I stayed in bed for over an hour
looked at things on my phone
I felt slightly anxious about nothing particular
I walked downstairs and poured coffee into a jar
I asked a person on the internet if I should take drugs
I took drugs before the person had time to respond
I feel alienated by people who express concern about me without
defining their concern in terms of a specific solution or goal
I dont feel comforted by the idea of an afterlife
I dont want to continue experiencing things after I die
I want someone to pull my hair because I like the idea of someone
controlling my head without touching my head

What is the difference between being an independent person
and being a person who is accepting of loneliness?

—  Today My Alarm Went Off at 12:30 p.m. (Mira Gonzalez)
I am looking at people who are dancing and touching each other
I am drinking vodka with ice and feeling incredibly fucked
I wonder if anyone feels more lonely now than they felt an hour ago
when they were alone in their rooms looking at things on the internet
—  "Untitled 5" by Mira Gonzalez
i want to feel orgasms in the tip of my nose and the back of my ear
in the cartilage between the vertebrae that make up my spinal column
would you stare at my face for ~2 hours without blinking
standing on the splintery wooden porch of the house where i was born
we are craving a certain unachievable density in emotions
that can only be partially expressed through physical movements
subtle gestures that suggest something complex and vague
i will kiss you everywhere and recklessly
under the avocado tree during a thunderstorm
in that hole i dug in my dad’s backyard when i was 7
here are some things that i would like to touch
clavicle bones, backs of knees, adam’s apple, space between fingers
together we will have this extremely beautiful sensation
of being twice as frail as we once were
and it will feel like the first time you ever had a cold
the last time you tasted grape flavored cough syrup
a light pink fever
—  Mira Gonzalez, "Heartbroken People With Extreme Personality Flaws"
I stayed in bed for over an hour
looked at things on my phone
I felt slightly anxious about nothing particular
I walked downstairs and poured coffee into a jar
I asked a person on the internet if I should take drugs
I took drugs before the person had time to respond

I feel alienated by people who express concern about me without
defining their concern in terms of a specific solution or goal
I dont feel comforted by the idea of an afterlife
I dont want to continue experiencing things after I die
I want someone to pull my hair because I like the idea of someone controlling my head without touching my head

what is the difference between being an independent person
and being a person who is accepting of loneliness
—  "Today My Alarm Went Off at 12:30 p.m.," Mira Gonzalez

you try to not draw attention to yourself

you are considerate and polite in social situations

you hide certain opinions and express other ones

so that people may perceive you as ‘agreeable’

anyone can enjoy your presence for a short period of time

you allow people to project appealing qualities onto you

and for this reason, they maintain relationships with you

sometimes for a few weeks, or months, maybe a year or two

you lose interest in people quickly, or people lose interest in you

you are unable to discern any relevant difference between those things

you take drugs because they make you feel different

benzodiazepines make you feel detached, affectionate,

as if your opinions and desires exist independently of ‘you’

amphetamines make you feel thinner, more interesting, sociable

you are equally compelled by experiences which have

extremely positive, or extremely negative outcomes

physically attractive people don’t seem appealing to you

you feel attracted to people based on their ability to change things

your perception of reality, the ways in which you assign connotation to memories

you are interested in people who, when thought of years from now,

will cause ,you to recall certain, specific, crippling emotions

—  Mira Gonzalez “in public places you sit or stand, quietly”

Illuminati Girl Gang 4 is here!!! 

Illuminati Girl Gang is a zine that is dedicated to showcasing female perspectives in art and literature. 

Includes original poetry, art, and short stories by Ana Cecilia Alvarez, Genevieve Belleveau, Arvida Byström, Ana Carrete, Sarah Cook, Thea Alix De Gubernatis, Kate Durbin, Alicia Eler, Elizabeth Ellen, Mira Gonzalez, Rachel Hyman, Chelsea Hodson, Rosemary Kirton, Caroline Alice Lopez, Laura Marie Marciano, JoAnna Novak, LK Shaw

Edited by Gabby Bess

Cover Image by Amy Worrall 

Pre-order a copy here. *Cover image is subject to change. 

Watch on incandescens.tumblr.com

HI GUYS

if u are feeling lonely i will read u poetry

welcome 2 the first edition of brittany’s poetry hour!!!

poems included: 
brandon scott gorrell - don’t feel like i can maneuver this ‘copying tao lin’ problem anymore (2:14)
(muumuuhouse.com/bsg.poetry4.html)

mira gonzalez - i can read a novel out loud while you lay on my floor with your head in my lap and we can feel happy because we are touching each other and i am using my voice and we don’t have to think about global climate change or death (3:46)
(shabbydollhouse.com/i-can-read-a-novel)

shinji moon - the water cycle (6:12)
(commovente.tumblr.com/post/38136901551/falling-in-love-with-you-was-a-kind-of-melting)

michael ondaatje - light (7:59)

heiko julien - some chapters from ‘am i cool’ & chap 7 of ‘i am ready to die a violent death (14:09)
(scribd.com/doc/94961731/am-i-cool)
(scribd.com/doc/102952623/I-Am-Ready-To-Die-A-Violent-Death)

some bullshit by yours truly (21:25)

aaaaaaaand
walt motherfuckin’ whitman - third part of ‘song of myself’ (24:41)

count the number of times i say ‘um’ or ‘alright’ or ‘so yeah’ - I WILL WORK ON THIS NEXT TIME I REALIZE I SOUND WAY TOO PROFESSIONAL THIS IS NOT HOW I NORMALLY AM EVER I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO EXIST IN THE REAL WORLD

I AM SORRY IF I BORED YOU TO TEARS

thanks 2 all of these lovely poets y’all are wonderful
and thanks 2 muumuu house & shabby doll house yr wonderful too
NEXT EDITION WILL BE BETTER I PROMISE
I ALSO HAVEN’T SHOWERED IN TWO DAYS
B

I pick up my cat and forcibly hug her
my cat meows loudly and jump-kicks me as she runs away
I think I would like to be a cat
I want someone to forcibly hug me
I want to jump-kick them and run away
—  From i will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together by Mira Gonzales, reviewed at The Rumpus by Emily Bludworth de Barrios
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