myedits:kat

I`m about one of the most die hard fans of The Fosters around and love the show to death, but sometimes loving the show means having to be very honest on things not right with it, which brings me to the storyline with Brandon at Idyllwild aka Camp Rock. I`m going to be honest and say that i find it to be very lackluster. I had high hopes for it and instead find it, along with the thrown together at the last minute storyline with Mariana and Wyatt, to be the weak links so far this season. I really was hoping that we would get to see Brandon having a new experience and meeting new people that are more like him, but instead it has been absolutely lame as hell with this sabotage nonsense from Kat and Tony and Brandon still being too trusting at first and then lowering himself to Kat’s petty level. I`m so annoyed with this storyline, because TPTB are so capable of doing much better. I hope that they`ll redeem themselves by making some improvements with this storyline like exploring why Kat is so bitchy (i.e. likely under heavy pressure from a hypercritical parent) and getting B, Kat and Tony to connect and relate to each other on music and other stuff, which could help build into new friendships.

I just wanna say something real quick here.

At the beginning of being on Tumblr, I had never ever once believed that I was beautiful. I always tried to hide my true self, and just in general, whether it had been online OR in real life.

Over the year and months that I’ve known katrinajpg and ruthlessdutchman though, that changed. Both of them took and continue to take the time to compliment me on my appearance frequently as well as my personality.

So after hearing it enough, and realizing that some people actually found me pretty, I started to get a boost in confidence. I’ve started trying new things with makeup and clothing and now I feel better than ever, and I even think that I’m appealing without makeup. 

I want you both, Kat and Rick, to know how much you’ve influenced me in that department. Thank you guys <3

Don’t get lost, I tell myself. Just pick up your knees and push. Push a little bit farther, a little bit harder. Don’t push other’s it’s not nice. Don’t push your heart, it won’t heal as fast. Push deeper, though. You could love again.

Remember how lovely it is to be looked at like you’re brand new to someone? Remember looking at someone and feeling the wanting familiarity that comes with holding someone’s face lightly between your palms and kissing them. Above the right eyebrow, scattering kisses across the bridge of their nose. On to their lips. Taste. Remember feeling the hair on the back of their neck against your fingertips for the first time, your how their shoulders square off towards yours and you feel content?

Remember car rides? Well, imagine new ones, and they squeeze your knee, or take your hand and kiss the back near your knuckles. Think about reaching out and brushing the fingers of your left hand against their ear. Sit back, and trust them to drive you where you need to be. 

Remember, not always where you must be, but where you need to be, a lookout, or the beach, or maybe just windows down with a good song on going around the block a couple times, or maybe just to the grocery store to pick up two ripe plums. Let the plum juice run down your fingers. Sit on the roof or hood or trunk of the car. Make sure your thigh brushes theirs. Kiss them. 

Think about a kitchen table where you share your mornings, and maybe nights. Think about your legs and feet brushing theirs. Think about lazy morning kisses, hand holding. Hugs. Think about the new ones you’ll share. Push yourself to think new, not compare to old. Think about what will make their day better. Your day better. Your day collectively better. 

Remember yoga at first, how you felt weak, detached, immovable, always trying to catch your breath? Well, that’s not you anymore, you are constantly focusing yourself for the next move, the next pose trusting that the sequence will play out, that eventually after deepening, lifting, trusting, a bit of a challenge you feel exhausted. Eventually you will lay still, quite, motionless, content. 

Eventually love will come again, you’re deepening though, the way you think, feel, the way you exist. Always learn more, challenge more, live more. Don’t get lost. Push, baby. Push. Your effort, that your result only need to effect you. Make yourself proud. Hold yourself to your standard. Don’t brag, explain. Let your passion show your liveliness. 

And don’t forget to savor the stretch, don’t forget to savor the kiss, don’t forget through the struggle, it’s a beautiful thing called existing. Revel at the moon, dance or run till your legs tire. Do deep, go fully. Trust yourself. Share that passion for the outer world with someone else. Don’t forget to fill every crack, crevice, hole in your heart… with affection, respect and love for yourself and the people who have made and continue to make you.

6

So, yeah. Hi everyone. 

A while back I got tagged in one of those “post some photos that you look at and feel beautiful” but for me, I think these photos really just look like the person I see in the mirror and in my mind’s eye, a true reflection of me on the days I wake up after a restful night. Full disclosure, they are also the photos that I have on the two dating profiles I’m half-heartedly keeping up with, which my friend saw and confirmed the other night “all these photos look like you”. 

Anyway, post some selfies friends, that way ages from now you can look back and say, yeah that was me.