greatest fears about weight loss
so when i first started i decided i wanted to do it the unhealthy way - meaning starving myself all day, exercising like mad, and i was a bit scared cos someone told me about how your brain could shrink from lack of food so i decided not to.
right now it’s kind of just exercise about 3 x 20 min every week (i know it’s kind of little) and trying not too each too much junk, keeping my diet clean and all. all of this i have to do with careful discretion from my parents’ discerning eyes because they seem to think that i’m ano which is really annoying
so e.g. recalling a scene a few days ago at dinner: i took less rice than i usually do cos my *time of the month* had struck and one of my symtoms is loss of appetite and my mother just walks over and asks me, “why are you eating so little? are you on a diet?? are you trying to lose weight?????”
i don’t know but it’s just annoys me so much aijdkfja;ds wth i seriously feel like kicking thousand-dollar vases every time i recount this ok
so 2nd fear: that my parents would find out cos they’d just nag my ears off
3rd fear: that i would give up halfway and undo all the progress i’ve made ;__; from past experiences i figured out that i’m very prone to doing that … and thus explains the wild fluctuations in my weight
4th fear: that people would judge me. this is a real problem ok in the world we live in today it is hard not to get judged. even i am constantly judging others - not purposefully. i guess it’s just part of human nature, along with the rest of sin.
i’m scared that people will laugh at me when i exercise - this has really been a major deterrent for me! i used to swim but now i don’t ever because i’m afraid people would laugh at me in a swimsuit. earlier this year i decided to run on alternate days but i’m too afraid that my neighbours would think that i run really slowly and laugh at how unfit i am. then i decided to try the elliptical in the gym below my apartment … but every time there’s someone in there i just am too afraid to exercise.
so yes, this fear is real and perennial.
and i guess that’s it.