She stands in front of her computers as she hears him come down the stairs. He calls her name but she doesn’t turn around. She does not need this right now. Not after what just happened with Ray.
‘I need to talk to you.’
This does make her turn around. She’s surprised how
angry at him she is. She had been hoping for indifference, but she should have
known better. Nothing could ever be indifferent about him.
‘Oh, really? I thought the last couple weeks made it
quite clear that you didn’t want to talk!’
He was leaning backwards on the metal table they use
in emergencies. The table she had been lying on before they took her to the
hospital. The table on which she almost died. His face was wearing a sheepish
expression, but underlying the surface she saw determination. Where did that
‘I’m sorry for the way I acted the past couple of
weeks, but you did turn me down. It wasn’t easy being around you, especially
when you were with… Palmer.’ He
looked down, not able to look her in the eyes. ‘But after what happened…’ He
swallows. ‘After seeing you like that…
I just can’t deny it anymore. You need to know, I-‘
‘Oliver-‘ She steps forward, wanting to reassure him.
‘No, please, don’t come any closer. I need to get this
out, even though I’m probably too late.’ He finally lifts his head, looking her
in the eyes. His eyes are a brilliant blue, willing her to believe him.
‘Felicity, you can’t even begin to realize how it felt to see you like that. I
cannot ever see you like that again,
I would not be able to bear it. Don’t do that to me again. I almost lost you. I
know I’m not supposed to say that, because you’re not mine to lose but I don’t
care. I love you. And you almost died.
Your heart stopped, Felicity. For five whole seconds. I-I can’t lose you too.
You’re all I have left. I…’
His head fell down in defeat and she could see a tear
rolling down is face. That tear was her undoing. But she couldn’t touch him
yet. She could not have her hopes up again to have them destroyed, just because
he liked her now. She wanted him, all of him, but she wanted him forever. Not
just because he was afraid to lose her.
‘Oliver, you can’t make me quit this. The city needs
me and I will always choose to save it, even if it puts me in danger. I will
always do everything to protect you
and Dig and Roy. Laurel too. You cannot ask me to stop doing that. I can’t go
back to being a normal IT-girl. That’s just not who I am anymore…’
He looked up and suddenly he seemed very tired. ‘I
would never dream to stop you from doing all this. I know who you are and what
you want. But I can’t let you help Palmer anymore, or at least not without me.
He can’t protect you, that much is certain.’
She crossed her arms, facing him dead on. ‘Are you
really going to try to tell me what to do? Ray can protect me, not that I need
his protection. What happened was a onetime thing. I made a mistake, and it
won’t happen again-‘
She stopped talking as Oliver’s eyes bulged. ‘A
onetime thing! A mistake, she says!’ Not able to stay away any longer, he
grasped her arms and shook her a little. ‘Felicity, you died! Gone from the
world, gone from me’ His voice broke
on that last word.
‘I survived, didn’t I? Now you know how I feel every
time you do something stupid. And as I was saying, it won’t happen again. Not
because you say so, but because I will be more careful next time. And I won’t
work with Ray again, well, not in Starling City anyway, and again that is not
because you say so because I make my own decisions and I don’t need you to tell
me what to do-‘
‘What do you mean, you won’t work with him anymore?
Where is he?’
‘He’s leaving. Tonight. Back to Ivy Town.’ She tried
to escape his grip, because he was definitely too close right now. Or not close enough… NO! Too close, way
too close! Either way, he wouldn’t let go.
‘He’s leaving? But what about you?’ His voice was
hesitant, unbelieving and even a bit… hopeful?
‘Not really your business, is it? Now let me go.’
‘No. Felicity, everything about you is my business. As
I’ve been trying to tell you.’
‘No! You have no right. You lost that right when you
sided with Merlyn! And just because you finally did the right thing and gave
him to Nyssa doesn’t mean we can go back. You made a decision and so did I. I
chose Ray and he chose me! At the beginning at least. But apparently I have a
thing for men who always choose to do the noble thing. But just because you had
some damn epiphany doesn’t mean you can just scare every man from my life,
Oliver stared at her for a while. His face first
showed confusion and then realization. He had the good sense to look guilty.
Then he released her and walked away, whilst rubbing his hands through his
hair. He turned back to her, looking a bit abashed.
‘He told you?’
‘If you’re referring to the occurrence of you not
leaving my bedside for even once, not eating, not sleeping, just staring at me
the whole time I was sleeping, which now that I think of it, is kind of creepy
and not to mention, very very stupid, then yes. Ray said, his words not mine,
that you ‘growled’ at him every time he came near me. You had no right Oliver,
Ray loves me too. And he was my boyfriend.’ She tried to be angry, but couldn’t
help smiling at him. He smiled back nervously. Of course, then he had to ruin
She rolled her eyes. ‘That was what you took from all
of that? I’m not having this conversation with you, Oliver. Just because Ray
thinks you and I should be together doesn’t mean I do. As I said, you have no
right, and just because you felt bad for me being hurt, doesn’t mean-‘
‘Felt bad?! Felicity, I was devastated! The woman I
‘No, stop saying that. You don’t get to say that. You
don’t get to make me feel bad, when I haven’t done anything wrong. I gave you
enough chances to make the right decision. To, for once, choose me. And that
may be selfish but love is selfish. I wanted you to see me, to listen to me. To just even talk to me!
But you shut me out. You almost died
and even then were not able to see yourself for what you are. You chose the
Arrow instead of Oliver Queen, which is ridiculous because those two are the
same man. You can’t have one or the other, they are the same and I loved you! I
loved you Oliver, and we could have had it all, we both know that. It wouldn’t
have been perfect, we would have fought and you would have been angry at me and
I would have told you to pull your head out of your ass but it would have been
great! But you threw all that away and you don’t get to do this. You don’t-‘
‘You’re right. And I’m sorry. I know that I don’t
deserve you.’ He looked utterly defeated.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you do. I know you did
all that with the best intentions and you wanted to protect Thea. And I love
the reasons why you did it. But you stopped listening to me, you stopped
listening to everybody. You made a choice and stood by it. But you didn’t let
me have a say in it. I don’t doubt that
you loved me. I don’t doubt you love me now, but I don’t think we can go back.’
‘I don’t know what to do to make you believe me that
this time it will be different. But I don’t know how to be Oliver Queen without
you. You bring out that side of me. You’re right that I didn’t listen to you.
But I could only see one way out of all this mess.’ He shook his head and she
could see tears in his eyes.
‘But I have changed. I always thought I could protect
you, I never thought about the fact that I could lose you. It seemed better to
me that you were with Palmer because that meant that you would be safe, even if
it hurt me to see you together. But almost losing you… It changed me. It showed
me life without you and it was terrible. You are the force that drives me to do
better. You are my partner and I really do rely on you and I will regain your
trust. I can wait Felicity, I don’t want anybody else. Just you. And if you
won’t have me, I’ll be glad to just have you around. I would be happy with just
being your friend.’
He smiled sadly, looking entirely awkward with his
hands in his pockets. Felicity, for once, was completely speechless. She could
not believe what he just said to her.
She walked forward until she was right in front of him
and put her hands on his chest. She felt his warmth where she touched him. His
breath stuttered, as if he felt the same sensation. She looked him straight in
the eye and could see his love for her as plain as day. His gaze made her feel
all fuzzy and tingly in the right places. Like they could ever be friends.
‘I don’t want to be just your friend. I want you to
see me as your equal. I want you to listen to me, and argue with me and be the
irritating boyfriend I know you can be.’ She smiled at his surprise and put her
arms around him. He crushed her against his chest with such force her feet came
off the ground.
‘Thank God’ he whispered in her ear. ‘I don’t think I
could have been your friend. That would have been terrible.’
Laughing she pulled back and tried to imprint his
features into her brain. God, he was so beautiful.
‘Careful, Felicity. When you look at me like that, it
makes me want to kiss you.’
‘Well, then’ she said and stepped even closer, ‘Why
He shook his head a little but then moved his head
closer to hers, yet not going all the way. He waited inches from her lips until
she could bear it no longer. They both sighed at the contact of each other’s
lips, instantly relieved from all the tension that had been building up between
them. Finally recognizing that together they would be better, and that they
would face everything that is yet to come. Together.