She is... My True Love.
Let me tell you guys a story.
This past Monday, was a very eventful day, It was terrible really. (But it ended up good!)
My girlfriend and I were texting, she said “I’m having some conflicting thoughts.” My heart stopped. I am so in love with this girl, and just the thought of losing her brings tears to my eyes. I replied to her, “What are they?”, while my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, I was scared to death I was going to lose my everything. She told me that the thought of her hurting me was killing her and that she didn’t want to, and wouldn’t be able to handle it if she did. She had bottled thoughts up in her head that were not good thoughts and she had lost herself there for a few weeks. She asked if we could be friends while she figured things out, while she found herself. I was on the verge of losing her. I was a wreck. I felt like I had just lost the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. I felt like I had been told a loved one had died after a surgery. I haven’t had a loved one die during a surgery, but I do know the fear of having one die during it. This was close to the same fear, except this fear was worse. She means so much to me, and I am so in love with her. I felt like I had just lost my soulmate. I was crying, sobbing, screaming ‘No’, and and just screaming in general with no specific words forming. I was mad, angry, pissed, sad and just completely lost at the feeling that I was going to lose her. I feared that final blow, that “I can’t do this anymore,” or “This isn’t working, we’re done,” or something to that extent. We were still texting, and I knew that if we kept having that conversation through text, that it would surely end bad. I asked her if I could call her, and I am so glad she said I could. I promised her that I wasn’t going to yell or scream at her, that’s not who I am, I’m not going to let emotions control what I say or how I say it, I’m not going to yell at my loved ones with the intent of hurting them, I won’t. And I didn’t, I didn’t yell once at her. She’s too important of a person to chance losing her because I said something stupid or because I yelled. I value our relationship too much. The phone call for the most part was very calm between us, the only thing that wasn’t calm were our cracking voices from crying and sobbing. I am so thankful she let me call her. We talked for awhile on the phone about what she had been thinking. I reassured her that she couldn’t hurt me unless we were to break up or something to that extent happened. And we figured out things we need to work on, not thinking about the future as much, what matters is right now, this moment. I told her, “It’s inevitable that in any relationship you get in, you could get hurt. But you are worth that risk.” We figured out little things she could do to help get back on track and really, that would get us back on track. We worked everything out. And we are still going, stronger than ever. We aren’t used to having someone there for us, that will support us through any and everything with unconditional love and support. We are young. We are growing, but we are growing and learning together, and that is what counts. I know we can make it through whatever life throws at us. We will only get stronger as we go on. When you’re able to find someone that is your girlfriend and your best friend, and you can talk to them about anything, it makes the relationship easier. It’s easier to talk about things, feelings, and easier to be more comfortable with one another about any and everything. What is important is that we bounced back, we really bounced back strong from that ordeal. We are stronger because of it. I wouldn’t change it happening, it tested us, and it showed us how much we really care for each other. I’m so glad it did. I am so immensely in love with her, there is no doubt about it. I’m not mad at her at all, I’m not sad, I’m not disappointed in her, my walls are still down with her, I forgive her and I am not hurt by her. It hurt when it happened, it hurt a hell of a lot, but I am past that point. When something like that happens, you can let it do one of three things to you; Destroy you completely, Make you stronger, or let it end the relationship. I wasn’t going to let it destroy me or us, and I wasn’t about to let it end our relationship. I let it make me stronger, make us stronger, because our relationship is what is important to me. She is important to me. When you find someone one that you truly fall in love with, you will find a way to get through anything, no matter what happens in your lifetime. You just have to remember, today is what matters most, tomorrow is yet to come and yesterday has already happened. You can only control what is going on at this exact moment in your life, and what choices you make in this moment, will have an impact on your future. You can’t fully plan the future, everything that is supposed to happen will happen within time and unexpected things will always happen, you can’t stop them, so don’t worry about what you don’t know. What is my choice? Her. She will always be my first choice no matter what. I am even more in love with her now than I was before Monday. She has my heart, my soul, she has all of me. And I am so absolutely thankful that she is all mine. I wouldn’t have it any other way. She is an extremely beautiful person, both inside and out. I am so incredibly thankful and so appreciative of her and everything she does. I love her so much. And I love that we bounced back even stronger than before. She is perfect. She is beautiful. She is everything I needed and everything I didn’t know I needed. She has shown me what unconditional love is. She is love. She is my true love.