not-simple

What Your Favorite ’80s Band Says About You.

Written by John Peck for McSweeney’s, 2011

Tears For Fears: You have used whiteout on a pair of white loafers.

Art of Noise: You have been paid to be furniture at a party.

Pat Benatar: You have had three or more Superball bruises at one time.

Air Supply: You have punched an arcade game hard enough to injure yourself.

Eddie Money: You have eaten several Shrinky-Dinks on purpose.

Bryan Adams: Your hair smells faintly like barbecue sauce.

Dexy’s Midnight Runners: Your shower smells like Skittles and unfiltered cigarettes.

Dead or Alive: Your pet smells like Goldschlager.

Tangerine Dream: You have a half-full can of Sanka at the back of your cupboard.

Devo: You have dissected a Nintendo game.

Simple Minds: You have tasted a scented pen.

Kajagoogoo: You have used AquaNet in self-defense.

Limahl: You have used Nair in self-defense.

Naked Eyes: You have almost been tricked into eating silly string on a saltine.

Gary Numan: You own more than one pair of sock garters.

Mike and the Mechanics: You have thrown a Rolodex at a raccoon or skunk.

Peter Gabriel: You know what Fimo tastes like.

Roxette: You have injured yourself with a Q-Tip.

Madonna: Your bedroom smells like Midori.

B-52s: Your laundry room smells like Midori.

Richard Marx: You have woken up to a dog licking your hair.

Wham!: You have made nachos while on ecstasy.

The Cure: You have several bracelets or rings you cannot remove.

Berlin: The last book you read used “countenance” as a verb.

This Mortal Coil: You know the act, scene and line that “this mortal coil” comes from.

Billy Idol: You own a piece of clothing that involves both argyle and leather.

Robert Palmer: You have used “argyle” as a verb.

Tommy Tutone: You have attempted to use a Polaroid picture as an ID.

Rick Astley: You have used a hairnet as a handbag.

Bangles: You have chewed gum while delivering a keynote speech or eulogy.

Psychedelic Furs: You have worn sunglasses through an entire tooth cleaning.

The English Beat: You have injured yourself while doing the Electric Slide.

General Public: You have injured yourself while doing the Centipede.

Madness: You have injured several bystanders while doing the Centipede.

Men at Work: You wear shorts with boots at least once a week.

Eurythmics: You have lost a mood ring in a hot tub.

The Smiths: You have read aloud to a hamster, ferret, or turtle.

Joy Division: You have been bitten by a cat while trying to dress it in period costume.

New Order:  You own several fish tanks but no fish.

A Flock of Seagulls: You have destroyed a calculator watch in anger.

Men Without Hats: You have accidentally dropped a pager into a tub of frozen yogurt.

Nena: You have put a cigarette out in a piece of birthday cake.

John Cougar Mellencamp: You have put a cigarette out in an industrial-sized jar of relish.

Loverboy: You have eaten relish as a meal.

Rick Springfield: Your wallet weighs over a pound.

Falco: You have killed a fly with a program from Cats.

Michael Jackson: You have exploded a beanbag chair by landing on it.

Huey Lewis and the News: You are hanging from monkey bars in two or more successive class pictures.

The Police: You have shattered a Rubik’s Cube with a rock.

Sting: You have tried and failed to shatter a Rubik’s Cube with a rock.

Big Country: You have a Highlander poster in a tube in the back of your closet.

Soft Cell: You mouth the words when you watch Highlander.

A-ha: You own a VCR with a copy of Highlander stuck in it.

Survivor: You have cut a Nerf football in half to see what was inside.

INXS: You have knocked someone over with an Aerobie.

Thomas Dolby: You have used a laserdisc as a shaving mirror.

Pet Shop Boys: You have woken up next to an empty bottle of Magic Shell.

Mr. Mister: You have forgotten soup in the freezer and ice cream in the microwave on the same night.

Wang Chung: You have a money clip with an amusement park logo printed on it.

Bauhaus: You know what LARPing is.

OMD: You have gone to a party dressed as a dark elf.

Culture Club: You have woken up under someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Ministry: You have thrown up on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Cocteau Twins: You have spilled Zima on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Toni Basil: You have spilled Zima into a motel heating vent.

The Pointer Sisters: You dot your i’s with hearts.

The Pretenders: You are excellent at dodgeball.

ABC: You were one of the first ten people in history to drop a cell phone in a toilet.

Lionel Richie: You have shaved a word into your hair.

The Cars: You have hit a whiffle ball with a fake lightsaber.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood: You have woken up under your high school gym teacher.

Joan Jett: You have woken up on top of your high school gym teacher.

Simply Red: You have temporarily blinded someone by whipping your hair into them.

Europe: You think Europe is Asia.

Asia: You think Asia is Europe.

REM: You minored in something.

Cyndi Lauper: You have lost several silk scarves to escalators.

Starship: You consistently pay for extra cheese at Subway.

The Fixx: You have sunbathed in a suit.

Phil Collins: You have worn shorts while accepting an award or diploma.

Go-Go’s: Your favorite air freshener is Vanillaroma.

Bananarama: Your favorite air freshener is New Car.

Prince: You have used a hamster ball as a cocktail shaker.

Depeche Mode: You have drawn Tintin or the Little Prince in the margin of a math test.

Erasure: You have been caught kissing a copy of The Little Prince.

Thompson Twins: You have been spanked with a copy of The Little Prince.

Human League: You have been spanked with a VHS copy of The Neverending Story.

The Clash: Your safety word is “Nicaragua.”

Grace Jones: Your safety word is forty-seven syllables long.

Brian Eno: Your safety word is “10011101.”

Duran Duran: Your safety word is “Kim Wilde.”

Kim Wilde: You have forgotten your safety word.

4

theme #001: Nintendo DS by anaarthemes

I’ve seen some Nintendo DS themes floating around and wanted to try my hand at making one! This isn’t a redux edit but I know people look for themes here. If you are interested please like/reblog, it helps a lot

live preview and code can be viewed at astrophyllum
(press the SELECT button for code, wait 5 seconds and click ‘skip ad’)

rules:

  1. keep credit intact (leaving it in the source code is fine).
  2. don’t repost either this theme or links to this theme’s code.
  3. don’t take parts of this theme. If you send me an ask I’d be happy to help you figure out how to do something with your own theme; there’s no need to be sneaky about it
  4. do as much editing of the code as you like!
  5. like/reblog if you use it
  6. if you have a problem please send me an ask!

features:

  • contained posts
  • 6 custom links (X, Y, A, B, start, and select buttons)
  • custom background (full or repeat), 100x100 avatar (square or circle), and side image
  • 5 font options (consolas, ms pgothic, arial, helvetica, verdana)
  • DS with two positions and customizable colors

you can preview the options under the cut!

Keep reading

How The Myth Of Happily Ever After Nearly Ruined My Finances (And Relationship)

“I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.” — Mindy Kaling

Romantic comedies almost ruined my finances and romantic life. Growing up in 90s suburbia, I never doubted my ability to one day “have it all.” My friends and I traveled through our awkward adolescence sustained by steady diet of aspirational movies and books. Authors and screenwriters like Norah Ephron, Sarah Dessen, Nancy Meyers, Jane Austen, and (yikes) even Twilight’s Stephanie Meyer scripted our dreams for our romantic futures. With a mouth full of braces, a face dotted with acne, and unfortunate social skills, I comforted myself with the thought of one day living out my own version of ~happily ever after~ with the perfect guy, the perfect apartment, and the perfect career.

Of course, time passed, my braces came off, and I gradually realized that a boy who is obsessed with the very air you breathe and enjoys watching you sleep is way creepier than it is romantic. I knew that while grand public declarations of love might be charming when sputtered out by a hapless Hugh Grant, I would be mortified if someone tried that out on me in real life. My rom-com aspirations were just another part of my teen years that could simultaneously make me cringe from embarrassment and ache with nostalgia. And yet, the insidious dream of “happily ever after” had become so entrenched in my psyche that I wasn’t even aware of it.

In college, I was mainly focused on having as much fun as possible during those four magical years. I wasn’t looking for a husband. After graduation, I focused on establishing myself in my career path and creating a fulfilling, independent life for myself. I had a long-term boyfriend whom I loved and respected, but we didn’t live together, and I was adamant to my friends that I was not angling for a ring anytime soon.

As I navigated the weird transition from student to young professional, from kid to sort-of-adult, I found myself feeling much like I did when I was a teenager–lonely, confused, and awkward. I was afraid of this new grown-up world and unsure of my place in it. This is when the rom-com daydreams started to resurface. It wasn’t a conscious choice, but I found myself gravitating back toward the old books, movies, and TV shows I used to love as a teenager (enabled by Netflix’s shamelessly nostalgia-based programming).

This time, though, I was the same age as all of the plucky young heroines. I could no longer envision their happy endings as my potential future. Instead, I was upset that my present in no way resembled theirs. My dingy apartment did not have natural light and quirky decor, my coworkers weren’t always on the edge of their seats to hear about my weekend, and my boyfriend wasn’t charmed in spite of himself every time I opened my mouth.

You’re probably thinking, well, duh, life isn’t a movie. I knew that in my head, but I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that my adult life was turning out to be a major disappointment. I began withdrawing from my relationship, acting moody and distant, and growing resentful that my boyfriend couldn’t read my mind or suddenly morph into a fictional romantic hero. I would go out for lavish girl’s brunches on the weekends to complain about my love life like I was a Sex and the City character, even though I really couldn’t afford it on an entry-level salary. I bought cutesy and expensive apartment decorations that made me feel so good in the store, but was too lazy and apathetic to actually hang them up when I got home.

My bank account and love life both fell into disrepair. At this point, I should have realized that my growing misery and dwindling resources were all my own doing. But I didn’t. I am ashamed to admit that upon viewing the wreckage of my personal and financial existence, my immediate gut reaction was that my “third act twist” had to be coming soon. I assumed that this would be the low point of my story, and soon I would turn it all around, meet the man of my dreams, and live happily ever after (and magically enjoy financial freedom, of course).

I didn’t change my behavior, and shockingly enough, I remained unhappy and unfulfilled. At one point, I had all but made up my mind to break up with my boyfriend, convinced that our relationship was really what was dragging me down. That’s when my real-life plot twist happened. We were drinking coffee together in my apartment one morning, talking about nothing in particular. I was in a rare good mood, so the conversation was actually flowing, unlike the sullen silences of the past few months. He said something (I can’t even remember what) that made me smile, and he smiled back. Then he said it: “I like talking to you.”

That’s it. Nothing special or noteworthy. No speech or gesture that would look good on camera. He probably doesn’t even remember saying it. “I like talking to you.” I felt my gut twist as I remembered that I liked talking to him too, and suddenly realized that I had been talking to him less and less. I was so wrapped up in what I thought my life should look like, that I had forgotten to be an active participant in my actual existence. I made a promise to myself that we would keep talking to each other like this, just for fun, for no other reason than we enjoyed each other’s company. I had somehow forgotten the reason I was in a relationship to begin with–I loved this guy. I had gotten lost in my fantasies and neglected my wonderful reality. I would give the relationship the time and attention it deserved.

That was almost two years ago, and now we are getting ready to get married. He doesn’t know it, but that morning marked a turning point in both our relationship, my financial stability and life in general. I made a conscious effort to stop focusing on a nebulous, unattainable “happily ever after” and begin taking tangible steps toward being a better version of myself in the present. I began consciously taking pleasure in the little things. I let go of my resentment that our dates weren’t magical jaunts to weird landmarks, and started enjoying going on a walk with his parents’ dog or talking about our respective career goals over dessert. I avoided going on spending sprees to make myself feel better, gave myself a budget, and invested in the things and experiences that would enhance, not weigh down, my life.

It wasn’t an overnight transformation. I still felt the weight of that early-twenties angst, and continue to feel it sometimes. Now, though, I try not to let it dictate my actions. I still enjoy romantic books and movies, but I don’t view them as blueprints for my ideal existence. Real life has peaks and valleys, and small moments over coffee that don’t translate well on the page or screen. But it is through these little moments and every day little choices that we can build our futures. Life gets so much better when you stop imagining a happy ending and start building a better present.

Julia is a writer and editor living and working in Richmond, Virginia. Follow her on Twitter.