its just… It turns out that i can’t stand the image of you two kissing.
Feels like I, myself, saw it happen in front of me.
I just can’t stand the fact that you let her approach you, even if you had no feelings for her. I can’t stand that you grabbed her nape, caressing her, embracing her, cuddling, even though you should be doing it with me not with
It haunts me every time of my existence, every second. When I’m on shower, when I’m having lunch, when I’m studying, when I’m listening to music, when I’m exausted of crying, that scene appears; shows up out of nowhere stealing all my mental health, making me go insane, wanting cutting to be the safest escape, wanting death to be the safest solution.
Even though you said that you didn’t want to hurt me I just can’t believe it happened. It seems like a bad, horrifying nightmare which I’m trying to get out, but it grabs me by my heels and pulls me back in, shutting my mouth and making me drown even deeper…
If there’s something in this life time that I regret is the fact that I lacked in power to raise my voice and make you mine earlier. There was no bright side in this sad experience, only my twisted mind begging for inevitable change.