I’ll probably delete this in about ten minutes but I just need to vent really.
Speaking of my last post, being stressed & depressed, today was a rough day. Had to wake from a deep sleep (& hopefully it wasn’t also a wet rockstar dream) after only about 4 hours to go retake, again, a math high school proficiency exam. I want to cry, and I’ll tell you why.
I just took it about a month ago. The passing grade was 242. Guess what I got? 241.
If I don’t pass this test, I can’t graduate. I can’t even get a GED. Math is my worst subject. I hate it. If it was a person, I think I along with half of humanity would be hunting it down to kill it. It causes me immense stress. I believe I must have some kind of dyslexia, or at least a blockage, against the subject, because I don’t understand it. I can’t remember a problem I did with a tutor right after I just did it. I just don’t get it.
If I don’t get this diploma, my dream goes out the window. What I’m pretty sure I want to do is work in marketing at the Hard Rock Hotel. You have to go to concerts. You have to take photographs. You have to be in the know. You have to know Photoshop. You have to believe in what you’re marketing, & rock & roll is my life.
What else is bothering me is a family problem that has been present in my life for years, since I was a little girl, with my dad. He is the main reason I have AvPD, am very fragile & intensely sensitive & timid. He is absolutely awful, has scarred me mentally for life. But you know what they say; “Domestic abuse is the hardest to leave.” And it is.
Just thought I’d kind of vent this out. I only have my mom to talk to, and usually she doesn’t want to hear about it because she doesn’t like recapping everything he’s done. For obvious reasons. I understand, but it also renders me alone, somewhat.