How the fuck does this pass for anything but complete bullshit?

How is Mitch McConnell allowed to start another sentence? America and American media has lost the ability to see through made-up rhetoric.

So for every scientist with peer-supported empirical evidence regarding climate, Mitch can find some random asshole to say the opposite.

Anyone ever heard of “apples to apples”? 

This is the Senate majority leader and his approach to the most important issues of the day: I can find a lobbyist to refute your facts.

The 114th Congress was just sworn in on Tuesday, but by Wednesday Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) gave it credit for last year’s positive economic data.

In a speech announcing the new Senate, which is now controlled by Republicans, he said, “After so many years of sluggish growth, we’re finally starting to see some economic data that can provide a glimmer of hope; the uptick appears to coincide with the biggest political change of the Obama Administration’s long tenure in Washington: the expectation of a new Republican Congress.”

There have been positive signs in the economy lately. The most recent GDP report showed 5 percent growth in the third quarter of last year and 4.6 percent growth in the second. That 5 percent growth rate was the fastest the economy had experienced since 2003. But it measured growth in July, August, and September, before the midterm elections in November that flipped the Senate to Republican control.

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There’s actually been a little bit of controversy that we’ve been likening the presumptive Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to a slow-talking tortoise man…I want to state for the record, we are not. What we are doing is asserting that Mitch McConnell is literally, biologically, a tortoise. Specifically, a 180 year old living, breathing, giant tortoise of the species Aldabrachelys Gigantea, who has, despite not being indigenous to North America, somehow ascended to a prominent leadership role in the United States Senate. And so, I say to Senator McConnell, kudos.

in other news, kentucky has elected the world’s most humanlike turtle into the senate today, revealing that his largely conservative constituency would literally rather have a reptilian fossil serving in the government than a woman