God I’m so sorry that I keep saying all these words without any meaning there’s no way to stop the screaming banshee she hurls herself at the roof of my mouth and claws at my lungs my breaths are shallow and useless I wanted to love him but he didn’t love me why is my heart so full to bursting when there’s nothing left inside it fuck you for never listening to me when I cried I should have been awake at midnight on new years eve but I was so tired and scared of the dark once I saw a skeleton climb out of my brothers body and it bit me on the shoulder I didn’t sleep for two weeks am I a liar or a sinner or am I every kind of Christian my belly is swollen and there’s so many ways to die that I always find myself overwhelmed she didn’t want to kiss me and I could see it in her face I want you to at least appreciate that I fucking care but my heart is so tired all the time I’m so tired all the time my body is a battle zone and its blowing up at the seams I wanted to be beautiful I wanted to be captivating I wanted her to love me but she doesn’t something in my brain is gnawing at the synapses I killed a part of myself and I mourn her everyday I don’t know where I went but I wish I gave myself a map I’m lost in space and the stars aren’t shooting for me anymore they’re shooting at me and I’m praying to god that one of them hits me in the chest I’m bleeding on the sidewalk and I’m kissing him on the mouth but my friend called me a whore and I haven’t looked at myself since I’m a disgusting piece of work I taste them on my skin after a night out and I hate myself more then I thought I could I believed in fairies and I believed in monsters and I always close my eyes when I write poetry so as nothing comes out but the truth but maybe I’ve been lying this whole time.