There’s a post going around, I’m not even going to name it because you know what I’m talking about. But every time I see it, I get a little more annoyed. And apparently tonight is the night I go from ‘annoyed’ to calling it out.
Stop telling people not to use the phrase consensual sex.
and especially stop saying that in survivor spaces.
The phrase consensual sex is a lot like…
I’m about to make at least nine people cringe but
'So I went to the nearest ATM machine and used my PIN number'
For those of you who don’t know why some people would cringe at that-
ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, so adding the word machine afterwards is a bit of a moot point.
Same for adding number after Personal Identification Number.
Now for any of you who didn’t know that/ what acronyms mean doesn’t automatically pop into your head when you hear them-
those second words may have been.. unnecessary- but they helped the flow of conversation- esp for anyone who doesn’t know what the acronyms mean.
Using the word Consensual in front of ‘sex’ is at most, unnecessary, at best, a tool to help survivors bridge the gap.
You take that away- you take away a tool that is used to help people understand that it wasn’t their fault.
Not everyone is ready to call what happened to them rape.
Not everyone knows what happened to them was rape.
and when you remove the ‘phrase’ consensual sex from our vocabulary, you leave teenage survivors in the dark.
you abandon them. you tell them because they didn’t know it was rape immediately- or if they aren’t ready to call it rape immediately, that it wasn’t.
That it was just sex.
The phrase consensual sex invites a conversation about what consent means. and as such- what non-consensual sex means.
The phrase non-consensual sex, allows people to make the bridge about what happened /to them/ on their own. Gives them a chance to get comfortable accepting what happened.
and you are taking that from us.
If you are a non-survivor reblogging that post- stop. Just, stop.
If you are a survivor doing so, I want you to think about the people you are leaving behind because they aren’t at the place you are yet.
I have an inbox with over 150 asks again. Without counting, I can tell you already that at least 1 in … lets say 8 of those- is from people who cannot call what happened to them rape yet. They are still stuck in the land of ‘but it was only’ and ‘but I said yes (after he wouldn’t stop/after she threatened me/because I knew what happened if I said no.) and ‘but it wasn’t….’
Please, I am begging you to consider what you are saying and the survivors you are deserting.