mysterysearch

2

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

So, in ironically named Point Pleasant, WV, there was a fucking crazy thing going on with people in the 1960’s where they kept reporting that there was a 7-10 foot tall man with huge wings and red glowing eyes chilling about town, possibly eating dog hearts, possibly like, harassing teens about to have sex with each other. This is the mothman. There were like, hundreds of reports of this weird fucking creature all over the area during 1966-1967, but it immediately stopped after the Silver Bridge collapsed and 46 people died. So now, people think the mothman shows up to warn us or possibly bring about disasters. Super weird. And check out these pics from like, 2003. Whoa, right? IS HE REAL? FUCK OFF AND FIND SEE SOMEWHERE.

youtube

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

I’ve bitched about this before kiddies, but since today’s mystery search is a special spooky zone edition, I’ve decided to invite you all to join me in getting to the bottom of a mystery that has plagued me personally for the last 18 years of my life.

Do you hear that weird squeaky-ass sound that he makes when he opens the bottom of that can? Is it the can? Is it the man? CAN OR MAN. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. THERE MAN ONLY BE ONE. CAN OR MAN OR CAN OR MAN OR CAN OR MAN OR CAN OR MAN OR CAN OR MAN?

If someone can literally find me a real answer to this, I LICK THEM AND TOUCH THEM AND KISS THEM AND LOVE THEM. And chill out with them and wonder if aliens are real with them and talk about skateboarding with them but never skateboard with them and eat okay mexican food with them and sit near them.

2

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

Here’s a silly, but like, weirdly convincing thing. So in 1830’s London, this weird character known locally as Spring-Heeled Jack began to reported as a weird looking guy who sort of flew around the town at night by leaping from place to place. So, yeah. WEIRD.

A year later, a woman named Jane Alsop reported that a policemen knocked at her door, asking for a lantern, because they were arresting Jack outside, only it wasn’t a cop, it was Jack himself, and he tried to grab her, but she ran away, and before anyone could respond to her cries for help, he like, leapt away. SHE described him as “wearing a kind of helmet, and a tight-fitting white costume like an oilskin. His face was hideous, his eyes were like balls of fire. His hands had great claws, and he vomited blue and white flames.” VOMITED BLUE AND WHITE FLAMES.

And you know what the capper is? This like, exactly what people were reporting all over the place. An 18 year-old woman named Lucy Scales was attacked by a man who leapt out at her and permanently blinded her with blue fire from his mouth.

People shot at him, and struck him, but he always just laughed and hopped away. These reports continued for 66 years, until 1904, when they abruptly stopped. SO WHAT THE FUCK? WHO WAS THIS JUMPING WEIRDO. CLICK TO DIE. CLICK TO LIVE. CLICK TO WIN. CLICK.

youtube

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES

Okay, so okay. Some real Cloverfield shit, bros. When we were balls deep in The Cold War, we never knew where the threat was going to come from, so we put microphones everywhere, just in case some communists were sneaking up on us, even like underwater. So these useless underwater microphones didn’t do much, but in 1997, they DID pick up this sound, which people who are responsible for naming these types of things have dubbed, The Bloop. It was loud as shit, as in, it was audible for 5,000 miles in each direction, and crazier than that, analysts have determined that it’s probably an organic sound, and not only that, but that the creature who made it would have to be even larger than a blue whale, and hiding somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE BLOOP DOT TUMBLR DOT COM


MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

In the 1950’s, an archeologist named James Mellaart was on a train in Turkey, sitting across from a girl he had never met before, when he notice that she was wearing what looked like a priceless, 4,500 year-old bracelet. He asked her about it, and as it turned out, the girl, who gave her name as Anna Papastrati, was a Greek national who spoke English, whose family were apparently the owners of the spoils of a secret archeological dig at a small Turkish Village called Dorak.

Mellaart spent days verifying and cataloging his findings, and when he left and tried to return to her, he found out no one around was known to have the name Anna Papastrati, and that the address that she gave him corresponded to a place that did not exist. He never saw her again.

He still tried to publish his findings, but he lied about how long ago he had made them because he had only been married four years, and he didn’t want his wife to know he had spent time abroad in a strange woman’s house. This came back to bite him in the ass though, because the Turkish government got pissed at him, and when they found out that Anna was basically a fucking ghost, he was super-discredited.

This was when he conveniently got a letter from Anna, giving him permission to publish, and sort of verifying his story. This however, was probably fake, and an attempt by Mellaart to preserve his reputation.

Anyway, mystery rundown:

What’s the deal with Anna?

Super crazy, right? Some people think that she was a plant on the train by a ring of artifact smugglers, who needed an expert to verify the authenticity of their illegally obtained items before they sold them. Others think he had an affair with her. Others think she just didn’t ever exist.

Did Mellaart make all this shit up?

Again, tough call. Like, it’s all pretty believable stuff he reported on, and he was already pretty respected in his field, so like, why? But there’s all this shadiness around it, and some of the stuff seems a little weird and unlikely, but who knows?

Where the fuck is the treasure?

I have no idea. DO YOU YOU CLICK CLICK WOUND-HAVING BITCH? SOLVE THE MYSTERY. CLICK A CLICKER.

2

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

So these two pilots were flying around Alabama in 1948 when a weird, cigar-shaped craft appeared out of nowhere, and then disappeared. They drew them. So that happened, and if that’s all that happened, this would not be a mystery. This shit happens all the time. But then, one of the passengers on the flight corroborated the story. But even still, not super convincing. But wait, there were witnesses on the ground who saw the exact same UFO in Georgia about a half-hour earlier at Robbins Air Base. Oh yeah, and four days earlier at The Hague in the Netherlands witnesses on the ground saw and drew THE EXACT SAME THING. Crazy shit. FUCKING FIND THOSE ALIENS AND STUFF EM FULL OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE????

3

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

The dream of an eccentric rich mystery-man making a puzzle that only a genius could solve in order to give away his money is a totally real thing, and the Arizona Daily Wildcat is his vessel. Every May 1st since 1981, and some other odd days this weirdo or group of weirdos takes out an ad in the paper that’s the next piece of an incredibly crazy and complex network of clues and references. No one knows who it is that’s doing it, or what exactly is at the end, but references have been made to treasure and a safety deposit box at a bank somewhere in downtown Tuscon. Oh yeah, and the group that makes these ads is very very odd, and calls itself The Orphanage. Oh yeah, and their stated agenda is “to alter reality”. SO WHAT THE FUCK? WANNA SOLVE THAT SHIT? GO AHEAD, MR. SMARTYFUCKCLICKERSON.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

Apparently sometime in 2006 some psychiatrist was talking to a patient about this weird entity that he had been having recurring dreams about. He had essentially the face you see here, she didn’t recognize him from waking life, and he frequently gave her advice on her private life.

Some time later, I guess psychiatrists leave their shit out on the desk when other patients are there sometimes, and a second patient recognized this sketch from a man he had been seeing in his own dreams.

This prompted a study, and over 2,000 accounts of this man, or THIS MAN as he’s now called, have been reported all over the world. There is no distinguishing unifying trait between the various patients that have seen him, and not a single person has recognized him as any living person.

There are various theories as to what he could be, an archetypal human face, the creator of all life, or even a dream surfer with some crazy technology a la Inception, but as of now, they’re all just conjecture and guessing.

There is one other theory, based on the fact that the person who owns the site may or may not be a prominent person in the viral marketing community, but if so, the site has been around for 5 years and does not seem to be an advertisement for anything at all.

So is this a hoax? A paranormal event? A dream surfer? Fuck if I know. That face is creepy as shit. You be the judge.

JUMP IN. HAVE FUN CRYING ABOUT YOUR NIGHTMARES. SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES

We all know who the Men in Black are supposed to be, at least to a degree. For those not in the know, they are a real part of UFO lore and not just from the dope-ass movie. However, there’s always been a bit of like, variation in the story of the weirdly quiet government agents who scarily press you about your alien sighting and make sure you don’t tell anyone about it. The creepiest of these things is the idea is that they’re not human at all, but aliens themselves. This version of the MIB have pale skin and bright red lips, and just seem off in some way. In 1997, William Shearer, a man from Essex, England, saw a UFO, and then was allegedly visited numerous times by groups of these men, who repeatedly asked the same formulaic questions, and refused to show any sort of identification. In the years since, he has also discovered phone taps in his house. Also, Will Smith. WHO ARE THE MEN IN FUCKING BLACK?

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

So there’s some woods below Mt. Fuji called Aokigahara Forest. They’re very nice and cool, except that fucking so many people have gone in there and just fucking killed themselves. Here’s some key facts. In 2002, they pulled 78 CORPSES out of it, and in the next four years, 16 more were reported, not to mention those that weren’t, because get this, the woods are so fucking huge and tough to find your way around in, that there’s no way to know just how many dead people there are out in those woods. But isn’t it 2011, you say? shouldn’t we be able to like, satnav our way around in there? Well, guess what? GPS is all screwy in there, and compasses, too! So next time you’re out in the woods somewhere, consider yourself lucky that you’re not in the ghost-and-body-filled woods that you can’t find your way out of, where you’re surround by creepily worded signs that are trying to convince you that it’s not worth it to kill yourself. Intrigued. Suck it and find out more, clicky-face.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

So according to this man, he stopped on the side of the road in the desert because his dog had to pee, the dog freaked out and ran away, he chased it, and he fell in a rabbit hole and knocked himself out.

He was then picked up by a transdimensional journeyman from an alternate universe and taken to his house and nursed back to health. As they got to talking, the man discovered that in this universe the Beatles never broke up. He listened to some of their newer stuff, and even brought back a cassette, which is available for download on his site. Click through for a longer version of the story and the cassette.

Is this real? Is it nonsense? PEEL SLOWLY AND SEE MOTHERFUCKER.

Watch on sitlook.tumblr.com

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

This is a video which was the trailhead for an alternate reality game called “This Is My Milwaukee”, which began in November of 2008 and ran into 2009, only to peter out into nothing. It was off-putting and quirky, and really did a good job of feeling real and legitimate, and never fully feeling like a game and more like a world to play around in. It was always vague, and we players never knew exactly what to do, but many, myself included, would call it their very favorite alternate reality game.

HERE COMES THE MYSTERY.

No one ever really knew what it was for, or more accurately, why it was made. Synydyne, the content collective responsible, is mysterious in itself, and though various attempts have been made by players to contact them about what happened to the game, none of them have ever been directly responded to. I mean, check them out at www.synydyne.com. The only other thing they’ve got their name on is an unsettling documentary about a small town witch school in rural Illinois.

A popular theory says that maybe they signed an NDA over the project, but simultaneously, contact has never fully been lost with the characters in the game, most notably Lipps Leroux on Facebook. Check her out. I’m her friend on there. Anyway, activity is slowly building, possibly towards nothing, but I’m still finding it difficult ONE, to stop myself from getting excited about it again, and TWO, to shake the feeling that I’m being studied or something.

CHECK IT OUT. LOSE AN AFTERNOON. YOU DON’T DO THAT MUCH IMPORTANT STUFF THAT YOU WOULD MIND MISSING IT FOR THIS. RA RA MYSTERIES.

"This is the memo that links the UFO crashes with the Los Angeles Air Raid of 1942, since it occurred only three days earlier. It alludes to "atomic secrets learned from study of celestial devices" and authorizes "Dr. Bush to proceed with the project without further delay." The reference to "this new wonder" is, to our knowledge, a unique phrase for the time. The writing of Source S-2 shows at the bottom of the page. Authenticity, for a retyped memo like this, is nearly hopeless to prove in court. Format details might be of some help if they are consistent with the style of the time."

-Majestic Documents

TONIGHT’S EDITION OF MYSTERY SEARCH.

After reading an article on AOL about Kennedy possibly asking his staff something about aliens 10 days before his assassination, I quickly found my way to Majestic Documents, a website with 100’s of possibly legitimate documents regarding US interaction with alleged Alien UFO’s. I think this is gonna be mystery week this week.

CHECK YOURSELF OR KILL YOURSELF.

2

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

In 1994, Pink Floyd put out an album called The Division Bell. I did not know that Pink Floyd still made albums, but fuck me.

Anyway, a little after that, on the band’s official Usenet forum, some weirdo calling himself Publius wrote this nugget of weird:

My friends,

You have heard the message Pink Floyd has delivered,
but have you listened?

Perhaps I can be your guide, but I will not solve the enigma for you.

All of you must open your minds and communicate with each other,       
as this is the only way the answers can be revealed.

I may help you, but only if obstacles arise.

Listen.

Read.

Think.

Communicate.

If I don't promise you the answers would you go.


     Publius

So, a few people were tantalized by this, and a few more posts, hinting at puzzles hidden in the album art and songs and videos and wherever else, but for the most part, it was agreed this might be some sort of hoax.

UNTIL, Publius started saying huge things would happen, like the word “Enigma” appearing behind Floyd during a show, and the words “Publius Enigma” in the lighting display during another. 

The posting went on for a while, and barely any progress was made, until apparently, Publius mentioned that someone won the contest. However, the dude who came forward as the winner kept saying things like “The prize was in solving the puzzle.”, and never explaining exactly how he did any of the solving.

So now, it sort of fizzled, and things were a little unsatisfying, so naturally fans wanted some answers. Over the years, they’ve gotten a few, and oddly, the most believable one is that a dude at the record company, Columbia Records, used to work for the CIA or the FBI, and devised the Enigma as some sort of marketing gimmick, without much involvement from the band.

However, even this sounds fishy, and a lot of the people who’ve corroborated this story have been caught in other lies about Publius.

So what? Is there a 17 year old unsolved treasure hunt out there? Is Pink Floyd just fucking with us? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS, YOU CLICKFUCK? WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, CLICKBERT EINSTEIN? CLICK.

youtube

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

Alright, creeps. So what if I told you that from some time in the 1970’s till about 1995, the government spent about 20 million dollars researching military applications for psychic abilities? No, yeah.

I guess the government decided at some point that it was time to figure out some of this weird shit they’ve been hearing about, and so they got together some clairvoyants and out-of-bodiers and telekinetic dudes and super chill aliens jay kay about the aliens, and just like let them get to it and studied them, with an emphasis on remote viewing. 

So after 25 years or so, the number of people in the program dwindled from around 25 to about 3, and in 1995, they decided it wasn’t worth paying for anymore, EVEN THOUGH STATISTICALLY, IT SEEMED LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING LEGIT ABOUT THE IDEA OF PSYCHIC POWERS. Like, some dude was like, okay, so there’s powers, but they’re not dope enough to change the entire Earth with. Whatever.

Interested? YOU BETTER BE, YOU ROBOT. CLICK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR CREEPY ROBOT FINGERS, FUCKTRON.