Therapy and Male Circumcision Grief

Currently I am collecting information from men who have experienced difficulty coping with their circumcision grief and have sought professional help from psychiatrists, psychotherapists etc. Preliminary findings are that often therapists treat such grieving men flippantly and dismissively.


Genital cutting societies such as that of North America deny that male circumcision is a human rights violation and that men in particular suffer physically and psychologically from the procedure, and this is often reflected in therapist attitudes. As more male teenagers and adults find out from the Internet that they have lost out sexually and enter a circumcision grief process, there is a greater need for therapists to be educated that this grief is very real and should be accepted and treated seriously. (The author knows cases of attempted and actual suicide as a result of circumcision grief.)


While some therapists are empathetic and appreciate why the man is upset, more typically men report being called “nuts” or “crazy,” the therapist joking about their own son’s circumcision, “some men are happy” [so you should be too], “you cannot say lack of an orgasm is due to circumcision,” “piercing ears is just as damaging,” “some girls prefer it” or “you should be grateful” and that circumcision prevents STIs and cancer [which is unproven]. Surprisingly some therapists thought it was “just a psychological problem and not a physical one” and that “the foreskin is not a part of the penis.’


To understand how inappropriate and misandrist such reactions are, consider what would happen to a woman patient grieving over her childhood genital mutilation. A therapist would support this woman to work through her grief and there are World Health Organization guidelines published to support the therapist. A therapist would not joke about circumcision, say she is “nuts,” justify her circumcision using health reasons or tell her she should be grateful for what was done to her. 

This sexual bias arises from the North American social construct that female circumcision is far more physically and psychologically damaging than medical male infant circumcision. Some forms of female circumcision are more damaging, but some are less damaging in terms of amount of tissue removed, reduction in erogenous tissue, effect on mechanical and protective functions and damage to the development of sensory pathways in the nervous system.


This sexual bias is further confounded by the belief that the foreskin is a non-functional structure and is often the source of disease, a concept promoted by the North American mainstream medical profession. On the contrary, the foreskin is, like any body part, usually healthy and is a connected part of the normal penile skin, blood, muscular and nervous systems. The foreskin: provides a major part of the sensory input during sexual activities; protects the sensitivity of the head of the penis by acting as a barrier to abrasion from clothes, low air or water temperatures and desiccation; provides enough skin to accommodate the increased penile volume during erection without tears and bleeding; reduces of the force needed to penetrate the vagina; reduces friction by acting as a linear bearing between the penile shaft and the vaginal walls; and helps retain vaginal fluids during intercourse. For circumcised men, some of these functions can be regained through nonsurgical foreskin restoration.


It is hardly surprising that in response to negative therapist responses, men report feeling “terrible’, “sick”, “frustrated” and “not understood.” Men report therapists were “not helpful” and “refused to listen”. Diagnoses included obsessive compulsive disorder, dysmorphia and “obsessive thoughts,” “You’re blaming circumcision for sexual issues,” “You’re fixated on what is missing; lack of sexual feeling is just in your head,’ and “You’re obsessive about restoration.”


Strategies did not usually follow the normal treatment for grief because most therapists could not believe a man would ever grieve over a missing foreskin. Example strategies included: further evaluation, meditation, refrain from visiting restoration websites, “roll with it” and further digging to find the real cause of the problem. It is hardly surprising that men did to make follow up appointments.


Men have suggested that therapists should consider: investigating post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and intrusive thoughts; empathizing and validating the man’s feelings; trying to “help sort out those feelings to reach solutions”; and being “logical and not in denial”.


On entering circumcision grief men feel isolated and lonely, because they are unable to share their grief with peers, parents, partners and medical professionals for fear of ridicule. Men must be seen as being strong and in control. What works best for men who are working through circumcision grief, is non-surgical foreskin restoration and the support given to them by similarly grieving men on restoration websites. Such websites often recommend that men do not visit professional therapists for obvious reasons.


If you have experiences of professional therapy for circumcision grief please contact me atpeterpinkpink@hotmail.com and I will supply a list of 16 questions most of which require brief answers.


- Lindsay R. Watson, A Voice For Men

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sure we’ve never had a woman president, the majority of politicians and CEOs are men, a woman needs a masters degree just to make the same money as a man with a BA doing the same job, rape cases are grossly under prosecuted, and we teach young girls that they’re “asking for” rape based on what they’re wearing

but let’s talk about the REAL issues like how some woman on the internet is selling a coffee mug with the words “male tears” printed on it

Real quick:

When you people immediately turn this into a ‘mental illness’ issue you are not only defending a murderer but you are throwing people who actually have mental illnesses under the bus. 

This is not a mental illness issue, this is an issue of an entitled boy who got angry that women wouldn’t sleep with him. 

Are you female? Do you believe in the rights of men and boys? Are you proud of your tits? Are you interested in being part of a viral campaign that might get huge?

Most importantly are you eighteen or older?

If you’re interested please contact me privately.

Yes, nudity is involved. The concept will be explained. The images will be photoshopped.

This could have an impact, a real impact.

But I can’t do it alone, I need your help.

One of the big problems with hashtag activism is you’re never sure if it’s genuine or not.

There’s an organized, ongoing attempt by people from 4chan/pol, reddit, MRA/MRM sites, and Stormfront all working together to attack feminists on twitter— specifically Black feminists/womanists. 

https://twitter.com/hashtag/YourSlipIsShowing?src=hash #YourSlipIsShowing (created by sassycrass on twitter) covers some more of the issue, and so_treu, sassycrass, Blackamazon christocarbone and thetrudz are covering this really well, including posting screen shots of discussions of tactics. 

Here’s a storify about it: https://storify.com/sassycrass/yourslipisshowing-documenting-a-hoax and here’s a quick look at how an authoritative state like Azarbaijan can control and hijack hashtags - http://www.katypearce.net/shenanagins-again-and-again/ . The 4chan etc trolls are using the same tactics (signing up at the same time, RTing each other, using names and photos of real-looking people, etc).

They’re targeting specific people, overwhelmingly Black women who are active and outspoken (and often critical of) movement feminism.

(NB that the hashtag SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen mentioned in the buzzfeed article was created by karnythia as a way of commenting on the failings of institutionalized feminism and the white women who predominantly run it, ignoring the needs and concerns of WOC. Trolls picked up on it and posted a bunch of hateful and ridiculous shit.)

EDITED TO ADD:

Marvelous storify by So_True here: https://storify.com/so_treu/yourslipisshowing-6-16-2014 . Lots of information including some history of white on Black violence and suppression on both a civilian and governmental level.

https://storify.com/eaton/pol-vs-social-justice Storify about /pol/ and EndFathersDay with screenshots from /pol/

EDITED TO ADD pt 2:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/end-fathers-day-and-feminist-troll-accounts buzzfeed account of some of what’s been happening, including mention of #whitecantberaped.

Note that trolls are grabbing photos/avatars of actual people, which is really gross, and some of them are also RTing tweets from actual people with words changed, or posting edited screenshots of tweets from real people to make them sound racist, abusive, etc.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/your-slip-is-showing-4chan-trolls-operation-lollipop Another account of the trolls trying to drag down Black feminists/womanists, including the new hashtag they’re allegedly going to try and launch: #whiteenough, an attempt to claim that light skinned POC (let’s be real, WOC) benefit from white privilege. Like Black people & other POC haven’t been discussing colorism for generations.

Please reblog this because it’s important for people to know about this user to avoid

The original owner of this URL is a really bad dude that has also gone by taylormoss7 or ask-an-mra-anything5. His MO seems to be that he reaches out to feminist bloggers and has a seemingly cordial message about bridging misunderstandings about the Men’s Rights Movement - do NOT engage him. Do NOT ask him questions, do NOT visit his blog. He is toxic as SHIT because eventually his messages become straight up death/rape threats. He left a particularly nasty message for misandry-mermaid

And his blog doesn’t get much better. He FREQUENTLY posts about wanting all feminists to die. He blames them for dmab infant circumcision, and it does not matter if you are against it, he hounds feminists about it constantly. It does not matter how many times you tell him - HIM SPECIFICALLY - you are against something, like the idea that a man can’t be raped - he WILL come into your ask box with nasty messages as if you 100% approve of it.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, he admitted on several occasions that he had plotted to murder the doctor who circumcised him. He only stopped when he learned the doctor was already dead, and he was sad that it wasn’t by his own hand.

He has also used the n word repeatedly and made expressly anti-Black statements that he wrote off as being okay because he’s 2% gay and would make out with the Black male celebrity he found attractive? So yeah, avoid his blogs.

So please PLEASE save yourself and block this guy if you see him!! Report his blog immediately! He has once again deleted, but I anticipate he will be back. He never stays gone for long.

Please reblog and stay safe

Quick informational on items that are actually part of the Men’s Rights Platform.  It is not exhaustive, and is simplified. Many of the Issues above are more nuanced than presented and have a host of other symptoms as well.

Higher Res Version. Because Tumblr shrank it in the wash.

University of Wisconsin Panel: Men Accused of Rape Should Not be Innocent Until Proven Guilty

The anti-due process voices on campus aren’t bothering to sugarcoat their message anymore. At the University of California-Berkeley a few weeks ago, students protested the very notion that their classmates accused of rape should be treated fairly. At Ohio University the week before, angry protesters called due process for college men accused of rape “bullshit.” At Penn, angry law students objected to the very idea that 16 of their law professors would go to bat for fair procedures in sexual assault cases.


Last night, anti-due process voices dominated a panel discussion on campus rape at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. According to The College Fix:


A woman who identified herself as a teaching assistant stood up and said she did not feel that the notion of innocent until proven guilty should apply to rape cases because it only helps protect the rights of the accused instead of the victim.


Only one of the panel members spoke out in disagreement with this statement. Klingele, the law professor, said that because she was a legal scholar, she had to disagree with this premise.


One student said she was “horrified” to discover that her accused rapist had due process rights. The rights that troubled her included the right to a hearing and the right to have a written summary of allegations from the accuser. She also decried the fact that “he was not required to speak in his defense.”


The impulse to eradicate sexual violence is a noble one, but sadly, the rhetoric employed by modern feminists in pursuit of that goal is animated by a disturbing hostility to the due process rights of those legally entitled to the presumption of innocence. This is anything but a “liberal” or a “progressive” position. It is, in fact, a chilling echo of the lynch mobs that gathered at the hanging trees of the old American South for whom due process was a luxury society could not afford when it came to black men accused of rape

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Anyone who believes that the war on rape can’t be waged without dispensing with fairness for the accused is woefully unschooled in concepts that are foundational to our traditions of justice, concepts that pre-date even Magna Carta. We don’t require fairness in tribunals to protect rapists but to protect the innocent, and Blackstone’s Formulation is a cornerstone of a civilized people. Dispensing with fairness for the accused not only hurts the innocent, it undermines trust in the system, which hurts rape victims.


Yet, last night at a major university, supposedly educated people openly disagreed with a notion that until recently seemed beyond debate — innocent until proven guilty. At least they disagreed with it when it comes to one class of citizens accused of one type of offense. The discourse borders on pathology.


We are sometimes told that “not all feminists are like that.” If that is so, where are the sane and rational voices of feminism to condemn this Star Chamber mentality? All persons of good will need to stand up and declare “enough is enough.”


- Pierece Harlan, A Voice For Men


(Originally posted on http://www.cotwa.info/)

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