Ohio Portrait no. 75

If you work with or around psychologists long enough, you’ll be asked to hop into an fMRI. Studies need participants, particularly ones that can show up on time, agree to take out all their piercings, stay awake, and keep their heads absolutely still. 

Running one person through an fMRI costs approximately 10,000 dollars. Even a centimeter of movement can completely ruin the data. The fMRI is a claustrophobic, churning passage like a loud, clicking washing machine. The sounds make many people fall asleep. That ruins the data too. 

I’ve done a few. I’ve filled my facial piercings with plastic and taken my bra off (no metal allowed, including underwires) and lied down to stare up at a computer screen with a keyboard perched on my chest. It’s illegal to give participants any personal medical information, but if you know the psychologists doing the research, you get to keep a picture of your brain. 

One girl in the department went through the fMRI and found that she was missing huge sections of her frontal lobe. Specifically, parts dealing with social interaction. She was 20 years old and externally healthy; she had no idea. 

"Well," one of the researchers whispered, "She was always an odd duck." 

I keep trying to guess kim kardashian’s bra size but I cANT FIGURE IT OUT it’s OS HARD because like it looks different from every angle????? earlier today I saw a pic and was like “def a 34g, maybe a 32h” but I just saw one from the SAME DAY in the SAME OUTFIT and there’s no way she’s more than a 32f????? like, 32g MAXIMUM. what is this madness I just want to be able to do this one thing

Imagine 1: Striking Directly.

Word Count: 770

Warning(s): Negative body image, mild swearing.

Reader/Cas

Request: Can ya write something where the reader is chubby and very insecure about herself and Cas catches her in her room crying one night and talks to her?

You weren’t always this insecure about your weight, but then again, you had never let yourself go like this.

As you looked into the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door you sighed. You were standing in your bra and undies, allowing yourself to fully take in your body. You didn’t have a thigh gap any more- boy that was gone 12 burgers ago. You had a stomach now, something you didn’t have before. Your ass had gotten significantly wider- and your previous C cup breasts were now fitting into a D cup.

You had figured that being a hunter would burn off all the calories of the quick eats that you consumed with the boys, the constant take outs and dine ins had taken a toll on your figure. You were disgusted with yourself. How had you let it get this far?

Tears were beginning to brim in your eyes, smudging your liquid eyeliner as it ran down your cheeks in rivulets of black, staining ink.

The boys weren’t home yet- and for that you were more than thankful to that lazy ass God who was no longer in heaven. They’d sure as hell ask what was wrong with you, Dean would pester you and Sam- he’d give you that damn look. That moose bitch face look when you would lie and say “I’m fine”.

You lifted up your wrist to swipe at your face, wiping the tears away sorrowfully. The mirror became too much for you to look at, you opened the door a bit too roughly, it swung against the ceramic wall and you heard a small crack.

“Fuck” you mutter walking back to the ratty motel bed and pulling on Dean’s over sized button up.

It was only 9.30, you had nowhere to be in the morning, no hunt to consume your time and you were ready for bed.

But as you lay down on the bed, the tears kept flowing. Sobs wracked through you as you lay in a body you were uncomfortable in. Your mind had burnt in the image of a girl you didn’t recognise any more.

And then you hear the flutter of wings, and the emotionless sounding voice of Castiel.

“Y/N”

“Cas, what’re you doing here?”

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you hurt” He takes long, quick strides over to you as he notices the sobs you were emitting.

“Just leave me alone.” You plead.

“I can help you if you require assistance.”

“I don’t, just leave.”

You didn’t hear anything after awhile, you assumed he had left just as you asked, but then you felt the bed dip as he sat on the edge.

“I cannot leave you here by your lonesome when you are crying, you can confide in me”

You shake your head. “You wouldn’t understand, Cas”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re an angel, you freaking perfect. You’re beautiful.”

“I see” He said in his usual monotonous voice. “And you deem yourself to not be beautiful”

“Well yeah.”

You sit up in your bed, cross legged, so you can face him.

“Why do you think that?”

“Cas, I’ve gained so much weight this past year, I could fit into a size two! My ass, my stomach, and my thighs… my breasts- they’re all fat. No one is going to love someone like that. I’m fat and ugly.”

“You’re not fat and you’re not ugly”

“Yes I am” I grumbled.

“I think that you’re mesmerizing, especially to look at.”

You shook your head in disagreement.

“I have been around for millennia’s. I know beauty as it strikes me directly.”

You smiled softly at him and looked into his eyes.

“Do you really think I’m beautiful?”

“Yes.”

He reached a hand out to brush away your tears with the pad of his thumb.

“You may not like your thighs or stomach but I do… Every part of you is beautiful. And as for no one loving you because you’re ‘fat’” he used air quote when he said the word “fat”. “Well you don’t need to worry about that.”

You looked at him strangely, my head tilting to the side.

“What do you mean?”  

“It seems that I have those feelings toward you.”

“What feelings?” You ask confusedly, tilting your head to the side.

“I believe humans describe it as love.”

“You love me…” you whisper as you bite your lip. “Why, how could you possibly love me?”

“You have a unique soul.”

He didn’t something you were not expecting.

His hand drifted to your cheek, staring into your eyes.

“I believe humans kiss when they have these feelings.”

You grinned at him, leaning forward. You pressed your lips to his, and for a few moments you didn’t feel fat… or ugly. You felt needed… wanted even.

“I know you think your fat” he said, moving his lips from mine. “But I’m going to convince you otherwise. I like the way you are, don’t ever change it. You’re beautiful. I will convince you of that, even if it takes forever. We have forever after all.” 

notdamagedgoods said:

send me a ✿ and i’ll generate a number. 
Number; 18

           Sheets cling with a cold touch to bared skin scarcely covered in partial
           places where hiphuggers and a bra would allow it ; and the person
           next to her had shared the same attire. A barely audible groan slips from
           lips as an overturn of her body from back to front is made, legs nudging
           the girl beside her. Little care given if she were to wake her, the clock
           which cocoa irises had fallen upon had allowed her the knowledge
           that it had hit 11:00 ; a time for them to be awaking themselves.

                                         “If I have to get up, you do, too.”

               A shift which has sheets crinkling allows her to sit astride the
               others waist, gaze groggy from the moments prior of waking
               up ; though, she is never too tired to be able to trace a line of
               kisses from the girls jaw to the dip of her stomach, and there
               does a tender kiss linger followed by incessant other kisses
               which were showered upon Isla with ease.

                                “You get somethingif you wake up, s’not like
                                  I’m leaving you empty handed, of course.”

image

                        Fingers trail upwards upon Isla’s bared flesh as a kiss meets
                        her jawline and the Argent giggle is released from flushed
                        lips.

At my school we got a letter sent home saying that ‘we shouldn’t wear colourful bras to school because it distracts male teachers’ (i go to an all girls school)
WHY ARE MIDDLE AGED MEN DISTRACTED BY TEENAGED GIRLS CHEST AREA?
IF I WANTED TO WEAR A COLOURFUL BRA I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO AND MAYBE THE SCHOOL SHOULDN’T HIRE PERVERTS AS TEACHERS.

Today’s trials consist of the fact that I have very frizzy curly hair and I hate getting dressed. I would rather be in gym shorts and a tee shirt but with my husband leaving so much lately I want to be sexy. I want to draw attention to myself but effortlessly. Also with Destiny coming out (which is a video game) I have to find a way to get his attention by the end of the night. My husband is attracted to me, I have no doubt in that. But am I attracted to me? I know that sounds so weird like I would never get off to myself but I want to look in the mirror and say “ooo hottie”. Since I don’t wear make up and my husbands prefers me not too I have to go a little further. I am going to break out my new underwear and very sexy all black lace bra, I will wear a loose v neck that shows the top of my bra, if I allow it too. Because like every other girl I have my insecurities and I can’t change that I am as casual as it gets but I can get dolled up very effortlessly. I have always said I am effortlessly cute. It’s a girl thing.

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