Life always goes on and it feels weird to look back to the start of it all. Where it all began. Arriving to the start of my junior year last September, luggage in hand, and greeted by Kat, one of my best friends, with a hug. It felt more simple back then, but I think that’s what they all say. It probably was just as complicated but nostalgia has a way of giving you a set of rose coloured glasses for free, complete with a sense of loss of what was and will never be again. You still feel happy about it though. Sad…but happy.
It was a rough year for both of us. Family deaths, break ups, the kind of petty drama you thought you left behind in high school but apparently your friends think otherwise, and you’re left standing there and wondering how it got to be this way. Old friends vanish from the picture and new friends introduce themselves with a smile. Many nights were spent sitting on a mattress, talking about nothing but everything at the same time, laptop open playing music softly as we shared verbal and nonverbal communication. Many nights were also spent in our separate rooms, both of us being mutually thankful for the fact that the other needed alone time as well, as we silently poked each other through Facebook into the late hours of the night.
It was a weird year. We were both different back then. We’re different now. It’s not something that I can easily describe but I can feel it. For whatever reason it makes me feel uneasy and heavy. I’m not sure I like the feeling much, but then again, I don’t think I would exchange it for anything else. I told Kat that’s how transition periods are. Awkward and awful, but needed in order to move on whether we like it or not.
This was Kats’ senior year and my junior year. We’re not sure when we’ll be able to see each other again in person. She doesn’t live in New York and her intership placement isn’t exactly close either. Neither of us have a car, or enough money but we’re both wishful. She did a good job at not crying while we said goodbye but I’m worried she might cry once she reads the card I gave her. I don’t know what I would have done without her this year. Out of everyone else in my life, she’s been the one who never walked back out. Despite all the crap she had going on she still made sure I was ok with my crap. She gave me a hug when I needed it, listened to my late night rambling and offered advice when I asked. I owe her…I owe her a lot.
It feels weird to say goodbye and move on. It makes you think of the past and I’ve never been one to dwell on what has already happened. I’m not quite sure how to handle it and I’m not even graduating yet. I’m sort of a sap in that regard. So much has happened here and I’m not what to do with myself yet. But I know I have to keep moving forward. It’s the only way to go. And tomorrow will be another day for us all to do just that.