my-lifesaver

He’s jealous of the moon, because you look at it. He’s jealous of the sun, because it warms you. I feel you, even when I’m not feeling you. I talk to you when I’m not talking to you. I love you, even when I’m not loving you.

This is me and my boyfriend. Me and him have been together for more than a year now, and he’s the love of my life.
Go ahead, criticize me, ask what I know about love when i’m only 16 years old. But believe me, even though i’m so young I know everything about love.
I know that this boy, he has saved my life. 
Before I knew him, I used to hate myself. Hate isn’t big enough of a word to describe how I was. Here’s me, batteling and struggling against eating disorders, depression, self LOATHING. People who used to be in my life destroyed me. Made me hate the fact that I was even alive. Add to that my Autistic sister that has brought my family to total wreckage. I can go on and on about how hard my life was.
But then I met him, so randomly it’s funny. Long story short, we have been together for such an amazing and perfect almost year and a half. 
He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me laugh and smile no matter what he does or says. He is there while I take every single step in life. He is everything a girl can dream of. He’s my prince charming, my lifesaver. He saved and keeps saving me from myself on a daily basis.

But a few monthes ago he went into the army. Here in Israel, whenever a boy or girl turn 18 they need to go to the army for 3 years (or more, their choice). I knew it would be hard. So did he. Him and my friends spent months trying to make me strong for what was coming. But everything exploded in my face when he went there. I was a wreck. I felt so empty. Going from speaking about 12+ hours a day to a few brief messages, myabe just one little message or nothing at all. We meet about every 3-4 weeks, most of the time. If t works out. He gets out most weekends, but we live an hour away from eachother and that’s pretty rough.
I felt so lonely and afraid, and now one understood. I still feel that way most times. But I just have to deal with it beacuse there is NO FUCKING CHOICE.
I live on our brief talks and messages. I live for the moment he hugs and kisses me after we haven’t met for a month.

A short while after he joined the army I spent a weekend by him. His family and us went out, and on the way home while his mother drove - we sat together in the back. And my poor baby is always so tired.. He fell asleep holding my hand. When I tried to free my hand to makes him more comfortable he held on tighter in his sleep. I’m glad he didn’t see my tears. He makes me fall in love all over again every single day.

I love him, and I sometimes just feel so lost and scard. How do you even begin to handle your love being so far away?..
I don’t know why i’m even writing all this here, no one is even gonna read it. But oh well, you need to let things out sometimes..
But all I know is that if I, the weird and crazy can find a lifesaver, so can all of you. It doesn’t matter how much you hate yourself, it doesn’t matter how hard your life and struggles are. IT. WILL. HAPPEN.
I love you all.