Name: Dromaeosaurus

Series: 3-D Dinosaur Adventure

First Appearance: 3-D Dinosaur Adventure

Real World Inspiration: Dromaeosaurus

So you’re playing 3-D Dinosaur Adventure, like any dino-loving kid born in the late 80s or early 90s, and you decide to play Save the Dinosaurs. You make your way through a maze ripped straight out of an old Wolfenstein game, blast improbably large bugs (side note, how can a flea the size of a golden retriever possibly fill the same ecological niche as its normal sized counterpart?), and rescue an oddly flat cutout of dinosaur given the title of the game. You go back in for the next one, but suddenly when you turn the wrong way…

Raaaaaawr! I’m Dromaeosaurus, a cousin of Velociraptor and just as mean! Next time you’d better watch where you go or I might just eat you! Ruuuuuuuurrr!!”

Holy coprolites! Where in the name of Raptor Jesus did that come from? A few things in this game scared me as a kid, and this is definitely one of them (the other is the 3-D dinosaur that runs right at the camera. What can I say, I was like 4 and I thought it was going to come out of the screen and eat me). But how nice of Dromaeosaurus to explain what it is and its classification before threatening to eat you.

In terms of accuracy, this Dromaeosauus has two major issues. First, no feathers, but given how old this game is, that’s to be expected. Second, no survival instinct. You’re going around saving dinosaurs from a meteor that will somehow kill the dinosaurs from all three periods (wibbly wobbly timey wimey?) and this asshole decides he’d rather stop you. Like Dromaeosaurus isn’t even on your list to save. What did this guy do to deserve being left behind? (another side note, good lord is Left Behind a bad movie. If you want a preachy Christian movie starring a contractually obligated Nicolas Cage and Lucas from One Tree Hill that shamelessly rips off the end of Con Air, check it out) I really want to know the Dromaeosaurus’s backstory. And for that matter, who is telling me to save the dinosaurs and gave me the technology to do so? This is well before Nigel Marven tried it, so I really want to know.

All in all, Dromaeosaurus is a neat little obstacle in an otherwise easy game for kids, and in my opinion his terrifying nature is part of the charm. I feel like everyone who played this game has a memory of being scared by him. And he’s certainly more interesting than those snakes and monkeys that pointlessly try to stop you in the NES Noah’s Ark game, so there’s that.