Why I don't have a type.
If you’d asked me last year what type of girl I preferred, I would have answered right away. Or really, any of my friends could have answered for me. It was clear cut. If you want an idea of what my type was, just look up any old photos of me with my ex-girlfriend. That’ll give you a clue.
For the longest time I only really thought of marrying someone of my type. Anything else wasn’t really considered. Part of it can be attributed to feelings of ethnic shame and wanting to “marry up”. Social media was definitely a huge influence. I allowed it to shape my definition of what I considered “beautiful”.
But that’s the cool thing about Jesus. He doesn’t care what the world thinks. He wants us to be countercultural and not fit into the pattern of this world.
So last year and over part of the summer I had a crush on this girl. A huge crush. So huge, nobody actually knows who it is. This was probably the one time I kept my mouth shut on a crush.
Thing was, she wasn’t my type. That immediately set off alarms in my brain. My idea of who I was supposed to be with was being dangerously challenged.
But that was good. I tend to overanalyze everything. With this crush, I started thinking about some alternate future where we ended up together. And for the first time in my life, I started considering the implications of that. What would that mean for me? For the way society viewed me? The reaction of my family?
It definitely helped that I was at LAUP and managed to process part of this with Laura. As I spent time with God, He really spoke into that. What did I hear?
That naturally some of us tend to be attracted to one type of look over another, but that shouldn’t be the basis of who we choose to engage in a relationship with. If I tell myself I’ll only go for redheads or for girls that are shorter than 5’8 or something of the sort, I’m closing myself off in an unhealthy way. I’m looking for a relationship based on physical appearance above anything else. I believe that if you click with someone, you’ll find them beautiful no matter what. I shouldn’t let physical appearance be the first barrier that a girl has to jump over in order for me to consider her beautiful.
Last year, during a LaFe hangout, Julie mentioned how the top thing on anybody’s list should be that they love God above all else. And I think this summer definitely helped me learn that even more. So if somebody were to ask me for my type now, I would say that she would have to love God above all else, even me. A girl who loves God, engages in cross cultural relationships, and has a heart for social justice and evangelism is what I need to see. Because if a girl doesn’t have that heart posture, it doesn’t matter how attractive she is; it just won’t work out. Appearances fade over time, personality lasts forever. If I ever get into another relationship, I want the person at my side to be someone who is just as passionate about the same issues as I am.
So yeah, that’s why I don’t have a type anymore. Because I shouldn’t be seeking someone just for their appearance, but for their passions as well.
Relationships was not one of the focuses of LAUP, but God definitely helped re-shape my way of thinking during LAUP. And that’s just one more thing to be grateful to Him for.