B-but… HOW?! >.< I really don’t know waaaahhh Q.Q

First of all, thanks for your encouragement words I really feel like I need it *-* <3 Q.Q Because I really don’t know what to do >.< There are too many questions on my head, I’m sure if I made a list it would hurt your head but in short I guess I can say these *most important ones for me*

-Should I rp an original caharacter or official character? *I have original characters so trying one could be cool but also I don’t have much self-esteem Q.Q But official character also would be cool Q.Q*

-Which fandom?! Q.Q *this may be the most important one* I really have NO idea about this. I love lots of anime/manga shows, so I really can’t decide Q.Q 

-Also I’ve been rping for about 4 years, but none of them were English -so… I’m not really sure if I can handle English ones. But this one isn’t too much issue because I also want to rp for improving my own English, still… I guess I’ll have pretty hard time while describing my character. Or while answering RPs… Oh. I’m scared a bit >.<



I started to get interested in RPing on Tumblr, but English isn’t my native language and I’ve never done it on Tumblr before. Today my brother encouraged me about it but I really feel bad when I want to do something but don’t know where to start ._.

I guess I’ll seriously think about that and any ideas would be great for me >.< 

…Well, I wanna talk about a perf love story.

About 8 years ago I had a penpal but due to unknown reasons we couldn’t continue on pen-friendship. Then a few years later while in high school I fell in love with a guy but it was unrequited love. Even though I had 4 crushes in my whole life, that boy was the only one I really loved. I had loved him more than 2-3 years, it was hard for me to forget him.

And tonight that old penpal messaged to me on Facebook and talked about how we couldn’t talk for a long time. When I looked at her profile I learned that she and my ex-(unrequited)love are a couple now for some time. That’s one of the biggest coincidences in my life and even though I don’t love him anymore I still feel like a shit. I really don’t know how they even met, they’re not in the same university. Probably a few common friends? But still, they’re two different pieces in my life and… It hurts, yeah. And I’m pretty sure she knows I loved him for a long time because the boy I loved and his friends already know that I loved him too much. And that guy *also his friends* don’t like keeping those kind of secrets at all~

Also I’m pretty sure that’s why she wanted to talk to me, she wanted to see how it will effect me.

So… I feel like a shit, yeah. And while I’m trying to be nice and talking to her like nothing is important *we’re not talking about her love life of course* I feel like I’ve always had big bad coincidences in my life. And that one was one of the worst ones.

I don’t know what to do and I don’t know when I’ll get over on that surprise. But I hope I’ll get better asap.

I changed my theme only a month ago but now I want to change again -but ofc I don’t know which character I should use or how I should do it *even though I don’t have editing/PS skills and they’re already pretty basic* >.<

…It’s still pretty early I guess >.< 

shabbykhano said:

once you get this message you must give five random facts about yourself and then pass it onto your 10 favorite followers. :3

But I’m a bit lazy about passing the posts, since I’m following many blogs and even I don’t know which ones are my favourite >.< Well, at least I’ll try to give random facts:

1. Those days I became a Persona freak because of the P3P & P4 games. Currently I’m playing both of them and for now I love P3P more than P4.

2. I’ll be studying Japanese Language & Literature in the collage starting this year.

3. I’ll be 3 years older than my classmates because I’ve left studying in my old collage last year. This year I had to study English all the to take the collage exam, and I got what I really wanted.

4. Even though I love otome games, I haven’t played many yet -because there are not many English ones that I’m really interested in. But after practising Japanese I’m planing to play more because there are so much I want to play.

5. I want to live alone on my own home in the future -maybe with a dog. Especially marriage thing isn’t my cup of tea at all <.<

I feel like a shit when some popular blog cuts my long embarrassing ask with a clean 3-word blunt answer.

Me: …Hi^^…*blablabla*… *insert some question here* Would you help me? Thanks^^

Popular Blog: Check the FAQ.

I already did it, dammit. I’m usually a shy person *at least to the strangers* and it really takes time for me to ask something. Anyway, Mr./Ms. Popular Blog -I’m sure you’re busy and obviously I’m a bother to you. But if you answered this with a simple ‘Did you check the FAQ?' at least I'd still think you're nice so I'd explain myself clearly. But now I don't want to check the FAQ again at all.  

I really don’t understand, am I asking too much?

…oh well.

I guess there’s a big problem if I get angry with someone only when they’re not with me. And unfortunately, I’m not getting angry because they’re not with me -because of the times when they hurt me. I easily forget those feelings when I talk to them normally, still when they disappear it comes to the surface again and again. But because of the same thing when I talk to them I don’t want to talk about those times. I don’t feel like talking about the problems ever. That makes me feel cornered.