A Soldier’s Promise …

I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. I may miss the births of our children. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat and your tears and your heartache to keep together and try to take it back as I knew it before. I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don’t know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won’t answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need. I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I will have to get to know our children over and over again. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else. It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you. You may lose me long before you ever thought possible. I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off. I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again.

I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise that to our children. I cannot promise you much of anything.

But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial I will be wanting to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. I will see the faces of our children in every life that I protect. And I will carry you with me in everything until my sandy boots once again sit just inside our door. 

I just want to put it out there that this empire had ended. I know, there may be a lot of questions so please feel free to DM me about it. This was the most difficult relationship to keep up with. Loving him was the easiest thing I could do. So you men out there, let her know that you love her. Because it may be too late. His first mistake was what he did and the second mistake was to have me realize I deserved better. The story of an army couple. The hardest 10 months I have ever gone through. I have been understanding, and compassionate through everything that has happened between us. Listened to why you did what you did and have you a fair chance. I am so hurt and my heart is now broken. But at this point there is nothing for you to do that can make me stay. You may think it’s not a big deal, but I changed my life. From the day I laid eyes on you I knew, I had to rearrange my life so that you can stay. And stayed patient with the army life of yours. I took in all of yours lies just for a tiny piece of your love in return. You lied to me and said your ex girlfriend had died in an explosion during her basic training. I come to find out she’s alive and instead of being with me during the holidays you were with her. You cheated on me. And when I didn’t know a damn thing you continued like nothing ever happened. When you know in the back of your mind you done fucked up. Every small head bumps we came across you made it seem like it was all my fault but now. Now, I know. You had since June to fix what you’ve done and still no effort. Goodbye. Because there’s a man right by my side helping me get out off the shit you put me through. He is cleaning up the fucking mess YOU caused. Next time. Take care of your unfinished business. Don’t lie and don’t cheat. And when you love her, tell her. #notahooaaahmoment #armyproblems #milsoproblems #militaryproblems #milsos #milso #armycouples #armystrong #armylife #milsolife #militarylife #military #doitright #acus

I made the mistake of opening up tumblr on my phone. A picture of a naked man pops up and I’m like “FUCK! A GROUP OF OFFICERS PASS BY BEHIND ME! I SWEARRRR ITS NOT MY FAULT! It was a damn straight girl on the internet.”

Military tumblrian problems…

So my baby returns to his reserve unit midnight tomorrow and I’m going to absolutely lose my mind. He’s been in the same building as me since July and right by my side for the last 105 days. I honestly don’t know what I’m gonna do with him in Hawaii and me trapped in arizona. Especially since his unit may be packing up to go within a month…

Feel so lonely at the moment. - haven’t seen matthew in a month, and there’s a slight possibility that im seeing him tomorrow but if not definitely friday, which im soooo excited for. Just feel that were kind of stuck in threshold. I don’t know where we’re going. I want a five year plan. I know we said we would get married and live together when ive finished in uni- but what happens before that. Living arrangements and so on. I want to get married and have a military house & he doesn’t want to rent. How we’re going to live together otherwise I have no idea. I don’t care if we rent, I’d rather be able to live together than not at all, or wait a few years before we actually have our own place. Just feel so stressed by it all. I need a direction & I don’t feel like I have one at the moment. Feels like I’ve been engaged forever and it’s only been a little over a year :(.