Because we live in such a monogamy-centered society, it makes sense that many people can only conceive of non-monogamy in what ultimately still amounts to monogamous terms. There is a common misconception that a polyamorous relationship is really no different from an open-relationship agreement: one committed couple, with some lighthearted fun on the side. But the word “polyamory,” by definition, means loving more than one. Many of us have deeply committed relationships with more than one partner, with no hierarchy among them and no core “couple” at the heart of it all. To me, this notion that there must be one more important relationship, one true love, feels a lot like people looking at same-sex couples and thinking that one person must be the “man” in the relationship and the other must be the “woman.” After all, both of these misunderstandings result from people trying to graft their normative conceptions of love and relationships onto people who are partnering in non-normative ways. It seems that it is somewhat easy for many people to acknowledge that humans are capable of loving one person and still enjoying sex with others (assuming, of course, that the terms of their relationship make such behavior acceptable). But it is much harder for people to think outside the fairy-tale notion of “the one” and imagine that it might be possible to actually romantically love more than one person simultaneously.
In many people’s minds bisexuality is (incorrectly) seen as synonymous with non-monogamy. Bisexuals are most often portrayed or imagined as married men or women having secondary "flings" with people of the same sex.

Talk shows, in keeping with their usual superficiality and oversimplification of reality, perpetuate this stereotype. Many shows invite as panelists only bisexuals who have more than one partner, as if the absence of multiple partners invalidates or at least confounds bisexual identity. It is usually the preference of producers that the bisexual individual’s primary relationship be a heterosexual marriage, with same sex lovers "on the side".

In dealing with producers of these types of shows, I have been told that monogamous or celibate bisexuals are not interesting or controversial enough, and besides, the viewers wouldn’t be able to understand monogamous or celibate bisexuality.

As a result, viewers are presented with images that reinforce the illusion that all bisexual people have both male and female lovers, when in fact only a minority of bisexuals actually maintain this lifestyle.
—  Robyn Ochs Biphobia: It Goes More Than Two Ways originally published in Bisexuality: The Psychology and Politics of an Invisible Minority, Beth A. Firestein, Editor published by Sage 1996

We ♥ this quote and article which helps explain why so many people believe bisexuals cannot be monogamous. But want to remind people there is a difference between those who Choose Monogamy as the right thing For Them, and has absolutely nothing to do with being down on polyamorous and other types of relationships which may be the right thing for others. To each their own, "An it harm none, do what ye will."

Monogamy was first introduced to the world in 1999 when Britney Spears asked her childhood friend, Justin Timberlake, to be romantically involved with her exclusively. This experimental relationship lasted until 2002 and ultimately inspired Timberlake to commit to monogamy for a lifetime with his wife, Jessica Biel. Since its inception, monogamy has become one of the most popular forms of romantic involvement in the world and is considered a prerequisite for reproduction in many cultures.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

MONOGAMY IS INHERENTLY RACIST AND SEXIST.

"I prefer to be committed."

Here, let me tell you why you’re wrong…

I am committed to jogging for thirty minutes a day, but some days I also lift weights on top of that. I am committed to learning guitar, but I can learn keyboard at the same time.

"Commitment" does not mean that you are solely and entirely devoted to one thing. "Commitment" means that you are dedicated, invested, consistent.

Polyamory is just as committed as monogamy - by which I mean that the level of love and commitment to each relationship is dependant upon the individuals involved, not the style of the relationship.

Polyamory does not mean that you are lacking in commitment or dedication to the relationship - it just means that you are, with the consent of everyone involved, engaging in multiple relationships at once (akin to having multiple friendships, multiple children or family members, the different relationships are not dictated or lessened by the existence of the others).

What you prefer to be is “monogamous”. You prefer to be with one person at a time, because you feel that is the most beneficial and enjoyable way for you personally to expend your time and energy - it is no more or less ethical or admirable, it is just the relationship style you are most comfortable in.

Quit invalidating my commitment in order to validate your own.

where r all my polyamorous relationships? I mean it’s great we got all these monogamous lesbians and monogamous bisexual couples, monogamous gay couples, monogamous PoC couples monogamous trans couples, which is awesome, but like monogamy isn’t the only waayyy

anonymous asked:

What is the difference between romance and a serious relationship? Do you think one can experience true love without being in a defined exclusive relationship?

Romance, in my opinion, is more of the short-sighted passionate part of a relationship. It’s the happy and good times, when everything seems perfect and you can’t imagine ever being apart kind of feeling. It’s when you are trying to woo and get to know one another and enjoying everything together.

A serious relationship, begins with romance but it is kept together with trust and desire to endure hardship together. It is caring about someone even when you are mad at them. It is a commitment that you will stand by one another in good times and bad.

I don’t think you can have true love if you aren’t exclusive. Yes you can love multiple people but you can, in my opinion, only be in love with one person. When you love someone, you only desire to be with that person. Otherwise it isn’t love, it’s just two people who are in a relationship.

Just become polyamorous, get over your jealousy (desire to posses another human being) and learn how to love people without the unwritten contract of monogamy and emotional monopoly. Then you’ll actually find the person you want to only be with voluntarily, and they’ll find you and only want to be with you voluntarily, and then you don’t need a damn ring or codependency to be able to share your lives together, not cling to each other for dear life out of fear of being alone.
—  William Gebhard | The Medicated Primate