"…All I could think about was kissing h i m. I wanted to kiss him so badly.”

requested by anonymous


She stands in front of her computers as she hears him come down the stairs. He calls her name but she doesn’t turn around. She does not need this right now. Not after what just happened with Ray.

‘I need to talk to you.’

This does make her turn around. She’s surprised how angry at him she is. She had been hoping for indifference, but she should have known better. Nothing could ever be indifferent about him.

‘Oh, really? I thought the last couple weeks made it quite clear that you didn’t want to talk!’

He was leaning backwards on the metal table they use in emergencies. The table she had been lying on before they took her to the hospital. The table on which she almost died. His face was wearing a sheepish expression, but underlying the surface she saw determination. Where did that come from?

‘I’m sorry for the way I acted the past couple of weeks, but you did turn me down. It wasn’t easy being around you, especially when you were with… Palmer.’ He looked down, not able to look her in the eyes. ‘But after what happened…’ He swallows. ‘After seeing you like that… I just can’t deny it anymore. You need to know, I-‘

‘Oliver-‘ She steps forward, wanting to reassure him.

‘No, please, don’t come any closer. I need to get this out, even though I’m probably too late.’ He finally lifts his head, looking her in the eyes. His eyes are a brilliant blue, willing her to believe him. ‘Felicity, you can’t even begin to realize how it felt to see you like that. I cannot ever see you like that again, I would not be able to bear it. Don’t do that to me again. I almost lost you. I know I’m not supposed to say that, because you’re not mine to lose but I don’t care. I love you. And you almost died. Your heart stopped, Felicity. For five whole seconds. I-I can’t lose you too. You’re all I have left. I…’

His head fell down in defeat and she could see a tear rolling down is face. That tear was her undoing. But she couldn’t touch him yet. She could not have her hopes up again to have them destroyed, just because he liked her now. She wanted him, all of him, but she wanted him forever. Not just because he was afraid to lose her.

‘Oliver, you can’t make me quit this. The city needs me and I will always choose to save it, even if it puts me in danger. I will always do everything to protect you and Dig and Roy. Laurel too. You cannot ask me to stop doing that. I can’t go back to being a normal IT-girl. That’s just not who I am anymore…’

He looked up and suddenly he seemed very tired. ‘I would never dream to stop you from doing all this. I know who you are and what you want. But I can’t let you help Palmer anymore, or at least not without me. He can’t protect you, that much is certain.’

She crossed her arms, facing him dead on. ‘Are you really going to try to tell me what to do? Ray can protect me, not that I need his protection. What happened was a onetime thing. I made a mistake, and it won’t happen again-‘

She stopped talking as Oliver’s eyes bulged. ‘A onetime thing! A mistake, she says!’ Not able to stay away any longer, he grasped her arms and shook her a little. ‘Felicity, you died! Gone from the world, gone from me’ His voice broke on that last word.

‘I survived, didn’t I? Now you know how I feel every time you do something stupid. And as I was saying, it won’t happen again. Not because you say so, but because I will be more careful next time. And I won’t work with Ray again, well, not in Starling City anyway, and again that is not because you say so because I make my own decisions and I don’t need you to tell me what to do-‘

‘What do you mean, you won’t work with him anymore? Where is he?’

‘He’s leaving. Tonight. Back to Ivy Town.’ She tried to escape his grip, because he was definitely too close right now. Or not close enough… NO! Too close, way too close! Either way, he wouldn’t let go.

‘He’s leaving? But what about you?’ His voice was hesitant, unbelieving and even a bit… hopeful?

‘Not really your business, is it? Now let me go.’

‘No. Felicity, everything about you is my business. As I’ve been trying to tell you.’

‘No! You have no right. You lost that right when you sided with Merlyn! And just because you finally did the right thing and gave him to Nyssa doesn’t mean we can go back. You made a decision and so did I. I chose Ray and he chose me! At the beginning at least. But apparently I have a thing for men who always choose to do the noble thing. But just because you had some damn epiphany doesn’t mean you can just scare every man from my life, Oliver! NOW.LET.ME.GO.’

Oliver stared at her for a while. His face first showed confusion and then realization. He had the good sense to look guilty. Then he released her and walked away, whilst rubbing his hands through his hair. He turned back to her, looking a bit abashed.

‘He told you?’

‘If you’re referring to the occurrence of you not leaving my bedside for even once, not eating, not sleeping, just staring at me the whole time I was sleeping, which now that I think of it, is kind of creepy and not to mention, very very stupid, then yes. Ray said, his words not mine, that you ‘growled’ at him every time he came near me. You had no right Oliver, Ray loves me too. And he was my boyfriend.’ She tried to be angry, but couldn’t help smiling at him. He smiled back nervously. Of course, then he had to ruin the moment

Was your boyfriend?’

She rolled her eyes. ‘That was what you took from all of that? I’m not having this conversation with you, Oliver. Just because Ray thinks you and I should be together doesn’t mean I do. As I said, you have no right, and just because you felt bad for me being hurt, doesn’t mean-‘

‘Felt bad?! Felicity, I was devastated! The woman I love-‘

‘No, stop saying that. You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to make me feel bad, when I haven’t done anything wrong. I gave you enough chances to make the right decision. To, for once, choose me. And that may be selfish but love is selfish. I wanted you to see me, to listen to me. To just even talk to me! But you shut me out. You almost died and even then were not able to see yourself for what you are. You chose the Arrow instead of Oliver Queen, which is ridiculous because those two are the same man. You can’t have one or the other, they are the same and I loved you! I loved you Oliver, and we could have had it all, we both know that. It wouldn’t have been perfect, we would have fought and you would have been angry at me and I would have told you to pull your head out of your ass but it would have been great! But you threw all that away and you don’t get to do this. You don’t-‘

‘You’re right. And I’m sorry. I know that I don’t deserve you.’ He looked utterly defeated.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you do. I know you did all that with the best intentions and you wanted to protect Thea. And I love the reasons why you did it. But you stopped listening to me, you stopped listening to everybody. You made a choice and stood by it. But you didn’t let me have a say in it.  I don’t doubt that you loved me. I don’t doubt you love me now, but I don’t think we can go back.’

‘I don’t know what to do to make you believe me that this time it will be different. But I don’t know how to be Oliver Queen without you. You bring out that side of me. You’re right that I didn’t listen to you. But I could only see one way out of all this mess.’ He shook his head and she could see tears in his eyes.

‘But I have changed. I always thought I could protect you, I never thought about the fact that I could lose you. It seemed better to me that you were with Palmer because that meant that you would be safe, even if it hurt me to see you together. But almost losing you… It changed me. It showed me life without you and it was terrible. You are the force that drives me to do better. You are my partner and I really do rely on you and I will regain your trust. I can wait Felicity, I don’t want anybody else. Just you. And if you won’t have me, I’ll be glad to just have you around. I would be happy with just being your friend.’

He smiled sadly, looking entirely awkward with his hands in his pockets. Felicity, for once, was completely speechless. She could not believe what he just said to her.

She walked forward until she was right in front of him and put her hands on his chest. She felt his warmth where she touched him. His breath stuttered, as if he felt the same sensation. She looked him straight in the eye and could see his love for her as plain as day. His gaze made her feel all fuzzy and tingly in the right places. Like they could ever be friends.

‘I don’t want to be just your friend. I want you to see me as your equal. I want you to listen to me, and argue with me and be the irritating boyfriend I know you can be.’ She smiled at his surprise and put her arms around him. He crushed her against his chest with such force her feet came off the ground.

‘Thank God’ he whispered in her ear. ‘I don’t think I could have been your friend. That would have been terrible.’

Laughing she pulled back and tried to imprint his features into her brain. God, he was so beautiful.

‘Careful, Felicity. When you look at me like that, it makes me want to kiss you.’

‘Well, then’ she said and stepped even closer, ‘Why don’t you?’

He shook his head a little but then moved his head closer to hers, yet not going all the way. He waited inches from her lips until she could bear it no longer. They both sighed at the contact of each other’s lips, instantly relieved from all the tension that had been building up between them. Finally recognizing that together they would be better, and that they would face everything that is yet to come. Together.

Do you ever want to play a game but you’re too tired and know you should go to sleep but you just stay on the computer staring at your character wishing you could play on them finally going to bed after like 2 hours of thinking about playing?

I listened to The Librarian just long enough to get to Dylan’s part and I have the following to say

  1. I didn’t like Cecil’s delivery of the horoscopes???? I just feel like when I saw it he did it way better that’s such a weird complaint I’m sorry.
  2. Steve is excellent, so glad Hal was included and has had such a big role in the show recently.
  3. They added the ‘hard at work’ pun from the Europe tour do you know how happy that makes me (although, like with the horoscopes, I think Dylan did it better in Toronto than in New York)
  4. Wait wait if Carlos is in the desert how does he have a computer and science equipment.
  5. Who’s ready to finally discuss dyslexic Carlos headcanons with me???
  6. wait WAIT what if there was no science equipment and it was all euphemisms
  7. what if Carlos was just straight up jacking off when Cecil called and he had to chill out really quick because their phone call was being broadcast

It simply isn’t an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons.