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU” ARE ABOUT TO BE UNDERMINED, STOMPED ON, AND SET ON FIRE ALONGSIDE EVERY SCRIPT FROM SEASONS 1-5 AND I AM NOT ALL RIGHT OVER HERE.

oranges8hands replied to your post: Fuck you, Shameless. Fuck you. Fuck yo…

I am so fucking pissed

I honestly don’t even have words for how upset that episode made me. I actually had to pause it during that conversation between Debbie and Lip because I felt like I was going to throw up.

Then I screamed into my pillow and cried for like half an hour.

I was so fucking close to giving up this show like three times and now I’m just sitting here wondering why I didn’t actually do it. It’s hard because when Shameless is good, it’s really fucking good. And those parts stay with you and make it too easy to forgive the things that, really, shouldn’t be forgiven.

In any case, I’m definitely done with it now.

oranges8hands asked:

1/2: Because I really like your blog (I like coming to see what kind of metas you've come across), but my personal line of "okay" is being crossed so damn fast with John-apologists, I would appreciate if you could tell me why you re-blogged the "don't hate John too quick" post and not, say, any of the take downs about what exactly people who are talking about abusive-John are really talking about (since the "rot in jail" line is really the least of it.)

2/2: [For example abaddons-updo has been writing some great posts on the subject (like #67632952343 in which she talks about the unreliable narrator or #67582797898) and ssjdebusk (#67558440373) even did a comparison of werewolf marks vs human marks.] I would just appreciate knowing if there was something in that post you wanted to examine closer or you actually agree that John was not abusive so I can react accordingly. Thank you.

I haven’t seen ssjdebusk’s werewolf post yet; thank you for pointing it out. And thank you for the kind words about my blog, and for taking the time to ask about this.

I reposted crowleyandthegoats’s post because I agree with her interpretation of the cop’s behavior, since it’s exactly what I thought when I watched the episode.

I didn’t reblog abadddons-updo’s posts because I strongly disagree that there’s only one possible interpretation for the things we hear reported about John in this episode (or, indeed, for the last six seasons), and still less that it must necessarily assume the absolute worst about John.

I do not believe John was evil or that he deliberately and maliciously abused Sam and Dean.  I do believe that the way John raised Sam and Dean damaged them badly, and that some of his actions constitute abuse by neglect.  I believe he made terrible mistakes in child-rearing because he was suffering and broken and walking a knife-edge of fear and insanity and, even though he dearly loved his sons, he was not actually capable of being a good parent for most of the boys’ formative years, despite which they turned out to be good men.  

itstheclimb17 replied to your post “Tumblr Break Time”

Ok, talk to you later. Straighten out what you need to, and I’ll look forward to seeing you on the other side! <3

bienfilatre replied to your post “Tumblr Break Time”

Good luck with the debugging! We’ll continue to blather on in your absence.

oranges8hands replied to your post “Tumblr Break Time”

good luck!

brotherhoodoftheslice replied to your post “Tumblr Break Time”

Have a restful and productive week :) Treat yo'self whenever possible.

Thanks for all the well-wishes and the understanding!  :D!  LOTS OF HUGS AND LOVE.  No worries: I’ll be back stronger and clearer-headed. p^_^q

oranges8hands replied to your post:oranges8hands replied to your post:nerineluna…

Davis is trying the gross “saved from bad deeds by love” thing for both the twins but doesn’t care how its erasing Danny-Lydia & trying to redeem them by actions not related to the horrors they committed. I mean JFC who knows how many ppl they killed

Ugghhh i can’t honestly believe that, considering we are currently having a very nice redemption arc with Allison, who did things maybe half as bad as the twins. Like, all the bad things she’s done is being mirrored and instead of doing X she does Y this time and it all relates and it’s very clear she’s sorry for what she did and she’s actively correcting herself

But ugh the twins 1) when Lydia outright says ‘you murdered someone i knew and you’re not even sorry you’re gross’ aiden goes and throws a party where boyd was murdered in rebuttal????? and then with Danny, like they haven’t even talked since 3a. Like there was a post going around that they’re just useless Jacksons and I feel that post so hard, because they’re all assholes, but Jackson’s friendship with Danny and really fuckin horrible relationship and break up with Lydia did things to establish all the characters equally, while the twins are overshadowing the frickin main characters

Emma is three the first time she goes on a vacation. Dean figures she’s
big enough, at this point, to at least partially retain the experience;
Cas believes firmly that visiting new places is a ‘vital part of her
cognitive and emotional development’ (because Cas talks like that, which
is why Emma’s vocabulary will probably be off the charts in three
languages before she’s in first grade), and, frankly, both her daddies
survived the terrible twos with with only moderate scarring, and they
all probably deserve a little bit of a break.

bold-sartorial-statement answered:There’s a bagel on the Tumblr logo today. (Why? No idea.)

It was a Donut for Donut Day :) AKA that day where I hit up every Dunkin’s on the way home (I pass, like, four).

oranges8hands answered: It’s a doughnut & is used to celebrate volunteers in WWI who served soldiers doughnuts. It’s the first June of the yr. Not related to D-Day

Oh, I’m all up on Donut Day! I was referring more to this bit of weirdness.

dorkilybeautiful answered: Hellatus.


@carnilia said: So there is international donut day today, but if you mean the bagelpocalypse happening in SPN fandom, it was totally random bc a popular spn blog was making bagel puns and then more and more people got involved until it became bagelpocalypse.

Thank you! Man, this fandom, I don’t even know…

“Just wanted to wake you two sleepy heads,” she quirks an eyebrow at Dean.

It’s a very eloquent eyebrow really. It reminds Dean—half asleep and all—that he and Sam have to hit the road. Soon. It reminds him that he hasn’t told Emma, who is currently rubbing a small fist against her eyes, this information. It very, very clearly reminds him that he needs to tell her, and, if he’s not misinterpreting Jody’s head tilt (and he doesn’t think he is) he needs to do it ‘right now, young man.’

“Benny’s making eggs for breakfast,” she adds, satisfied that Dean has heard her message loud and clear.

oranges8hands asked:

I have just spent the last ten minutes trying to sort all the demons into Houses I hope you're happy. *sticks out tongue*


you should definitely let me know what you’ve come up with, because Hogwarts headcanons are the best