nirlajja

Good

I hide myself in bad decisions

Then show myself in bits and pieces

in the empty spaces between the words

that escape from my head and pen.

When I can’t bear to live inside my head

any longer, I escape through other channels.

When a burning light isn’t enough to cloud

the fog of heavy thoughts that fill the space

between my eyes, I escape through someone

else’s skin. When the need for sleep is betrayed

by the various plagues set on by nightly terrors,

I look for distraction by someone else’s moans,

hoping to drown out patience’s clanging cries.

When being myself becomes too heavy,

I lose my sights in another’s hungry eyes.

When hurting myself is no longer an option,

When emotion and intimacy can’t be mustered,

I pray for patience by finding another meaningless

connection.

When love grows to be too much, I do my best 

to lose myself in someone else’s temporary lust.

Resolve

I am the empress of this castle
built on pillars made of salt 
That have gathered from the lashes wet by misty eyes
That once burned such a flame, 
fueled by desires and buried by the shame. 
Who was I when crowned, this girl at 17.
Then I burned with the yearning for love between the lines.
Now I ache for the exhale forever held
By desperate lips, chapped from no release

by nirlajja.tumblr.com

When Heavy is the Cost

Late at night, thoughts become unbearably light

their substances dissolve into wisps of whispering words 

that become the essence of divine being.

I become words.

I am things.

I am painted heavy with nostalgia, the aching desire

for the beauty who’s idea is platonic and truth, derridaean.

Through the smoke and instability of touch, not language:

Signs become signified

Signifiers become lies

And everything is simulated and shifted, when copies and copiers

blur the line between real and rage, drinking, driving, love and the fake.

And everything transcendental ceases to exist

anywhere else but in the blackened brown of my two eyes,

And I curse myself for tying the marriage knot over Pandora

Just

because

can’t

sleep.

youtube

Now just plug in Procrasturbation and you got one hell of an awesome rave. lmfao