They’re both afraid of it, initially.
Because for Blaine, therapy wasn’t the cure. It didn’t extinguish the anger or frustration or fear in him after the Incident. That moment came much later when he watched a boy face down the very real demon plaguing him and saw that he didn’t have to be afraid of his own anymore. And he took that boy’s hand and they danced and the whole school watched and no one touched them. And it was that moment that broke him, that made him realize there was something inside of him that hadn’t healed and needed to heal, and therapy for him wasn’t so much about finding his own courage — he already has so much of it — but about realizing that his courage wasn’t in Kurt alone. He can stand strong alone. Even without his rock, he is a person, too.
And for Kurt it was hard, too, to admit that he couldn’t handle his workload, his internal and external crises, everything in his life. It was hard to admit that he had to “surrender” and seek help. He wanted to keep fighting until he broke through and was strong again, as if his pain was merely something he could mute and return to once it had gone completely numb with time. Except then one day he looked around an empty loft after a numberless day and realized that Blaine was gone and everything around him — all of his hard work — felt meaningless and he crumpled, and it hurt and it was like pulling teeth but he made the call. And then it set him on the right path towards coping with the stress and fear and regret plaguing him. It was then that he talked about how much it hurt, how hard it was, how horribly, immeasurably, unbearably alone he felt.
And somewhere in between he reconnected with Elliot, of all people, because the world of depressed people is smaller than he thought, and even admitting he had depression took weeks but it meant figuring things out and realizing what really mattered and didn’t matter to him, why he and Blaine worked and didn’t work, what possibilities were open to him. And he grew from it, slowly but surely, and Elliot kept him steady when everyone else was gone, and his dad was there to quite literally let him cry on his shoulder when it all seemed like too much and finally, finally, things started to seem real again. Kurt Hummel emerged again, wounds reopened but healing properly this time, staggering with the weight of his next move but also cleansed.
And returning to Lima even knowing what he’d done and what had happened took all of his resolve but he did it because he knew that some things were worth fighting for and Blaine was worth fighting for, but things had changed and he had a new crisis to cope with, a new possibility to confront, a life that was, truly, out of his control once more.
But he coped. And Blaine did, too. And at the end of the day they didn’t get back together because the damage of the past six months or so was erased — they got back together because they realized that they were already on the path of forgiveness and their love was stronger than their fear of failure, that they could and would work through their problems if need be, that they both were a work in progress but that’s all life is, really.
Therapy changed them. They were both scared — and Blaine is a story unto himself, as is Kurt, both struggling with similar crises in many regards but also diverging fairly sharply on the coping mechanism front — but they made it, and it became their rock because they fixed themselves.
And that was the moment, really. When they both knew that it wasn’t ever their relationship that had failed, or that they, personally, had failed. But just that life stood in the way, that forces beyond their control had swept them off their feet and without the right tools to cope with them they turned the pain inward until it was unbearable and broke apart.
Now they’re healing. Now they’re back together. And they’re not perfect, God no, but they’re getting there. They’re already stronger than they were before, and those wounds? Are finally healing.
So, my three things for this can be condensed down to:
- They were both scared of seeking help.
- But it changed them both.
- For the better.