So I have this question for everyone.
Why do you believe?
Be it Baptist, Catholic, Scientology, Judaism, Hinduism, Mormonism, or any of the others. What is it about this religion that makes your faith so strong?
Personally, I am an Atheist. No, it is not because I identify as Pansexual. Nor is it because I have two mothers. It is because of this:
I was raised in the church. I was raised Baptist and went to Catholic churches a few times as well, but I was never baptized. Up until a few years ago, I never really had the chance to show my beliefs nor to be myself. I had to hide my sexuality and my religious beliefs (or lack thereof) for 18 years.
I can remember finding one of my mother’s porn tapes when I was 13. It was one of those VHS tapes with the label on the side. The label said x-Files but there was scratching in front of the ‘x’. Turns out, it was Sex-Files, but I didn’t know that until after I popped it in the VHS player. The tape was paused in the middle of a sex scene so I didn’t really have the chance to get away from it. It was a girl-on-girl scene. I found myself surprisingly not disgusted by it though, even long after I had turned off the video.
Now, when I was younger, around 5 or 6, I would kiss this girl down the road. We would hang out all the time and the whole time we would be ‘making out’. It felt normal and didn’t feel ‘disgusting’ to me at all. It never really mattered to me though. This went on for about a year until I moved. We stayed friends though.
Starting school, from when I can remember until about my junior year, kids picked on me and treated me like trash, even throwing trash at me and telling me I was no better than a trash can. They did this because I had two mothers. It finally stopped after 11 years, but it kept me from being who I am as well.
Then, about 2 years ago, I moved out of my grandparents’ house and moved away for college. Keep in mind, I am a very romantic and loving. I had a few boyfriends during high school and never did anything with other girls other than a few ‘dare’ kisses with my close friend. Starting college, I met this guy and started dating him, still dating him even. This kept me from admitting who I was even to myself just like my grandparents did. It was nothing he did, I just felt locked up again, but it was me locking myself up this time. What if everyone thought like my grandparents? What if they all hated me for being who and what I am?
Then I met a few people. One of these people, we will call her F, started dating my boyfriend’s cousin so I got to know her and we would talk all the time. One day, F told me she was Pansexual. I had never heard this term before, always thought of myself as Bisexual. Then she explained the difference to me. That there was no gender, only personality. This made me start to think about everything.
One of the other people, let’s call her A, was lesbian. I didn’t know this. We became good friends and started talking about LGBTQ things one day. I mentioned that I support the LGBTQ community very strongly and that I have two mothers and she told me she was glad because she was lesbian herself.
So I met this other friend, let’s call him D. He quickly became a very close friend and I found myself starting to care for him a lot. Turns out, he was born a she. He told me his story and I found myself not weirded out or anything, but interested in him even more than before. And not in a platonic way either. I talked to A about all of this and thought about it all for a while. IT all came down to the fact that I was starting to have feelings for someone and their gender didn’t matter. It made me start to think back all those years ago with that girl that lived down the street. I can remember not thinking about her as a her. I can remember thinking about her as a person that I enjoyed kissing.
This situation with D just confirmed what I had been thinking all along and F had given me the name for it.
Telling my grandparents was really hard and it took me two years to do it. They think I’m just ‘going through a stage’. That I’m just lying or something. Telling them my religion was harder. Now they think I am burning for eternity because of my beliefs and because of my sexual orientation. But they still love me. They let me live with them and they treat me like nothing has changed.
Their reasons are all because of what their God says in his Bible. No matter what I say, if it disagrees with their God’s Word then I am wrong.
My white cousin is in love with a black girl. They think he is going to hell for caring about her and wanting a relationship with her.
Transsexual and transgender people are wrong too, just like the LGBTQ people. They are all going to burn in hell because of who they are and what they are.
My point is, this is what religion does. It judges and it hurts. It kills. Maybe not the religion itself, the people who believe in it. Because of the religion, these people mentally and physically maim and murder innocent people just because they were born into the wrong body, because they love the wrong person, because they are themselves.
So, I am curious. Why do you believe in your religion?