I dont want to have strong feelings about anything anymore. I want to stop using words, modifiers like very, extremely, absolutely, etc. I want to stop using strong words like hate, love, terrible, awful, terrified, horrified, amazing, awesome, fantastic. I want to speak more softly.
Cool. Ok. Sure. Yes. No.
I dont want to need anymore or to be attached anymore. I dont want to think anymore. I want to do whatever i want without planning it out. I dont care about peoples feelings anymore. They’ll be fine, just like i am. But i have to act like i care, to get what i need from them, whether its emotional support or favors or whatever.
People are boring and predictable and can be manipulated easily. It is like a game, it is fun to figure out how their brains work and see what i can do with them.
Some people are more interesting. Those are the people i like. I dont understand how their minds work and i want to. But i dont want to. I dont want them to be predictable like everyone else.
Cameron is my favorite person. I want to know him better. But i dont know if anyone will ever know cameron. I get frustrated by that sometimes, but yesterday i realized that im closer to cameron than i ever could have hoped to be.
I think cameron is like me. Maybe i do know him.