What’s the balance between protecting yourself and the community from toxic levels of self loathing in trans women and not abandoning other trans women to continue down self destructive and outwardly destructive paths?
Where are the lines drawn in activist spaces, radical spaces and personal spaces? Where should lines be drawn? Should those lines be rigid? Should they be flexible?
Throughout my entire time on tumblr I have skirted over the line back and forth back and forth. I’ve forgiven too hard in some cases, dumped too much energy into coaxing other trans women to self love only to be burned. I’ve been too rigid and unforgiving in some cases, abandoned other trans women to their fate, some of whom later did find their way but suffered immensely from their own self loathing in the meantime and caused a lot of suffering while they were at it.
There are some on tumblr (and other spaces) that always forgive and reach out. They are struck by burnout constantly and harmed regularly but they also leave no one behind to burn. They never burn and excise others, even the most horrendous of truscum and self haters and some of them have saved more lives than I can count. But they’ve been taken advantage of so often and with such awful results.
There are some on tumblr (and other spaces) that always lock down spaces, who go for the throat for anyone who isn’t on top of things or who acts out internalized transmisogyny. They always keep their spaces safe and they dodge many of the worst parasites and harmers. But they’ve abandoned so many, they’ve even harmed trans women who later on came to understanding and are wary of involving themselves in communities as a result. Even afraid of community to begin with.
Where is the balance? How does one know who can be coaxed away and who will bite at the hand that reaches out forever?
How do you find that balance?
How do you save the most, regain the most, bring the most in without destroying yourself or allowing parasites and abusers into your safer spaces?
How do you protect your own and protect yourself without tossing away other trans women like garbage, abandoning and leaving behind those you could save and coax away, forever trapped in the walls of your tiny fortress with so many suffering outside?
Hard questions. I don’t have the answers