Life isn’t all sunshine and roses, it’s rain and thorns too but you can’t stop living just because you’re going through a rough patch, instead keep it moving and use the experience to make you stronger…. Oh yeah and take a shot of tequila it’ll help! ūüėŹ‚úĆÔłŹūüėč #MyLifeAdvice

The Four Agreements (by Miguel Ruiz)

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I think the root of all evil is: person A thinks that person B has evil intentions. This changes person A’s behavior toward person B. Then person B acts according to person A’s behavior. This goes back and forth creating a vicious cycle of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

When should you walk away from a relationship?

1. When you don’t trust the other person.
2. You don’t respect the other person.

and…

3. The other person pisses you off so much for no reason at all that it makes your head explode‚ÄĒ-this is a sign you need to go work on yourself‚Ķ by yourself.

anonymous said:

Hello! I came across your blog and I figured maybe you could help me a little, you see, my question is how can you stay calm and mindful during an argument with someone you love(parents for example) I always like to keep the peace but when it doesnt come from two ways its kinda hard to stay relaxed. Maybe you have some tips?

Hey there!  Being calm and mindful isn’t too difficult when conditions are favorable but when things get ugly being mindful is probably one of the hardest things to do. But it all goes back to basics. 

1. Become aware of your breathing‚ÄĒwhen you are angry you will notice that your breaths are shallow. Take a few seconds to take some really deep breaths and release it slowly! Very Slowly. This is going to help you transition from the fight and flight response to rest and digest.¬†

2. Become aware of your body- make a conscious effort to relax very muscle in body. Your facial muscle might be tight, your hands might be clenched….again this is going to help to transition away from that fight and flight response. 

3. Become aware of you voice- are you yelling and screaming? take a moment to lower your voice to a normal volume. You will get your point across much easier when your voice is calm and collected. People tend to mirror each other‚ÄĒso when you are speaking softly they will feel like an idiot for yelling‚Ķso they will get to normal speaking volume as well.¬†

4. Become aware of why the other person is acting the way that they are- really try to listen to what the person is saying and what made them get to the point that they are at. When you take a moment to realize that this person (like you) is a human being trying to avoid suffering, you will have more kindness in your heart and you will be at a better state of mind to diffuse the tension. 

5. Ask yourself- if this something I can fix? If so, fix it. Do your part to make the situation better. If not, explain to the person why this is not something you can change and what you are actually willing to do. 

Remember‚ÄĒcommunication is key to avoiding all arguments in the first place. Always try to communicate your feelings to those you love. They are unfortunately not mind readers.

All these tips seem easy in theory but even remembering these tips are difficult when the emotions are high…so it always better to nip the problem at the bud before it escalates to an argument. 

Hope you find this helpful! <3 

14 Things Learned From A Silent Meditation Retreat

1. There is tremendous clarity to be found in silence. 

2. We talk far more than is necessary. 

3. We become lost and caught up in the sound of our voice and the voices of others.

4. If we practiced more self-awareness we would remain more aware of the true intention behind, and power of our words, which would allow us to speak less, hurt less and give more. 

5. Slowing down is the only way to experience now.

6. Now is a feeling, a sensation, a presence that is tangible if you slow down long enough to feel it.

7. Extending goodwill and loving kindness to all beings is fostered through experiencing your true nature. 

8. To cling to or try to control anything is futile, let go and allow life to unfold natural. 

9. Trust in the universal, natural law; Dharma.

10.¬†To hold on to anger, fear, hurt, resentment, pain or ill will only causes suffering ‚Äď everything arises and everything passes away.

11. To stand with strong determination in a place of Metta (loving kindness for all beings) will not make you a doormat, rather it will provide you with the strength and clarity necessary to take right action. 

12. You are the master of your own mind; give yourself the gift of experiential wisdom. 

13. Every moment is new.

14. This will also change.

Source 

INSECURITIES: Lets get personal

I don’t EVER make such personal posts but I figured why not? What’s the worse that can happen? lol

So, lately I’ve been trying to change my mindset into thinking that every “problem” is a “personal challenge” that I have to overcome or an “opportunity” to improve myself.¬†

What prompted this change? 

Well, one HUGE factor along with several small things but I’m gonna focus on the big problem.

My boyfriend is still good friends with his most recent ex. They text fairly often and she watches his dog at times. This makes me SUPER DUPER uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that my reactions to this relationship has lead to the only thing we ever fight about. Every fight ends with him not willing to change the relationship and me not willing to be ok with it.

To make my boyfriend not seem like this horrible, evil person Ill give you the rest of the story which is, I am still pretty good friends with my most recent ex. My boyfriend is also uncomfortable with this but I am stubborn so I say..”Why should I change my relationship if you’re not changing yours?”

Unfair game. I know.

Obviously, this is not going to go away. I have two options: 

1. Break up with him over this one problem and lose all 10 million great things about him that make him perfect for me. 

2. Deal with it.

After many weeks and months of small breaks and breakups and time apart I finally came to the decision that it would be stupid of me to break up and lose something so wonderful over something so trivial like my own personal insecurities. 

So lets face it. 

Insecurities arise from the mind. The mind creates self destructive thoughts  and scenarios that play over and over in our head until they becomes our reality. We begin to only notice all the negative parts of life and even the positive things get twisted up into negatives. The funny thing is that you have full control of it! All you have to do is nip the thought before it gets out of control or change your frame of mind. CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS! 

So I decided to ¬†make this problem into an “opportunity” to:

become more secure with myself

eliminate negative thoughts about someone who has never done anything wrong to me

practice loving kindness

improve myself for my boyfriend or any future relationship

build myself confidence and self worth

Etc.

…….instead of pouting and getting angry and over analyzing things to the point I drive myself crazy. :)¬†

It’s going well so far. Whenever a bad thought arise I shoot it in the head. I’m sure that after a while this will become second nature. :)¬†

Just wanted to share a personal life challenge to help you guys understand how toxic your thoughts can be if not guarded carefully. Stay positive my friends. Negative thoughts will eat you inside out and ruin your life.

<3 Shobha 

Sharing a smile

There is a janitor¬†at my school who always looks so depressed. One day, after making a tumblr post about smiling, I ran into him on my way to class. We made eye contact and I decided to take my own advice and share a smile with this sad-looking man. He didn’t smile back. Ran into him again a couple of days later. I smiled. He didn’t smile back. A few days later, I was talking on my phone on my way to class and guess who was smiling at me? The¬†janitor. :) This made my whole day! He WAS paying attention to my small¬†gesture¬†of kindness. Now every time he sees me his entire face lights up with a beautiful smile. :)

Always remember to share your free smiles. You never know who needs to see it and you never know what impact your smile might have on a stranger. 

:) 

How to be happier in 2014

Stop comparing yourself to other people

What’s the point? It’s not going to change anything. Embrace yourself. For all you know someone wants to be just like you. Don’t assume everyone thinks the same way…if they did there would be one genre of music, one tv show, one type of clothing etc. Obviously different people have different taste. Different people have different definitions of beauty. Someone will find you to be perfect just the way you are. LOVE YOURSELF!

Alcohol

I rarely drink.

Actually, I think I can count on one hand the number of¬†drinks¬†I’ve¬†had in my life.

I drank recently for the first time in a very long¬†time and didn’t realize how little alcohol it took for me to get drunk and make some stupid decisions. They could have been stupider in my opinion but I’m glad they were stupid enough for me to learn the lesson.¬†

Anyways, I’m making this post to announce to the world (or at least my followers lol) that I will never drink again. Yes. Never.¬†

One, I’m entering a profession that requires a tremendous amount of responsibility. A profession where one decision may mean the difference between life and death. I don’t want to live knowing that someone died because I couldn’t preform my job due to my decrease cognitive abilities. ¬†

Two, aside of putting people life at risk through my job I might put lives at risk if I decide to drive a car or something of that nature.

Three, I can’t put my health and my life at risk. I don’t wanna damage my liver, I don’t want to damage my brain (yes, alcohol crosses the blood brain barrier), or any other organ system.

Four, I don’t want to do anything that may hurt the people that care about me. Ex. cheat on a significant other or make decision that disappoint my family and friends. ¬†

Five, in my opinion if you have to be drunk to talk to someone or to find something as enjoyable…its probably not for you.

Instead of having liquid courage I’m going to work on getting natural courage and confidence to talk to people or to make calculated risks.

Clubs and bars are NOT for me. Only way I can tolerate them is if I am inebriated. When I am sober I find them to be incredibly weird and uncomfortable. I can’t think of anything more annoying that some guy I don’t know rubbing their nether region on me, or sloppy people in an altered state of mind making a conversation with me (that they probably won’t remember when they wake up).

It’s more fulfilling to know that a person had an enjoyable time with you while they were completely sober and in a clear state of conscious.¬†

SIx, what is the opposite of mindfulness? Being drunk. 

I think I barely scratched the surface of why drinking is probably not a good idea for me. 

I’m not going to judge anyone for drinking. If a persons is able to drink moderately and control their behavior while drinking..that’s awesome.

I am a person who does not understand the meaning of moderation (for most things)…so I either have something in excess or not at all.

This is just a personal choice. I try very hard to be a better person each day. I think eliminating alcohol is another step forward in becoming the best version of myself.

I hope people don’t get offended by this post. Just expressing a personal opinion.¬†

This infographic is the best visual explanation of the different types of yoga styles I was able to find. It’s from the website alisonhinksyoga.com

According to my research and the picture above there are MANY different styles of yoga. I’m going to write a quick blurb about some of the more popular types. Please correct me if I’m wrong. I am by no means an expert in this field, at this point in time. 

1. Hatha- is the most basic type and the most popular form of yoga in the US. It is usually very slow paced. There is a lot of focus on the different Asanas (or poses).

2. Vinyasa- is also known as Flow Yoga because there is continuous movement from one posture to the next. The main focus is on coordinating the breath with the movement. 

3. Ashtanga- also known as Power Yoga (this is my favorite type, I had no idea this was the name until now lol) is very fast pace and physically demanding. Usually not a good starting point for a beginner. 

4. Kundalani- the focus is to awaken the energy at the base of the spine and move it upwards. In this type of yoga there is a lot of chanting and meditation. 

5. Bikram-also known as Hot Yoga is performed in a Hot room (about 95-100 degrees) to loosen the muscles, produce intense heat and detoxify the body. 

6. Iyengar- focused on body alignment. In this practice, poses are held for extended periods of time.   

These are the 6 types that I am most familiar with. If you would like to learn more about the other styles here and here are the links to my sources.

Answer to the question from Anon: Intimacy vs. Isolation.

The question didn’t fit into one question box so I posted it as text. :)

(sorry about your mom, hope youre all ok!) I need advice if you have the time. Last year I met a boy and we dated for a while. I’m a mess and I ruined it by not opening up and we stopped talking. I saw him for some weeks this fall because we were working on a play at university. I totally over him and it was all fine being around him. Of course I wasn’t over him and he brought up our brief relationship and asked if i thought it was weird that we stopped talking like that. The worst thing is that I keep believing that we will get a chance again, that we “meant to be”, he’s really the first guy I connected that well with, and it’s really hard because I can’t move on, even when I think I have (I was really ok for a long time). I still have issues with intimacy and it would probably end the same way if he was even interested in trying again. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? Also merry Christmas, I really enjoy your blog! best wishes to your mom:)

Thank you for your wishes.:)  I hope my mom will be completely better soon. :( 

This is so strange but I think the problem you went through in the past is what I am going through now with my relationship. So… weirdly enough I’m actually giving myself advice by giving you advice. lol Unfortunately i’m not very good at following my own advice.. although, it makes perfect logical sense…logic tends goes out the window when emotions get involved.¬†

Anyway, like you, the guy I’m currently dating is someone I have an unbelievable connection with. I’ve never experienced this before in my life. Tell me if this rings a bell for you… When you are around him hours go by like seconds, you laugh at the same things, even when you are mad at each other you smile when you see him for no reason at all, he doesn’t have to talk for you to know how he feels and vise versa. The list goes on.¬†

And like you I have trouble opening up about a lot of things that are essential for a successful relationship. After a lot of thinking I decided that I don’t want to be hard on myself because of it.

And ill tell you why: 

A psychologist names Erickson said that people go through 8 stages of development. Based on your problem I’m guessing that, like me, you are in Stage 6 which is for people from 18-30—give or take a few years.

This stage is called Intimacy vs. Isolation.  

The goal of this stage is to achieve some level of intimacy as oppose to remaining in isolation.

I think different people are better at certain stages than others. Our partners might be slightly better at this stage than us. But might be better at a previous stage or future stage.

For example Stage 5 is Identity vs. Role Confusion from age 13-20 ish—and i think ¬†I was great in this stage. I knew who ¬†I was and what I wanted to do in life.

The reason I’m writing about all this psychology/ science mumbo jumbo is to tell you that, its very common to have hard time opening up and creating intimacy in a relationship ¬†(i’m not talking about sex, i’m talking opening up your soul). Just be patient and trust that you are smart enough to put yourself in the situation that will help you the most in the long run.

If you think it’s meant to be (as I do)— be with him. It will be hard but he will be worth it. If he is patient he will help you work through your stage of intimacy vs. Isolation to find a beautiful balance. If not, you learned something that will make you better for a future relationship.¬†

If you don’t think its going to work because you are sure this will be ¬†rerun of the past—spend more time with yourself to figure out who YOU are and what YOU like. Try to get to the bottom of why it’s so hard for you to open yourself up. It is a betrayal from a past relationship? Is it something from your childhood? Once you figure it out though your own trials and tribulations..then you can enter a relationship.¬†

This quote offers a pretty good explanation: 

"Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, Stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them."

Iyanla Vanzant

I personally think practice makes perfect. It’s hard to know how to be better at being in a relationship without being in one. So I choose to work through my problems while being in a relationship. Obviously, if it starts causing my partner too much pain…it has to come to an end.¬†

One more quote to sum things up: 

It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex; people do it all the time, but opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, and dreams.. that’s being naked.¬†

Rob Bell

Hope this helps. Sorry for making it so long. I had a lot of say about this topic. lol Message me whenever you want to talk. <3 

Peaks and Valleys: It will be ok

It’s usually when we hit rock bottom that we find the strength to improve our self to become stronger, smarter,¬†healthier and kinder than we were the day before.¬†

When everything is going right we tend to get lost in the emotions and get lost in the superficial aspects of life. In a way we get corrupted. We think that life will always be perfect and everything will go the way we plan. 

But that’s the furthest from the truth.

Life is a series of peaks and valleys. Some peaks may last longer than valleys and vise versa. Both of them are suppose to help us become better—that is, if we let it.¬†

The peaks make life worth living. They are the moments we all strive for. It’s the valleys that remind us to appreciate and be grateful for the peaks when they happen.

In my opinion they are both equally great if we look at life in an optimistic way. 

If you are heading towards a valley or you are already stuck in one—be grateful. Use this moment to make yourself stronger—make a workout plan and stick to it. Make yourself smarter—-give all of you energy to being the best in your class or your job. Make yourself healthier—nourish your body with nothing but healthy food. Make yourself kinder—-meditate and find ways to spread peace and kind thoughts to people that make it difficult.

Life is only hard and depressing if you make it. It’s ok to be sad and lament over the passing of a peak. Just know that it is one of many peaks you will experience in life. :)

<3 Shobha 

Need the bad to appreciate the good.

I just finished watching this series¬†of Youtube videos called “Draw My Life” where people literally draw out the key points in their life. Here is an example of Jenna Marble’s life.

After watching like 5….(okkk like 25 lol)… of them, I noticed that everyone goes through cycles in life. Cycles of good and bad.¬†

Parents get divorced, then make some change and meet an amazing person. Get bullied, then make some change and gets a dream job. Gain a lot of weight, then make a change lose the weight and inspire thousands of people to lead a healthy lifestyle. 

It was amazing to see the different life experiences that people go through and how it all interconnect together like a nice puzzle. 

It made me realize that maybe we go through these cycles for a reason. We go through the good to notice the bad. We go through the bad to¬†appreciate¬†the good. It seems super obvious but when you really sit and think about it…it’s pretty amazing.¬†

So if you feel like you are at rock bottom, don’t stress and worry…something amazing is right around the corner. If your life is amazing, be grateful and¬†appreciate¬†it, because it can change in a second.¬†

If we are mindful and focus on the present moment we will realize that there is really no such thing as good and bad. These are relative terms. An event that seem bad now might be the best thing that ever happened to you down the road. So just enjoy the ride and be positive because, life goes on regardless. 

Just a thought.

Namaste.

I'm cleansing my life.

I’m systematically eliminating the factors in my life that cause to be in “unmindful.” After I’m able to get a better hold of this present moment business I’ll slowly start adding it back into my life (if need be). I started off of with deactivating my¬†Facebook¬† which has helped me focus A LOT.¬†

Now I’m trying to find the people in life that bring out my “unwholesome” qualities.¬†

I’m not going to¬†completely¬†cut them off..but I am going to try to limit my time with them.¬†

I think this quote sums up this post pretty well,

Respect yourself enough to walk away from¬†anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.‚Ä̬†

-Robert Tew

In addition to that, I’m going to make exercise, healthy eating, meditation and school the prime focus of my life. It’s not that I don’t do those things already but sometimes I feel like I’m half-assing all of them. So, time to sharpen the focus.¬†No more distractions.

Tumblr doesn’t count because it makes me a better person. ;)¬†

It’s time for a change.¬†

 

Negative Mindset, Negative Relationship

Before I met him I don’t think I knew what love was…

or what it feels like to have someone who understands me inside out….

Someone that accepts my flaws and loves me anyways.

Someone who complements me in every aspect of life.

Life is so perfect and easy when I’m around him.

I pray that everyone finds someone like him.

Someone that makes makes you want to get up in the morning. 

Someone that makes you want to be better.

Someone that breaks down the walls you put up for the world.

Unfortunately, due to my lack of mindfulness about my thoughts my relationship is hanging by a thread. The only thing holding it is our unconditional love for each other. I feel like I’ve taken advantage of his unconditional love.¬†

Getting upset and throwing a childish fit over misinterpreting his kind intentions is creating so much tension in our relationship.

I really need to take this mindfulness business to the next level. Otherwise, I’m going to lose someone very special. :(

Moral of this post is that, mindfulness seeps in to EVERY aspect of life. Fitness, nutrition, school, work, relationships etc. You must be mindful of your thoughts on a second to second basis because they will be expressed as your actions whether you realize it or not. If you spend all your time having negative thoughts about your life—your life WILL be negative. For the past few months my thoughts about my relationship have been nothing but¬†pessimistic¬†and filled with¬†skepticism. These thoughts¬†has lead to words and¬†behaviors¬†that has caused so much pain in my relationship.

My advice to you is to think positively because it will easily change your life into a positive one filled with happiness. Just as easily as negativity will lead to a negative life filled with pain.

Thank you to all my beautiful followers who reached out following my depressing post. You guys are amazing. <3 

I apologize for typos and grammar. 

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