ok hate is a strong word

it’s time to d-d-d-d-duel! I summon the Gray Ace.

Happy Ace Day! I was recently looking back at my old blog’s posts from like 4-5 years ago before I learned about asexuality. And I found posts of me questioning myself, trying to figure out why I’m not attracted to anyone. I hated when people would ask me if I liked anyone or if I’ve ever dated anyone. I just remember how weird I felt, I didn’t feel like a normal person. So it was incredibly relieving to find out there was a word that described how I felt, and that there were people like me.

I’m a gray asexual, I occasionally am sexually attracted to people, but my feelings aren’t strong enough for me to act on. I have never dated anyone, I don’t know if I will. But that’s ok, it’s just who I am.

I am going to tear my hair out 90% of tumblr’s population cannot tell the difference between leopard spots and cheetah spots even snow leopards are tagged cheetah

have you never sat down and watched wildlife documentaries in lack of better things to do or because you were actually interested what is wrong with you people their names aren’t even similar in English

i’m serious tho chris is a shitty brother and excuses are running super thin at this point. ok, shitty is a strong word, but c’mon, he could definitely improve. every game claire’s been in, writers have her talk about him one way or another like oh my brother he’s great a bonehead but he’s a hero. and he’s only talked about her (correct me if i’m wrong, not including darkside) in two games. srsly wtf.

i may only talk to my brothers twice a year but if i so scraped my knee, they’d be there in a heartbeat for me. but that lil bitch chris can’t even call his sister to tell her he’s going to edonia on a mission. i love you chris but damn you gotta shape up.

anonim sordu:

Why do u hate effy

ok hate is a strong word for a fictional character i guess, but i found her character to romanticize depression and other mental illnesses, and how her toxic relationships with freddy and cook were portrayed as “edgy” and “mysterious” when really they were detrimental to all involved.

she was also manipulative and used both friends and love interests. i know this isn’t entirely her fault, however, due to her mental illness. i would like to clarify, however, that the amount of sex she has doesn’t bother me, but when she’s playing with feelings, that’s pretty shitty. again, not really her fault, though. i know good writing demands flawed characters, but i simply did not like effy.

i just find effy really problematic and unlikable, but i watched generation 2 two years ago so i’m fuzzy on the details. it’s okay to like effy, and i’m sure she has merit as a character, but i personally don’t like her.

look, I know hate is a strong word but I hate you. i mean, I guess that’s what you wanted right? you’ve gotten under my skin, ok? you haven’t won yet but i’m impressed with your effort. you haven’t completely ruined my life, but you have gained what i’ve lost and I just want you to go away and leave me alone before I go insane
—  late night thoughts

anonim sordu:

you're amazing and strong, and you can get through anything

ok friend, i don’t know HOW you somehow just knew that i needed to hear this?? (especially since i’m an overly emotional asshole who hates talking about my own feelings hahaha) but i did do need this, so thank you. <3

and you are, too, i hope you know that. 

i hate when people nitpick the word “homophobia” like “im not SCARED of homosexuality im just against it!!!” (or more commonly “dont support it”) like bitch yes youre scared!! youre scared shitless of what you dont understand. youre scared of the icky gays being treated like equals to the “normal people”.  and i also hate “im not homophobic! im not throwing slurs around! im not attacking gay people! i dont hate gay people! i dont even dislike gay people! i just dislike the IDEA of being gay. i just dont SUPPORT homosexuality. thats not homophobic because im clearly the authority on that and not the LGBTQ people im oppressing (:” like lmao ok!! dance around the word all you want, you think thats gonna stop you from being treated like the bigot you are?? smfh how can you say you dislike something thats such a strong part of my life and then try to say thats not discrimination because apparently you dont dislike me as a person?? but whatever stay “oppressed” with your “censored” “freedom of speech” when people see the bs you spew and then call it like it is. 

sleepyturtlechoir replied to your post“I just realized that because Fantasia doesn’t have any words and is…”

I haven’t watched it in a long time, but Fantasia was one of my fave movies. On occasion I’ve heard people say they absolutely hate it and I’m just ?? ok but why????

how….. how does anyone possibly hate Fantasia??? It’s so amazing and beautiful! There’s literally nothing to hate about it. Oh well, their loss!! I found it on youtube… it’s not great quality, but I’m thinking about watching it right now, even though I’m gonna be home in a few days and we have it on VHS haha 

anonim sordu:

Ok steph listen up. Hate is a very strong word. But you don't have to feel bad if someone doesn't like you. It's like books for example (this is going to be one silly example) some ppl say Harry Potter is better than lord of the rings or the other way around but at the end of the day it isn't that one is better than the other one: it's a matter of taste. Not everyone is going to like you and you aren't going to like everyone, but it isn't your fault or theirs. We are all different

(+) And we all like different stuff. Or there are ppl who are just like dry and they won’t die of excitement each time they see you, but that’s just the way they are and that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. I like you steph and I’m sure af that lots of other ppl like you as well (including George Shelley) so pls cheer up already. Ilyyy

Thank you, I really appreciate that. It’s more than just people not liking me though, it’s the constant feeling like I’m not good enough and feeling like I’m a terrible person that’s not even worth loving, that’s the part that kills me. I know that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay, it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to be upset over people not liking me since a lot of times I don’t even like myself. But that’s just the problem, it’s hard enough to get through the day when you know you rub people the wrong way just by existing, and then when you’re finally away from those people, you still have that voice in your head telling you all the rest of the crappy things you’ve done and telling you that you deserve to feel alone and to feel that nobody loves you. I don’t wanna be like that and for a while I got out of that mindset but recently and for the majority of this year it’s gotten worse again and I almost made a huge huge mistake because of it, and I don’t really know if it’ll ever stop? I don’t know. It’s like one little thing happens, I mess up, or I hurt somebody’s feelings, and it may be a small thing that that person I’m affecting may get over and may not even really be that upset about but in my mind all I can think is that they hate me and want me dead and maybe I deserve it and I wish my mind didn’t take things so extremely but it does and I hate it. I don’t want to be somebody that hates themselves, I’ve always wanted to be somebody that people could look up to and you know it’s funny you mention George because he’s the whole reason I wanted to stop hating myself in the first place cus I look at him as an inspiration, as someone who makes people feel loved and not alone, and I wanted to be that person for somebody cus I’d love to make someone feel good about themselves too but I knew I couldn’t do that if I didn’t love myself first, so he helped me wanna make that change, he helped make me a stronger person. and I wonder like would he like me if he knew the dark side of me? probably not, and that’s another motivator for me to be better not just so other people will like me but so I can like myself. And like I said for a while I was so much better, but then things happened and I’m falling back down again but I don’t wanna stay down. I refuse to stay down. That’s another thing that’s so exhausting about all of this is thankfully I’m resilient and able to bounce back from it, but I feel like it’s a constant battle of telling myself “you deserve better, you can do this” and “you don’t deserve to live, you can’t do anything.” and the smallest, smallest things bring me down and I don’t understand why, I feel like I can’t handle it or like I’m not strong enough. It’s more than just being able to “cheer up already,” you know? It’s not that easy but I’m going to try to. Because as loud as the negativity in my head may be at times, I can still hear that little voice telling me to keep going and keep pushing and I know that’s the real me. Sorry that this response is really long, I know it seems like a lot of stuff just stemming from one teeny tiny thing but I really needed to let all of that out. Thank you again for being so kind to me, ily too ♡

I really really really wish you could understand that you are so strong and so smart and so beautiful. I don’t know how to tell you all these things with the words I know and it hurts to see you so upset and in such pain with hating yourself. I could spend the rest of my life writing you letters and talking and you still couldn’t see you’re stronger than you know. And it makes me so, so, so sad.

barneses sordu:

my head canons about you: you drink a lot of coffee, you read a lot, you're a quiet person???

oh my god i hate coffee ok hate is a strong word, bc i don’t mind iced coffee

i read a lot of gay fanfiction

i’m quiet tho! unless im drunk