Sam and Rachel start being friends. Quinn sucks and she’s busy sucking with Finn, who also currently sucks, so the pissed off exes bond over AVATAR on Ice.
They go to Prom together, which pisses off Finn. Quinn is angry, but distracted by the whole Prom King/Queen stuff. She rigged it as much as possible so she could win. That INCLUDES making sure Kurt cannot win Prom Queen. However, that didn’t stop Blaine.
Blaine becomes Prom Queen to Kurt’s Prom King, trolololing the way home. Murderous Prom Queen Serial Killer Quinn is very upset, and Dave offers to help since he obviously wants Kurt for himself. And killing the Peacock is okay with him. Santana’s his date, btw. But that ends because Artie breaks up with Brittany and Santana isn’t ready to date her yet (still heartbroken) but she’s willing to come out.
Now Dave is single and pissy because his beard just came out as a lesbian AND Kurt is still with Queen Blaine, so he ends up dating Rachel. She figures out it’s a sham, but keeps dating him. There is a lot of Rachel insulting Dave going on, too. Then they all hang out with her dads because HER DADS ARE AWESOME. And since Dave is Rachel’s boyfriend and Sam is her best friend, they become friends, too.
Then Sam and Dave help each other come out and they date and it’s sexy and beautiful and manly. Blaine helps, too, because he always has to get involved somehow when it comes to pushing people out of the closet.
By now, Santana is done dating not!Brittany, so she and Britt get together and Santana gets her pregnant.
Then somewhere in there, Finn wises up and ditches Quinn, so then he dates Rachel and it’s gorgeous and they go to Nationals and they lose the competion AND Rachel’s virginity in one fell swoop. Just…not at the same exact time.
Artie, Tina, and Mike bop around with each other but nobody really notices.
And Puck does something.
if this doesn’t happen exactly as I typed it, Unicorn!Blaine and I are gonna stop watching the show.