Unfortunately, the micro-aggression of street harassment takes a different kind of detox than, say, free radicals. The repetitive trauma of being out in the world as a person who isn’t considered to be an actual person (i.e.: women, people of color, queers, folks with disabilities, poor folks, fat folks, etc.) works its way into muscles (tense shoulders, stiffened backs, tightened jaws) and patterns of being (taking different routes home, constantly checking surroundings, etc). Studies have linked the trauma of walking around in the world as a sexualized body to that of combat PTSD faced by soldiers returning from action. Flawed though it may be, the United States has a system for aiding those in the military who suffer from PTSD, but currently has no institutional strata for sufferers of sexualized violence, which street harassment falls under. Fighting back isn’t always a safe option, nor an option for everyone, so the often radical-seeming idea of self-care is what is currently available to us.

charmed-aphro said:

*this is not about me, but rather a post Id like to make* Is it a micro-aggression to ask an Indian married couple if the marriage was "arranged"? Because, I see this lots of times from White people to Indian couples (HONY, the followers of FarahDhukai). I want your feedback.

Yes, it’s hugely obnoxious to ask an Indian couple of their marriage is “arranged.” And yes, microaggressive. 

7

ONE THING YOU SHOULD NEVER CALL AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN

There are many ways to kindly and respectfully compliment the way a woman looks. But one descriptor that should be left out of such comments? “Exotic.”

Cristen Conger of the How Stuff Works podcast, Stuff Mom Never Told You, takes on the topic of “exotic” beauty.

Watch the full video with Conger explaining how Lupita Nyong’o was “extocized” during the 2014 Oscar season here. 

singleandnearlydead said:

I really like being typically girly and etc but whenever I bring up feminism or equal rights im never taken seriously. People laugh at me when I'm really mad about rape culture and whatnot and I get told "you're so cute when you're mad" and i PUBLIC

I just don’t know how to handle this response because whenever I express how demeaning that is I get told it was a compliment and I’m overreacting. Do you have any tips for dealing with this?

Don’t be friends with/hang out around people who belittle your emotions and demean you when you are expressing yourself.  That’s my advice, sorry that it’s so blunt but it’s really the best advice I can give.  Be friends with people who respect you, and “Haha you’re mad, how cute” or “Stop overreacting I was just joking” is NOT respectful.  It is sexist micro-aggression.

Super random but I remember a few summers ago I went over to this white (yes, her whiteness is relevant to the story *eyeroll*) girl’s house to hang out for the first time and she was like “hey do you want some watermelon? I know you like watermelon.” And snickered, and I just sorta gave her a side eye and let it go because I really did want some watermelon, but then she went to cut the watermelon and from the kitchen was like “You’re black, know of any special watermelon cutting secrets?”, and I was too uncomfortable at the time to speak up but I hope somehow she knows that her racist comments and constant micro-aggression are why I haven’t seen her since. Fuckin’ racists, man.

Frida Kahlo painted about micro aggressions long before the term was coined

Unos cuantos piquetitos, por Frida Kahlo (a few small nips)

image

A newspaper report about an unfaithful woman murdered in an act of jealousy provided Kahlo with the subject matter for this work. The murderer defended his actions before the judge by saying: “But it was just a few small nips!” The violent deed makes symbolic reference to Frida’s own mental state and her own emotional injuries.

source 

see how micro aggressions work: bit by bit a few snips can, will and does kill us! Got this connection at the retreat I had on Monday w/my new staff! Facilitator TO was everything!

anonymous said:

Hi! How would I go about making clear the race/ethnicity of a character without explicitly saying it? I'm writing my story as a type of journal and since my character already knows her own race she wouldn't really be writing it down (unless you think that's plausible, in which case, please explain?)

Defying White as Default

Well, as she journals she’s sure to reveal bits and pieces about herself and/or her family, right? You could always indicate her race in this way, as well as mentioning details of cultural aspects like a holiday she celebrated.

Expressing racial grievances occurring to her or her family could indicate her race too if she goes into a bit of detail.

Micro-aggressions, for example. Like someone petting her hair, her being followed in a store, being refused service, someone holding their purse close to them when she walked by, or other applicable insensitive actions or comments. No need to overwhelm a story if it’s not “About that” but hey, this stuff happens.

Descriptions of her hair, facial features and skin tone also work as well. 

Key thing is to pair indicators with others, typically placed here and there within the story and closely within the beginning, lest we forget she’s x race (and oh, readers will).

In any case, it’s not implausible to be blunt about her race. Just, with any detail, you have to work it in naturally according to what makes sense to your story and your character’s voice.

More reading: 

~Mod Colette

So we were having a family meal and everyone was having a good time and after we’d all finished eating i had left some on my plate, it was just some sides that i didn’t like, mainly broccoli and carrots. My mother questioned me on why i didn’t eat it all and i simply said i didn’t like it, well this turned into a scene with my mother repeating the line you’re a growing boy you need to eat it. However when i pointed out that her and my uncle had left similar amounts i was completely dismissed “you can make you’re own decisions when you’re an adult.” I was completely outraged but ate it anyway to shut her up. So the message i got was adults got free choice while children get broccoli.

(submitted by patriachyandfriends)

Watch on endracismandhomophobia.tumblr.com

MASCULINITY IS SAD

Once again, masculinity defies definition. The men can’t answer the question without making a joke out of it, and when they don’t make a joke out if, the statements they make can easily apply to females as much as males. And the most serious of the respondents couldn’t define masculinity, he could only define being human (he was the most coherent of the respondents.) One of the females expressed a homophobic micro-aggression (as did one of the males later on) by stating that masculinity equalled ‘being attracted to females’, hence furthering the stereotype that not being attracted to females makes one ‘unmasculine’ and therefore ‘not a man’. This only goes to show that masculinity is a complete fraud. The sooner non-heterosexual males reject this idiocy of trying to ‘be masculine’, the sooner we ALL step into our own power and get liberated.

  • betty white:*dies*
  • y'all:LOL don't think i didn't spot those racial and homophobic micro-aggressions from 40 years ago sis! i guess karma is a bitch... *posts reaction gifs of people laughing/dancing and plays "ding dong (the witch is dead)" on repeat for 5 straight hours*

I was at the grocery store with Kurt the other day, and while I was grabbing yogurt he called me over to look at this exclaiming, “what the heck?! This is totally sexist! It’s cheese for girls just because it has less fat? Girls can eat all the fat they want and some boys like things with less fat. Saying that less fat is for girls makes it sounds like all girls are supposed to be on diets. Hella sexist.” I’m so proud. Seriously, what the hell Safeway? An 8 year old gets it. What is your problem? (he also suggested I take a picture and blog it so that people can know how “sexist Safeway is about food” he rocks)

The thing about microaggression is that it’s very difficult to call out as problematic without being accused of being “over sensitive/having a victim complex/rude/making stuff up/lying/attention seeking/pity grabbing/being unreasonable/etc” and so most people keep quiet, but then they internalize it, they accept it, and even begin to welcome harm.
Microaggression works to dehumanize a persons experiences and identity, and it dehumanize that person. When someone believes they deserve it, they will accept abuse.

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If you’re a member of a marginalized or oppressed group, and someone outside of that minority, or a member of a privileged group unexpectedly asks you: “Hey, can you take a [black/gay/immigrant/ableist/’female’ etc.] joke?” -referring to “a joke” specifically targeting your group, please understand: they are straight up TELLING you in advance that not only do they intend to degrade you and have a laugh at your expense, but they will also expect you to laugh along with their verbal micro-aggressions masquerading as “a joke” —aka racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, etc

They are asking for your permission to disrespect you

Never. Give. It.

If you are a guy and you think it’s ‘weird’ to hug other guys this tells me two things about you

1. you are homophobic

2. you believe there is something inherently sexual about hugs

in which case I never want you to touch me again please go away and leave me alone forever

 goodbye

Has a great day at the Chilifest in Somers, but something needs mentioning. Mishalle and I were sitting on the grass, holding hands and sharing cotton candy, and I gave her a big kiss on the cheek. So some guy rolls up on his big quad, and starts talking to us about how “this is a family function” and “there are kids here” and “you have to understand where I’m coming from.” It was clear that he wanted us to stop being so close together, stop acting like a couple, because he was uncomfortable and he felt that we would show kids (heaven forbid) what lesbians are. It clearly wasn’t a vendetta against PDA- there were straight couples everywhere doing what we were and he had nothing to say about them. I immediately stood up and told him we were leaving, because I didn’t want to argue with someone like that. There usually isn’t a point. But it should be said: yes, sir, I do understand where you’re coming from. It’s a place of fear, and hate. Stop trying to spread it to the people around you- they don’t want it (as exemplified by the teenage boy who watched the whole thing and then apologized for YOUR behavior). You made me so uncomfortable that I asked Mishalle to leave, and anyone who tells me I can’t love my adorable piece of fluff girlfriend (Bub!) can stick it.

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