Here I go again. Short Version.
Dark room, beaming bright lights, loud music, people, lots of people, familiar/unfamiliar faces scattered around, hazy, blurry faces;
Slowly after all the pushing and shoving I made my way, near the DJ booth, I found you. I can’t say it felt like a bullet train had hit me.. but I’m sure what I felt that time really came close. Pain. It came from all over my body. I couldn’t tell where it hurts all I knew was that, it hurts. My mind wouldn’t process. I didn’t know what to do. Weak. I’ve never felt this weak before. The pain pulled me down, down with all my drunkenness. I fell flat on the ground, face first. They were right, they were all right. From the start, I should have known. Yada yada yada. Like a scene from a movie screen, thoughts mumble and jumbled inside my head, screams of pain, numbness, and the epic slow motion of everything that is happening. Yet, it all happened so fast. So very fast. After that night, all the happy thoughts, lovely, carefree, safe and warm, all that yappy sweet feelings that came with you.. Died. Up until now.. I ask myself, after everything we’ve been through, how will or when will i believe again? What should you do? What should I do? Why can’t I let go? HOW CAN I LET THAT GO?
The picture of you with her, playing over and over again in my mind. Ang lalim e. Parang GIF na nastuck sa ulo ko, ung GIF na may dalang gaddamet na feeling. Nakakapagod. Questions. I ask and ask and ask myself with questions only you can answer. Answers, are they really what I’m looking for? After I get these answers, will I be relieved? Are all the doubts gonna die? After that answer, will it fix everything? Its been a while since I looked at your face and felt at ease. I miss the times when I would look at you and my heart will flatter and fly. I long for those days. Because now, all I feel is a bit of tingle and a whole shit load of KABA o_O
Wow. Nalabas ko na. Bow.