Ohhhh man gotta make this good.
Okay. I was in 5th grade.
Let me tell you ‘bout fifth grade.
I was the awkward kid who didn’t like cliques. I still like climbing trees. I liked creeks and snakes and biking. I wasn’t into glitter and dressing up. And if you wanted to slay in 5th grade you best be made of glitter and dressed like it was field trip day every day.
Point is I wasn’t your average “likeable” fifth grader.
But I had a crush. Damn did I have a crush. On this kid, let’s call him O. This wasn’t any crush. This was a star-crossed, destiny-ordained, time-lasting, trial-withstanding, crush. This crush lasted 7 years. O was everything 5th grade me could imagine (which really wasn’t all that much tbh). But that’s beside the point.
So. I had a mega crush on O. He lived in my neighborhood and sometimes we’d talk. Funny thing was he was the most popular kid in the school (I went to his 12th birthday party? He had over 100 guests. That kid was f*cking 12. He had what I would call a middleschool rave. Know what I got when I turned 12? …nvm that’s another story. You get my drift.) Point is we were in two different leagues.
He ate lunch at the cool table. I ate lunch with my teacher.
So. One day O comes up to me and he’s like, “Hey, Clara.” (I went by my first name in grade school) “You want to sit with me today at lunch?”
LET ME TELL YOU A F*CKING THING ABOUT THIS. Cool kids never, ever, ever, asked kids who weren’t popular to sit at there table. It was breaking a social standard. This was just an understood rule in the 5th grade hierarchy. This was O extending a golden scepter to me and risking his social status for me.
I nearly died.
No. Like I think I many have stopped breathing or something.
This was everything.
So I was just like “oh yeah sure sure.” And he smiled with those perfectly brace-straightened teeth and said with that adorable adolescent squeak “Cool. See you tomorrow.”
So. I went ALL out. I got out the lip gloss. I got the sparkly head band. I put on my mom’s perfume. I wore my favorite converse. I wore my best skort. I wore my favorite shirt. My field trip day shirt. I think I even put eyeshadow on. I was gonna f*cking own this.
I got my lunch. I made my way across the cafeteria, head high, going to the center to where the popular table was. I swear, there had to have been an angelic light shining down on that thing. It was already full and I could see questioning looks from West Elementary’s elite. But O, sitting dead center of course, just smiles at me and points to the only empty seat across from him. “I saved you a seat.” I definitely died then.
So I sit down. A few people glared at me. Most ignored me. But O just kept soaking in the limelight as though my presence were the most natural thing in the world.
Now. O was the class clown. He was the king of pranks and jokes. And he was damn funny to me. I made sure to laugh at all his jokes, batting my eyes when he looked my way.
That was my downfall.
See, I was really nervous. So I was probably laughing too much. My first mistake. I was also drinking a hella ton of water. I mean a hella ton.
O’s telling a story. It was funny. Really funny. And I’m drinking water. A lot of water. And I have a hug mouthful of water,like 6 swallows worth. And he tells the best joke of the lunch hour. And what you’ve probably already guessed would happen…happened.
I laughed. And I spit water everywhere. Mostly on O. And it wasn’t a stream. It was a spray. An eight second steady stream. It was a “be warned: the first 6 rows will get wet” kind of spray. And it went all over the table, the people, and O. His face was literally dripping water.
He kept talking to me after that, but I never sat with the elite ever again. The end mmkay thx bye.