my schtuff

A lesson learned / sagely advice

Alright, so I try and keep this blog light and airy (rhymes with Drarry. Sorry, not sorry.) But something has been bugging me for a very long time and I finally found words for it. So read it, don’t read it, love it, leave it, I don’t particularly care. If this helps you in any way, though, then I’m very happy. *deep breath* Here goes:

Forget the idea that you have to stay friends / in a relationship with someone because of the good times you had.If things are not going well, y’all are fighting more than anything else, one person is holding a grudge, whatever, consider speaking to the person and fixing it. By all means, give it a shot if the other person isn’t hurting you or putting you down. If it has sunk to that level, though, try and fix it and immediately kill it if it doesn’t work. That kind of relationship isn’t healthy; even if you’re the one constantly dishing out the verbal lashes, you’re still driving your own blood pressure up and a friendship might not be worth that kind of strain. If the other person accuses you of being selfish for shutting them out when things were clearly not going well, just remember that you had the common sense to lay something to rest that was dying to begin with. Because nothing is more terrifying than someone bringing up something you said ‘x’ number of months ago that upset them and realizing how much more you could have said that fractured them.

Reaching for a friendship / relationship that used to be beautiful and has deteriorated to near-constant bickering is like grasping for smoke. You’re being selfish in the best way by ending it. They’re not with you 24/7. They’re not in your brain. You are. You have to deal with whatever grievances the person causes and they have to live with yours. By ending it, or at the very least, giving it a break, you give yourself and the other person time to heal and learn. You’re being selfish because you’re protecting yourself from hurting, sure. But in a way, you’re distancing them from someone who was hurting them too. 

Use your lighter wisely, but yes, some bridges might be worth burning. Torching a couple of mine was the most painful, but best decision of my life thus far.