For a long time, I’ve been terrified of listening to my thoughts. Because I was always afraid that any negative thoughts that I had about life were God telling me I was doing things wrong, as that’s what the Mormon church taught me.
A thought I’ve been afraid of for a long time is that God would tell me that Dude was not the right person for me to spend my life with. Asking God who you should date/marry is VERY important. I’ve always been terrified of that.
I finally realized that the negative voices I hear inside my head are not God, it’s my “inner critic” as my therapist calls it. I’ve learned to listen to that voice, process what it means, and deal with it.
And since I’ve done that, and let go of the idea that all my negative thoughts are Jesus/God telling me I’m fucking it all up, life has been beautiful.
I’ve been SO VERY MUCH in love with Dude lately.Like sappy, heart eye emoji crushing on him. I couldn’t understand why I all of a sudden felt so newly in love, until I figured out that letting go of worrying about that critical voice opened up so much more space in my soul for love, and all the parts of me that were afraid are now free to fill up with love.
And my Dude gives me so much love. He is amazing and kind, and a pain in the ass, and hilarious, and annoying, and sexy, and fun.
On one hand, I’m mad that I lived so much of my life with that part of my soul clouded up with negativity, but also so grateful to be able to feel the flooding of love and happiness that I’m experiencing.