ok hate is a strong word

I am going to tear my hair out 90% of tumblr’s population cannot tell the difference between leopard spots and cheetah spots even snow leopards are tagged cheetah

have you never sat down and watched wildlife documentaries in lack of better things to do or because you were actually interested what is wrong with you people their names aren’t even similar in English

匿名 質問:

Why do u hate effy

ok hate is a strong word for a fictional character i guess, but i found her character to romanticize depression and other mental illnesses, and how her toxic relationships with freddy and cook were portrayed as “edgy” and “mysterious” when really they were detrimental to all involved.

she was also manipulative and used both friends and love interests. i know this isn’t entirely her fault, however, due to her mental illness. i would like to clarify, however, that the amount of sex she has doesn’t bother me, but when she’s playing with feelings, that’s pretty shitty. again, not really her fault, though. i know good writing demands flawed characters, but i simply did not like effy.

i just find effy really problematic and unlikable, but i watched generation 2 two years ago so i’m fuzzy on the details. it’s okay to like effy, and i’m sure she has merit as a character, but i personally don’t like her.

匿名 質問:

you're amazing and strong, and you can get through anything

ok friend, i don’t know HOW you somehow just knew that i needed to hear this?? (especially since i’m an overly emotional asshole who hates talking about my own feelings hahaha) but i did do need this, so thank you. <3

and you are, too, i hope you know that. 

I had a conclusion today while me an my boyfriend were talking about his ex…he said something that I was kind of shocked about he said he hated her. Those are some super strong words..hate is a really powerful feeling. But then I realized that sometimes, even though it is bad for the soul, it’s ok. For a long time I was hard on myself for hating people. I thought it was so wrong, but sometimes allowing yourself to hate someone allows you to realize their place in your life.

I hate my ex for what he had done to me, but at this point I’m over the things in the past what he said or did to my place…what I really hate now is the fact that he turned into a person I never thought he would be. When I look at him I see someone who terrorized me and told me I’m not good enough and that Id never find love. But I also see someone who wants to control me only for his interest and when he is done with me he discards me. He comes into my life just to mess with my head but doesn’t or will never care or love like he once did in the past. He could never be the man I need him to be and he would never apologize for the past year and a half.
If you loved someone you would never put them
Through the feeling that you were gone forever just to come back. It’s like mourning a person and getting over them not being in your life just to see them pop back in your life like nothing happened. I hate him for leaving and coming back like he did nothing. I hate him for playing me like a yoyo even though he saw what it was Doing to me And worst of all I hate him for soberly choosing to hurt me over and over again even though he said he never would.

I hate him and Im realizing that that is ok because what he did and who he is, is not ok.

Had my first really uncomfortable interaction with a customer today, I like to think I’ve grown a thicker skin to their insensitive comments, but this? This was different. I don’t feel ok, and I hate that I wasn’t strong enough to defend myself against his words. But hindsight is 20/20.

匿名 質問:

Ok steph listen up. Hate is a very strong word. But you don't have to feel bad if someone doesn't like you. It's like books for example (this is going to be one silly example) some ppl say Harry Potter is better than lord of the rings or the other way around but at the end of the day it isn't that one is better than the other one: it's a matter of taste. Not everyone is going to like you and you aren't going to like everyone, but it isn't your fault or theirs. We are all different

(+) And we all like different stuff. Or there are ppl who are just like dry and they won’t die of excitement each time they see you, but that’s just the way they are and that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. I like you steph and I’m sure af that lots of other ppl like you as well (including George Shelley) so pls cheer up already. Ilyyy

Thank you, I really appreciate that. It’s more than just people not liking me though, it’s the constant feeling like I’m not good enough and feeling like I’m a terrible person that’s not even worth loving, that’s the part that kills me. I know that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay, it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to be upset over people not liking me since a lot of times I don’t even like myself. But that’s just the problem, it’s hard enough to get through the day when you know you rub people the wrong way just by existing, and then when you’re finally away from those people, you still have that voice in your head telling you all the rest of the crappy things you’ve done and telling you that you deserve to feel alone and to feel that nobody loves you. I don’t wanna be like that and for a while I got out of that mindset but recently and for the majority of this year it’s gotten worse again and I almost made a huge huge mistake because of it, and I don’t really know if it’ll ever stop? I don’t know. It’s like one little thing happens, I mess up, or I hurt somebody’s feelings, and it may be a small thing that that person I’m affecting may get over and may not even really be that upset about but in my mind all I can think is that they hate me and want me dead and maybe I deserve it and I wish my mind didn’t take things so extremely but it does and I hate it. I don’t want to be somebody that hates themselves, I’ve always wanted to be somebody that people could look up to and you know it’s funny you mention George because he’s the whole reason I wanted to stop hating myself in the first place cus I look at him as an inspiration, as someone who makes people feel loved and not alone, and I wanted to be that person for somebody cus I’d love to make someone feel good about themselves too but I knew I couldn’t do that if I didn’t love myself first, so he helped me wanna make that change, he helped make me a stronger person. and I wonder like would he like me if he knew the dark side of me? probably not, and that’s another motivator for me to be better not just so other people will like me but so I can like myself. And like I said for a while I was so much better, but then things happened and I’m falling back down again but I don’t wanna stay down. I refuse to stay down. That’s another thing that’s so exhausting about all of this is thankfully I’m resilient and able to bounce back from it, but I feel like it’s a constant battle of telling myself “you deserve better, you can do this” and “you don’t deserve to live, you can’t do anything.” and the smallest, smallest things bring me down and I don’t understand why, I feel like I can’t handle it or like I’m not strong enough. It’s more than just being able to “cheer up already,” you know? It’s not that easy but I’m going to try to. Because as loud as the negativity in my head may be at times, I can still hear that little voice telling me to keep going and keep pushing and I know that’s the real me. Sorry that this response is really long, I know it seems like a lot of stuff just stemming from one teeny tiny thing but I really needed to let all of that out. Thank you again for being so kind to me, ily too ♡

I really really really wish you could understand that you are so strong and so smart and so beautiful. I don’t know how to tell you all these things with the words I know and it hurts to see you so upset and in such pain with hating yourself. I could spend the rest of my life writing you letters and talking and you still couldn’t see you’re stronger than you know. And it makes me so, so, so sad.