January 27, 2014 it was a usual Monday for me. That morning mom and I made plans to take Daenerys to their house until the afternoon. I was suppose to pick Daenerys around 5pm but my body couldn’t get up so I asked Jane (the babysitter) to pick Daenerys instead in my mom’s house. Little did I know that it was mom’s last day here on earth.
Tuesday, January 28,2014- I left work at 5:30 in the morning and to my surprise I got almost 30++ texts and 20++ missed calls from my cousin and aunt. I knew something was up and my hands were shaking as I browsed their messages. Their texts progressed from “Where are you? We took your mom to the E.R ” to ” Your mom passed away.” . After I read their messages, that’s when my world finally stopped. I didn’t even realized how I got to the hospital in 5 minutes.
I was hoping to see mom inside the emergency room but alas, I was routed to the morgue. That was the time my tears started to fall and cried even harder to see her lifeless. I never knew that last week which was Wednesday was the last day we had quality time together and probably the last day I would see her beautiful smiling face. I even brought her breakfasts that time and had a couple of talks and now she’s literally gone.
And until now, my heart still breaks and long for you mom. Sure we had bad times together but damn, I miss you every single day since you left us. I know this time will come but I never realized that it’s too soon. I want to spend more time with you but I can’t do that anymore. I even have plans to take you, Yanyan, Daenerys and Nanay out for a lunch but it’s too late. Everytime I’m outside and go to the places we’ve been to, I still search for your face that maybe I can see you there waiting for us. Just maybe. It really hurts mommy. I wish you could take all my pain away and wake me up to tell me everything right now is just a bad dream. Sure people might think I’m starting to recover since I cry less and less in public but I truth is, I’m just too tired to show off people how I really feel. Seems like you took a huge part of my heart with you. But in the end at least you’re not in pain anymore mommy and that is what’s more important. Deep inside I hate to see you go through your treatments and sufferings and I wish I am super rich so that I’ll be the one to pay for your transplant and maintenance medicines and we’ll go back to our normal lives.
Back in 2011, I asked God why out of all the young girls out there, you picked me to be a mother at an early age ( I was 20 that time and gave birth at 21 in 2012. ) Now I finally know your answer. It is true that you never question God’s timing. You gave me Daenerys so that we won’t be too sad when the time comes that you’ll be taking mom with you. And throughout this pregnancy and motherhood, you made me appreciate Mommy Nanette even more like what she went through when I was still a baby- all the sacrifices and everything. Thank you God for letting this happen to me.
Like what I have said on my previous instagram post, I wish I could by a time machine and repeat all our happy memories. Maybe I’ll just dream of you tonight and the following nights. I love you so much Mommy Nanette and till we meet again.