It wasn’t easy.
First, we had to narrow down our vendors from basically infinity to six:
Momofuku Milk Bar
Then, we had to pick out flavors. We decided on the classics (vanilla, chocolate) the off-beat artisanal (earl grey, salted caramel) the brand-sponsored (Chips Ahoy!) and the brand-mocking (Fruity Pebble).
Here’s what they look like, in the wild:
And here’s what they look like, in our freezer.
This is what they look like, about to be consumed by members of the Fusion Team in New York City:
And this is what people thought.
Fruity Pebbles was the most controversial flavor by far. One taster, who abstained from all flavors aside from Chips Ahoy! and Fruity Pebbles, and who has lived in New York for three years and has always wanted to taste Fruity Pebbles but has only today had the privilege, explained that it was her favorite flavor because “FRUITY PEBBLES 4 LYFE.” Others would not want Fruity Pebbles for life: “fruity was just terrible… like drinking a kid’s drink, very sweet.” Another said, “Fruity Pebbles really sucked… Imagine drinking cough syrup with milk!”
Salted caramel also stirred up some controversy. One taster told us that “i usually love [caramel], but this was below expectations.” Another said, “I really liked the salted caramel,” but mostly because it tasted like peanut butter.
The most universally beloved, on the other hand, was Chips Ahoy! One taster said it had “good flavor and good texture,” another that “Chips Ahoy! won for me based on consistency.” Fusion loves chocolate chips.
And chocolate was the most not-hated. One anonymous taster said she “doesn’t even like milkshakes. But the chocolate was good.” Another said the chocolate tasted “bad,” but everything else tasted “atrocious.”
We asked people to rank the flavors, and we found a winner:
Congratulations, Dairy Queen! Chips Ahoy! is the official ice cream flavor of Team Fusion, which apparently hates ice cream, but doesn’t hate you.
Written by Danielle Wiener-Bronner; Edited by Margarita Noriega; Images by Danielle Wiener-Bronner; Art by Margarita Noriega. Abby Rogers and others contributed to this piece.