davejade napisał(a):

hey speaking of shitty teachers once the guys in my class were talking about domestic abuse and my teacher goes "yeah man!! beat the bitch!" as a joke so i very politely asked him to apologize and he laughed at me and then yelled at me after class saying that i was being inappropriate and disrespectful towards him

Fire his ass.

By which I mean set his ass on fire.

My gender has moulded the world in its own image. Everything from politics to finance, law to science, art and architecture, sports and enter- tainment are shaped, structured and led by men – and contain the finger- prints of masculinity. History is almost exclusively made by men; and it is always His story. Men hold a virtual monopoly in the corridors of power: whether in political institutions or banks, the judiciary or the media, uni- versities or research laboratories, businesses or corporate organisations – anywhere where policies are made, decisions are announced, and all life on Earth is regulated. Not surprisingly, statistically men also perpetuate more crime than women, conventional as well as white-collar, from murders and killings, to football hooliganism, to nasty and greedy bankers ripping off the rest of society. The favourite pastime of men is, of course, war, perpetuated in the name of religion and ideologies but always focused on power and territory.

Violence and men go together; and a great deal of violence, in this truncated half-human world that men have fashioned, is directed against women.


Ziauddin Sardar (The Shadows of Muslim Men) 

Read This Week

Though my original plan when I started this blog over two years ago was to share a Read This Week feature *every* week, some weeks I missed and others I was on break for self-care and rest. About every week I share recently read articles, essays, journal articles and/or papers that I find important/interesting and think you may be interested in based on you reading Gradient Lair. 90th one! Good reads below:

Why Misogynists Make Great Informants: How Gender Violence on the Left Enables State Violence in Radical Movements by Courtney Desiree Morris on INCITE! blog is incredible. A must read. Like right now. Misogyny easily derails “progressive” movements because men can do very little in terms of work, can harm without being held accountable and already fit into the role the gov needs to destabilize movements. I’ve read this piece multiple times over the last week. (H/T to @so_treu for sharing it on Twitter. I will never forget this piece.)

Sex and Tech: The Sexual Revolution by @FireinFreetown on Model View Culture is a really good read about how social media space—while imbued with abuse and violence—has been a space for sexual expression and intricate dialogue on nuanced sexual politics and practices, including for Black queer people. She mentioned her own sexual politics journey and how social media helped facilitate it.

Why I’m Not Really Here For Emma Watson’s Feminism Speech At the U.N. by @BlackGirlDanger on her blog Black Girl Dangerous is very important. As expected, the anti-Blackness and misogynoir of mainstream feminism has reared its head, using Emma Watson as an object to harm Black women, via the daily attacks on Beyoncé. This facile binary is a bigger problem but here she points out why this “game changing” speech was not game changing at all, was not intersectional and centered men. Critical read.

Progressive Struggles Against Insidious Capitalist Individualism: Interview With Angela Davis by Frank Barat on Jadaliyya is really good; Angela Davis shares insight on agency and collective/community struggle and derides deification (which is actually something done to her) and individualism that creates heroism and erasure in activism. She also discussed the legacy of the Black Liberation movement, current issues in Palestine and critiqued neoliberalism as a facet of modern activism.

Stay tuned for my next Read This Week!

Family Guy Season 13 Premiere Review: Why They Lost a Fan

I decided to watch the newest Family Guy episode (which aired this past Sunday) in which the long-awaited Simpsons crossover finally happened. And I have to say, after going downhill for years, Family Guy has finally fallen out of my favor.
Aside from Family Guy poking fun at itself for being a blatant Simpsons ripoff, there were jokes made in the episode that were in terrible taste and just completely unfunny.
First, we had the obvious misogyny of Peter’s comic strip and a “dishwasher” being broke (being a woman). In the episode itself, it caused a large outcry and a lot of angry reactions. However, the reactionaries, being the feminist movement, were made to look ludicrous and like they were getting upset over nothing. Plus the fact that they continued to poke fun at it for a little while longer.
For years, Meg Griffin has been the target of familial abuse, mainly by her father, whether it was physical, verbal, or emotional. But abuse is never a joke, especially when it is towards your own child. When Lisa Simpson finally told Meg that she matters to someone, of course we have Peter calling from off-screen to shut her down and tell her otherwise.
And the last thing that finally tore it was a very VERY obvious self-harm joke (Meg: *to Lisa* I cut your name into my arm so I’d never forget you. *proceeds to show her and the audience the open wounds*). This is in NO WAY a joke. Self-harm is a very, very serious issue that many people deal with on a daily basis. It is something that I have come face-to-face with in my life, and it is not an issue to be taken lightly. If anyone out there reading this has a problem with self-harm, please talk to a trusted adult, doctor, or call either 1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-334-HELP. These are self-injury hotlines that are available to the public and to help you.

Family Guy has officially lost a fan. After having my eyes opened to the very obvious insensitivities the show presents (not even as satirical material), it’s been a very long time coming.

Someone was arguing with me today about how I was being too “extreme” and “verbally abusive” to men by asking them to not make rape jokes. What’s extreme is the fact that not only does rape exist but that some people find it comical. 

'How can you be a goth AND a cheerleader? Aren't they like total opposites?'

'You can't be a cheerleader if you're a goth - goths are depressed, cheerleaders have to be peppy!'

'You can't like boys AND girls. You're either gay or straight!'

'A feminist? Why do you hate men?'

'You're only queer/goth/alternative/feminist because it's the in thing/a phase/tumblr/hipster/etc.'

'boys don't really like it when girls have muscles.'

'boys don't really like alt/goth girls.'

anonim napisał(a):

You're defending that music video? It is not empowering for women in the slightest. It is just more lazy sexism that pervades music videos all the time, reducing women to their body parts and catering to the male gaze. The twerking scene is completely unnecessary and degrading, zooming in on the women while they twerk in slow motion. How can anyone tell me that the video ISN'T sexist?! I'm so flipping disappointed.

Since you were too much of a coward to show your face, I’ll just address this to anybody who has an issue with this music video:

In a sense, I can understand how it can be problematic. Yes, there are women with huge asses dancing around in a music video for a proggy sludge band, and both prog and sludge metal are genres where women with huge asses are just straight-up not welcome or made fun of. I get it. I’m not stupid and I can see how it can be offensive to some viewers.

However, for others, it’s all about having women of all races and body types (and yes, there are white and Latina women in this video, too) proudly displaying their bodies and their sexuality while having fun dancing to a band whose music they enjoy. When Brann came up with the concept of the video, he wanted the women to be up-front-and-center and for the plot to revolve around them. They aren’t accessories to the band, they’re the stars of the show. This, in a way, is actually more progressive than how dancers in rock/hip-hop videos are typically displayed, where they’re made into “hoes” there to make the band look good. Nah, in “The Motherload”, the dancers are the ones running the game, and the band is all but dwarfed by them. This is their video.

Also, coming from someone who knows Brann personally, the idea of him being sexist or misogynist is extremely laughable. He is an ally in every sense of the word. His wife is a strong-willed woman and she wouldn’t stay with him if he was pig-headed. He wanted to make a video where women who are typically marginalized are running things as they see fit, and honestly he’s really upset about the backlash. It was an idea with good intentions that just wound up pissing people off. Same thing with the Thanksgiving shirt - the intention was to show how the marketing of holidays often erases the tragic stories behind them, but I admit the idea was executed poorly and that’s why the band got lambasted for it. Still, the idea didn’t come from a place of hate.

I’m sorry that you find the video offensive. What you can do, and I know this is a novel concept, is not watch it. Just pretend it’s not there and carry on. I see problematic shit all the time and some times I speak out about it, but I’m not going to try and keep it from happening. Freedom of speech and expression is what it all comes down to. You can dislike Mastodon and this video all you want, but it’s still going to be there and people are still going to enjoy it. Try battling misogyny in your own spaces and helping people around you instead of criticizing dancers in a music video for their choice of artistic expression. Practice what you preach. In the meantime, FYM will continue to support this video and celebrate the fun, confident women in it.

Have a stellar day,


Drag is not okay

Yes, drag is offensive. I’m sorry but if you call yourself a feminist or an ~intersectional~ whatever SJW and you reblog shit about black face and yellow face being racist do not for a second try to defend drag under “self expression” when all it is are misogynistic tropes that caricaturize women AND women of color. 

Like y’all wanna complain about halloween costumes being cultural appropriation and sexist as fuck but the moment a gay man does it as “performance” you’re silent. 

I see you.

anonim napisał(a):

On the topic of Drag being misogynistic, gay guys are so fucking misogynistic. I followed a blog run by a gay guy and he would reblog pictures of celeb camel toes and photos comparing women's vaginas to deli meat. I remember there was a photo of a roast beef sandwich with the comment "this is why I'm gay" and all the gay guy humor blogs just reblogged it and laughed their piece of shit asses off. Their behavior needs to be known. (Btw you introduced me to radical feminism. I love you, sister.)

I think there is a huge lack of accountability in the LGBT community for the hatred of women and women’s bodies - blatant misogyny, bigotry and lesbophobia. Like you have this movement that is supposed to represent love, equality, and tolerance - with a backdrop of white male privilege, entitlement, and sexism. 

Women are so busy trying to protect gay men that they turn a blind eye to how gay men can be misogynist of the worst order. Are we forgetting that they still belong to the class of males under Patriarchy? Being gay is not a magic wand that cures a man from violent misogyny. And given, because they have renounced sexual relations with women, they view our bodies as even more revolting, ugly, unclean, and disposable. Gay men don’t have to tread on the “fake nice” persona that your typical misogynist has to play by in order to get laid. What you see in “gay guy humor” is the result of taking already misogynistic men, and removing the fronts about trying to appeal to women for sex, (because they have men) you get an uncensored, fully honest picture of how many hetero men feel about women. 


I love you too sister. 

I think you could make a case for saying that misogyny and men’s rights activism are not mutually exclusive. I think that most misogyny in the men’s rights movement is ironic, and while I’m still really wrestling with whether or not that’s okay, the fact remains that there’s an argument for it—that some men have been used by or ignored in favor of women their entire lives and use it to vent. Just acknowledge that there’s reasoning behind it.

This is indefensible. These trends disproportionately affect women of color. For every step backwards in the fight for health care access, a confluence of poverty, geography and racial discrimination ensures that black, Latina, Asian and Native American women fall even further behind their white peers.