Surrounding yourself with “happy”.
This past week has been nothing short of amazing. Last week, I got to take off two treatment days to go to my absolute favorite city with one of my best friends (yes, Greg, this is your official mention in my blog….get excited. You’re a celeb now.) We took many adventures and saw a lot of things, one of those things being my absolute favorite band, All Time Low! So many moments that I’ll never forget, particularly the moment before they sang the song “Missing You” and the lead singer dedicated the song to anyone going through a hard time or dealing with tough things. That meant the world to me…it really is the little things!
I came home to my sister, brother-in-law, and two nephews taking over our house all the way from Naples, Florida. Between the craziness of my 8 month old nephew and my 2 ½ year old nephew, there was not a minute of silence in our house. There was consistent chaos…but that’s exactly how I like it! It’s so nice to have other people living here for a change instead of just me and my parents and grandma. Family and friends were constantly in and out visiting and bonding.
Long story short, this past week, I was surrounded by the things that mean the most to me in this world. Nothing reminds me of why my life is worth living more than that.
I realize that the more I’m surrounded by these things, the more progress I am able to make. Because I’m not focused on my eating disorder or my trauma…I’m focused on the people and things that surround me. And I realize that they are what really matters…not my weight or what I eat. The more time I spend with my friends and family, the more baby steps that I take forward. So surround yourself with happy..it makes a world of a difference. And it’s hard when the happy goes away. So now, Pittsburgh has come to an end, and my sister, brother-in-law and nephews have returned to Florida. So of course my parents and I are dramatically moping around the house and commenting on how quiet it is around here now that it’s just us again…and Greg and I are whining about how we have to return to real life responsibilities….but that doesn’t mean I have nothing to look forward to ever again. It’s hard to maintain happiness/motivation when you feel like you were on top of the world for a few days. It’s kinda like post-vacation blues. Now I’m back on the ground…back on my own two feet. Happiness isn’t gonna carry me through this journey anymore, I have to walk on my own two feet. But that’s quite alright..cause I’m still pretty damn happy. I have way too much to be thankful for. Life is short and fragile, and despite the many good things that were brought to me this past week, tragedy has still struck in my town and a young life was taken. I’m trying to keep that in mind to remind myself of my good fortunate and the life I share with so many good people. Just 10 months ago, I almost lost my life. And for a while, I was almost disappointed that I didn’t. I wished I could have just been taken. Today, I’m glad I’m here. And I want to stay here because I couldn’t bare to miss out on creating memories with the people in my life. Thank you for giving me a reason to be here. <3 I love you all.