Me Again

Guys, I’m back :’) I’ve been going through a rough time these past couple of weeks, what with being abroad and having trouble with my anxiety, some unfortunate incidents, a meltdown and an anxiety attack or three, but I just wanted to let you all to know that sometimes there are people who seem like they always have it together, or always appear to be happy and think nothing is wrong…well, that’s not always the case.  I thought I went through the worst and end of my depression a year and a half ago, and it made an appearance two weeks ago.  

I just wanted to let you all know that I’m doing a lot better, and am  getting back to being the real me.  It may take some time, but nothing really is more important than your health, and that includes your mental health.  I have missed out on some great opportunities while I’ve been abroad, and I regret all of them because I let myself get trapped in my own darkness.  Again, I’m going to have to miss out on a couple more adventures, but I’m willing to do that, even if it means taking a little time to focus on being myself, and making myself happy.  You’re all wonderful and I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of your wonderful emails.  Remember, we’re not broken, just bent.  And even if we’re bent, there’s always a way to put the pieces back together.  

Just remember, every day is a fresh start, so don’t worry about the little things and appreciate every moment you have with the ones you care about.  Don’t always try to please others who don’t give you a second thought.  Just focus on keeping one person happy and mentally healthy: you.  I thought I knew that, but sometimes we fall off the wagon.  And that’s okay.  Just remember there’s always going to be someone there to pull you back up after you fall.  If there was one thing I could say to each and every one of you, no matter who you are, what kind of day you’re having, what you’re going through in life, and no matter who or what tries to bring you down, always remember: you are loved. 

2

I love everything about Scully and Mulder’s first kiss—how it happens at the most ordinary time, but on the edge of an extraordinary beginning. They’re just standing there in an empty hallway, watching the ball drop on New Year’s Eve, listening to Dick Clark’s countdown. It’s all familiar, but the whole point of our New Year’s Eve routine is that we do the same thing every year to ring in the hope of doing something NEW next year. We’re waiting for change. That was never more true than in 2000, when for all we knew we were headed for a meltdown. Mulder looks at Scully and figures that there’s no better time to tell her that whether they’re headed for something great or about to crash, he wants to be with her. It’s just a confirmation, really; they both already know what they are to each other. He doesn’t have to say anything, and she isn’t surprised. She’s just pleased. Even with her eyes on the TV, she’s waiting for him; she can feel him thinking about it.

(via Times Mulder and Scully Should Have Made Out This Week, Volume 14)

Like I never go on petty crying sessions or just get choked/teared up I hold it in until it piles up and i just have this huge melodramatic waterworks meltdown over getting a C on my test, spilling my food, getting my hair wet and bae not texting back

Puzzled After

Depression is being sadder
Than what’s the usual.
Feels like you dont matter.
Well, the feeling is mutual.
Lost sight of what I am after.
Nothing is beautiful.
An aftermath of disaster.
The simple is unusual
Because the mind is a reactor.
Meltdown is suitable
When demons do business and banter
Doing you is not do able;
When the doing brings no laughter.
Misconstrued the clues label.
Only finding puzzles after.

anonymous said:

Some fans have said they want to see growth from Ahsha in s3. IMO, she's shown growth by holding it together in spite of all the difficulties she's faced (2 breakups, alcoholic dad, Jelena scheming, etc.). Finding out her 1st love and longtime boyfriend is Olivia's murderer is going to send her over the edge. I foresee a complete emotional meltdown in Ahsha's future. Your thoughts?

This question is difficult for me to answer. Ahsha may have a meltdown, but she’ll just go running back to Derek (*rolls-eyes* because this is how Ahsha handles crisis. She runs from one person to another without thinking things through). I don’t want her to be with Derek by default. I want her to actively choose Derek. He deserves to be her choice. Not her rebound. Not her second chance, etc. 

James Larosa & the HTF writers can take this in many directions. They have to give us a really in-depth story about 13 characters in 10 episodes, while setting up the stage for season 4 (please God). So, I can’t say what I foresee.

I’ll tell you what I want to see instead. I want to see that Ahsha finally recognizes that German is not her “go-to-guy,” that he’s not perfect. And that there are no telling the lengths his crazy ass will go to. BUT - this really depends on the Ahsha’s secret that German was protecting, doesn’t it? I mean he killed Olivia. I’m hoping Olivia was just going to expose Ahsha & Derek’s forbidden romance - and that German was crazy jealous and possessive, flew into a rage and then murdered Olivia. If its a darker secret, we don’t know how it will play out. 

So we’ll just have to see. Thank’s for your  question!!

that girl is SEVENTEEN.

GOD who is TEACHING these girls feminism i am so frustrated this is the Grisha meltdown with the 15-17 year old “feminists” all over again

anonymous said:

It's a day late, but I just wanted to thank you for that response to the anon message about Claudia. I have friends that were talking trash about her the day of the game and suddenly did a 180 saying she's sweet and adorable. They recently have made indirect posts calling us names and such and it's making me feel like the bad guy because not too long ago, they too were hating on her. Their sudden love for her isn't genuine and a lot just jumped the bandwagon to make themselves look better.

Believe me when I say, you’re not the only one who has told me this. I’ve seen it for myself. The level of hypocrisy in the fandom right now is crazy. People who have called Claudia the most horrible names in the book are now bullying others in her “defense”. People who used to have meltdowns whenever Josh was in Spain are now suddenly proclaiming their love to be the truest of the true. It’s amazing really, how short some people’s memories are. I often wonder how many truly feel this way? Or is it more out of spite at other users and the desire to “be on top” that fuels this fire?

And there’s no room for being neutral or indifferent. It seems there can only be two camps: you are either obsessed with her or obviously, you hate her guts because she’s dating Josh and you want to be with him yourself. If you ask me, that’s really ignorant and small-minded. And that’s what has driven so many wonderful people away. We no longer exist in the Josh Hutcherson fandom, but rather the Josh +1 fandom.The focus has become the shipping and the shipping wars. And I really think that’s the root of the problem.

People seem to forget the argument goes both ways. There are assumptions on both sides. None of us know for sure about anything. Some believe the only way to support Josh is to agree with everything he does simply by being a fan. One must ask: would you agree if he was doing something else that might be self-destructive? Drugs? Alcoholism? Would you support that because being a good fan is swallowing the kool-aid and never disagreeing with something your celeb crush does?

It is possible to still be respectful and not fangirl over Josh and Claudia. Really, it is. I know many people who do it, yet they are still called out. And for what purpose? The fact that this relationship has even caused so much upset in itself is kind of comical. Who cares?! We should be worrying about more important stuff instead of who ships who with whom and why its right or wrong. Seriously. Instead, it’s become this crusade for some to show everyone just how “right” their viewpoint is and why everyone should agree with them. Newsflash, people: We all interpret situations differently. We will never all agree on one thing. Until people can learn to leave other people alone and accept there will be differences, the drama will continue to rage on.

Things that are not acceptable:

(Or are at least really really painfully inconvenient)

My regular grocery store (which I’ve been shopping at off and on for the better part of a decade, and even worked at for a few months) is doing an interior remodel. Where, for apparently no good reason, they are rearranging all of the product in the store. I’d just memorized where everything was from the last time they did this a few years ago while I was living in Seattle.

I hate most grocery stores because they’re an excellent trigger for sensory overload induced anxiety attacks and/or meltdowns for me. But this particular store is smaller, I know a lot of the people who work there, the lighting doesn’t make me want to cry, and on weekday mornings it’s usually not very busy and therefore fairly quiet.

And I’ve been shopping there fairly exclusively because of all that. And now they’re reorganizing everything. *sigh* goddammit.

/rant

before loving me

I need you to know of my unexpected moods, meltdowns & mixed feelings because they come out of no where for me just as much as they will for you.

I need you to know of my outbursts of anger & frustration & how hard it is for me to control it just how hard it will be for you to deal with it.

I need you to know of my constant worries and fears that you’ll find someone better & get bored of me because I see my flaws as too much so it’s something that’s expected.

I need you to know of my continuous efforts of how I’ll push you away because most of the time I feel as if I’m not deserving of feeling even the slightest of happiness.

I need you to know of my simple yet complex, quiet yet loud, easy yet difficult, loving yet hateful, confused mess of emotions I call myself & just how much I need you to know

I will not run if you want me to stay.
I will not hurt you if you do not hurt me.
I will be yours if you will be mine.
I will love you if you love me.

2

Senshi Study Sesh!

This was the piece I submitted to the Meatball Head Sailor Moon art show in LA at Meltdown Comics! The show was this past weekend and was curated by the wonderful Nico Colaleo, who had a bunch of amazing artists in the industry contribute to the show! I heard that it was a blast, and wish I could have been able to make it.

So many thanks to my friends Gyimah, Ben and Scott for helping me out! I have much to learn, but was eager to try something new with environment, perspective, and colours. The colours have been tweaked since, but otherwise the drawing is the same :)

I’ll post some close ups later! Enjoy!

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